The Askew Police: Tales From an Obsessive Compulsive Feminist Pagan Lesbian

Adventures in Women's Studies: Purity-Mongers Strike Again

2012-01-21T21:09:00.006-05:00

Earlier this week, I guest lectured in a Gender and Pop Culture class using the research I did for my honors thesis--the Duggars, Quiverfull, purity movements, and the like. It went quite well as usual, and we ended the class by watching the new 45 minute documentary of Jessica Valenti's The Purity Myth. She analyzes the obsession with a woman's purity and how this in fact sexualizes women and girls even more by placing their entire worth between their legs. Excellent watching. Find a way to view it.

In any case, it just so happens that Valenti was also just on Anderson Cooper debating with Randy Wilson, who is the male half of the couple that created the infamous Purity Balls, ample footage of which can be found on you tube. The usual arguments were made (brilliantly on Valenti's part, weak and insane on Wilson's in my humble opinion), and much merriment was had by all the feminists. Then they discussed a you tube vlog that went viral at the end of last year, posted by a 13-year-old Canadian girl about slut shaming.

Slut Shaming: the act of shaming a woman as a slut for her actual or perceived sexual activity based on rumor, attire, or knowledge of her personal life; most important to note is that it is solely aimed at women

She should be explaining this to a majority of the grown women I know. She breaks down how it contributes to sexism and rape culture and basically does the universe a service by putting this out there for her audience. The after-show "continued discussion" featured several audience members quietly losing their shit over how this 13-year-old was discussing sex and sluts. "She's so young." "She's advocating sex at 13." "She's too young to know anything about this." Okay, I usually have some issues with the current youth movement's insistence on supporting youth rights as extensively as they do. Don't get me wrong. I do think that young adults should be taken seriously, but they are still young adults, which means they do still need guidance and not all of them are as capable and mature as the movement would have you think. However, this girl is obviously quite knowledgeable, and the fact of the matter is that she never advocated sex for 13-year-olds. Not once. She never said she was having sex. Not once. She never even said that all her friends were having sex. Again, not once. What she advocated was well-informed, consensual, safe sex for those who are mentally and physically prepared to deal with the act and its possible consequences--an excellent thing to stump for as far as I can see. These women (and notice that it was only women) who basically attacked her mentally blocked everything she said except "have sex," instantaneously morphing a mature, well-thought-out, brilliant message that should be standard fare in any household into a blanket endorsement of child sex. In the process, they absolutely lost the message, one that they would have done well to absorb. There are kids having sex at 13 (and younger in some cases), and they have internalized the larger culture's ideals that a woman having sex at any age is a slut but a man is a stud. This is not new, but it is still a problem and needs to be addressed as such by women of all ages.

Valenti's main argument is that by focusing our attention completely on whether or not a girl or woman has had sex or not is painting her as nothing more than a sexual creature, which is exactly what the purity movements claim that larger society does and what they claim to be fighting by shoving the purity ideal down the throats of people at every turn. What they need to understand is that no one is attacking the idea of not having sex. That's fine. But they also need to understand that they need to stop attacking the idea of having it, which is also fine. A woman is not only the area between her legs, not just the number of times she's been intimate, and not solely the length of time she remains celibate; she is a complex creature with wants and needs every bit as important as her sexual activity or lack thereof. In short, can we please start telling our daughters and sons that the body is an amazing thing that houses the wonders of the mind and soul, which are truly the markers of a person's worth, and that there are better things to worry about than how many times the kid in the next row has or has not done the deed.

It's a Small, Disordered World

2012-01-08T21:44:00.003-05:00

My entire life I have fought to conceal my OCD and its weirdness, the oddball compulsions, and general insanity accompanying it. I never wanted people to notice me checking the door locks over and over, the way I have to walk on sidewalks with cracks, and the way I can't function properly on brick or cobblestone walkways. Now I find myself expounding and expatiating on every bit of minutiae associated with it--in blogs, essays, and (at least attempting) poetry. On the one hand, this makes me vulnerable to comments I would otherwise be able to avoid, and on the other I'm making myself part of a community. So, what's the point? Earlier this evening, I read some comments on another OCD blog asking for help. The person was dealing with a particular type of obsessive thought and was trying to find out whether he was alone. While it is true that every person experiences their disorder in different ways, obsessions and compulsions repeat themselves over and over. I used to have the very kind of intrusive thought the commenter was worried about, and I was able to reassure him he is not alone.

Honestly, I have no other real point here...just that I am constantly amazed at how freakin' small the world gets everyday.

Scary Numbers, or What is Wrong with These People: A Brief Discussion of Rape Stats

2012-01-03T13:44:00.005-05:00

While driving home today, I saw a billboard posted by a group called FSU Measure Up. In short, it's a "social norms initiative" which aims to "correct misconceptions about male students in regards to promiscuity and sexual violence" (from their "About" page). Anyway, the text read something like "FSU Men understand the importance of getting consent before sexual intimacy." First of all, let me say that I certainly support the idea that the men at FSU have figured out this apparently esoteric piece of knowledge, but...so I went and poked around the Measure Up website and found the following bits of info:

"88% of FSU men have gotten consent before sexual intimacy."

"97% of FSU men would do something to help a woman if they Saw her being mistreated."

"93% of FSU men would respect someone who intervened to prevent abuse or sexual assault."

Again, good, but...Since when did the notion that one needs consent before sex become such a revolutionary idea? And who are these 12% that did not get consent? Because, hello, that's rape and a crime, and my first inclination is expulsion. Except of course, these were, I assume, anonymous surveys, and so the people conducting them don't know which ones were the miscreants. Who are these 3% who would ignore the mistreatment, and why did so many of the 97% lie on this question? I'm sorry, but it's a valid question here. And the 7% who would not respect someone who intervened need their asses beaten. Here's one more thing to ponder: Why don't these numbers add up? These appear to be all from the same survey, so in theory, the men who got consent would have answered positively on other questions.

I'm just absolutely floored by the need for this campaign. As my friend Eric said, "What ought to be basic human decency is now award-winning behavior: 'Don't I get pie for not raping you?'"

On Gaps in Posting

2011-12-29T21:43:00.004-05:00

So, I've been away. For a while. Work has exhausted me to the point of not being able to think clearly, and the blog has suffered unfortunately. Let me catch you up:

1. The biggest news is that I have had an essay accepted for publication in an anthology! It's basically my final project from Nonfiction last spring about OCD, and the anthology, It's All in Her Head, will be out in Spring 2013 from Seal Press. More news as I receive it.

2. I've been working my ass off at Scholastic book fairs packing the fairs for schools. If your kids go to a school in north Florida or extreme south Georgia, I've probably packed the fair that landed in their school library. Excellent company to work for, though I am wiped out at the end of the day. Many interesting thoughts about books and reading due to being there, which will come later as I try to get this poor neglected blog back on the rails.

3. I've been sporadically guest blogging at Queer Mental Health, and just this evening, I also guest blogged at Vocal Youth, which is run by my amazing friend A'ishah.

4. Lastly, for now, I have submitted my application for grad school--this time to the MFA program at FSU. Failing that (after I have my mental break and attempt hari kari), I'll put in for the library science program. More news on that as I receive it as well.

Other than that, I've been reading like a mad bastard. My profile at GoodReads will attest to that, and hopefully I will be blogging reviews again soon. For all those two or three of you that read this, sorry for the neglect, and I hope to have this thing going again soon. Peace!

Book Life 22: Never Drink Your Rich Roommate's Champagne, or Rural Boy Goes Ivy League, A Semi-Tragedy (Plus One Awesome Chunk of News)

2011-08-31T21:15:00.008-04:00

As a book geek of massive proportions, I have been suffering a deep blue funk over the closing of Borders. While I try to shop my local used bookstores for the most part, sometimes you gotta hit up the big shiny bookstore, you know? And Borders was the best of the ones I'm familiar with. I found the book I'm blogging on there in the bargain section slashed another 50% because my beloved Borders is going under. I'm glad to be able to afford a few books I've been wanting because they are so cheap, but I hate the reasons for it. But I digress...

Lost in the Meritocracy: The Undereducation of an Overacheiver by Walter Kirn

If you are at all familiar with this blog, you know that I am from a low SES rural background (and continue to be) and have had some difficulties adjusting to life in a town seemingly stuffed with entitled, pretentious people. (My previous rantings on the subject can be found listed under the "poverty" tag in the cloud to your right.) So when I saw this book, I snatched it up immediately, thinking I'd found some wonderful if distant authorial soul mate. Eh, not really.

Though I enjoyed the read, I found myself constantly searching for the thing the title and blurb promised. I understand why he included early memories, because after all, it is a memoir. However, most of it didn't seem to click with the expectations an initial glance gives you. Once he arrived at Princeton, it appears with his first roommates, a snobby group of over-privileged people I wanted to smack and other classmates wandering about in the background of the narrative. It falls away again shortly thereafter only to resurface here and there in the second half of the book, in between drug addled hazes and what looks to be an exhaustion-based disconnection with reality. As I've said about many a memoir I have read, I was not there and can make no claims about what did and did not happen and how it affected the author. But in many places, it seemed less to be the overwhelming nature of being thrown into the company of a class he was unfamiliar with than his own preexisting issues.

Knowledge is a reckoning...a way to assess your location, your true position, not a strategy for improving your position. (p.23)

Having said that, I did find a few places in which I was nodding in agreement. It isn't that it was a bad or poorly conceived book. (I think more people from rural, low income areas/backgrounds need to express these things, hence the reason I am always ranting on about them and reading this book.) I simply think that if he wanted to write a memoir about his discombobulation and how he dealt with the upper class twilight zone he ended up in, he could have done a much better job. I wanted more of the actual conflict and how he proposed to combat it. I don't mean to give anything away, but at the end when he finds himself deeper in an upper class arena than before, he makes no mention of it. It's presented as a moment of "whoo hoo! I got this!" rather than what could prove to be a shove into an even more pretentious pit of vipers. I know he couldn't conceivably go on forever; a book must end somewhere, after all. I just wish he could have acknowledged the depth of the issue and the effects it would have on him in the future or even how it has affected him now that he's all grown up and distanced from the actual events.

In the end, if you're looking for a more eloquent and extensive discussion of the problems I ramble on about on occasion, this isn't exactly it, but read it anyway. It does have its moments.

And now for something you'll really like...

In other book related news, it pays to follow authors you like on Facebook. Why is that, you ask? Because sometimes they post interesting and awesome things. Take yesterday for example. Chuck Palahniuk posted an opportunity for bloggers: all you had to do was email Double Day with your blog and physical address for a chance to read and review his new book Damned before it hits shelves in October. As you may have surmised, I will be one of the lucky ones. It isn't as if I've become entitled to an exclusive audience with the book, but it is pretty darn cool nonetheless. I have no idea when it may arrive, but rest assured you will know when it does. Stay tuned.

Book Life 21: In Which I Ramble About the Abortive Ending of the Vampire Chronicles

2011-08-27T22:08:00.004-04:00

IMPORTANT NOTE: If you have not read the last two Chronicles books, and do not want anything at all spoiled, do not read this. I despise spoilers, and would not want to ruin the experience for you.

Over the past couple of weeks, I've been rereading the Vampire Chronicles in their entirety which I don't think I've done since the last one was published. Oh, I pick up Body Thief or Memnoch occasionally, but this time I started at Interview and just finished the last page of Blood Canticle. Up through Blood and Gold, which is (finally) the full tale of the life of Marius, I remembered how much I loved the Chronicles. I am a self-avowed fan of Lestat and most of the books Anne Rice has written. I've read all of them, Mayfair series, Violin, Servant of the Bones, the erotica, etc. Anyway, I've been pondering what went wrong with Blackwood Farm and Blood Canticle, because most assuredly, something did go wrong.

It isn't that the final two books aren't well written. I'm pretty sure it is impossible for Anne to write badly (although I haven't read and don't plan to read her newest ones so they could be terrible for all I know). However, something changed with Memnoch, and the series slowly drifted apart from there. If you haven't read it, Memnoch tells the tale of Lestat being courted by the Devil himself and taken through the "true" history of creation, God, etc. Being the religion geek that I am, I liked this book a great deal. I took issue with some of the plot twists at the end, but all in all, I enjoyed it. After this you have The Vampire Armand, Pandora, Vittorio, Merrick, and Blood and Gold. Armand is a whiner, but it was a good read. Pandora and Vittorio are largely outside the realm of the Chronicles (with the exception of Pandora's involvement with Marius), but excellent books. Vittorio is beautiful and strange enough that I forgive its digression. Merrick is the first book in which Anne tried to meld the Vampires and the Mayfairs, but it works in this one. Merrick is distant enough from the Mayfair series that you don't get bogged down, and frankly I just loved the Voodoo in the story. Blood and Gold is oddly framed, but being that it is Marius, it's fine. Then the train wreck happens. The thread of the main Chronicles story gets lost somewhere in Armand, and since the next few books are digressions, it just drifts away entirely until she attempts to find it again in Blackwood Farm and Blood Canticle.

*Sigh* The problem with the last two books is that they really don't want to be part of the Chronicles. Were it not for the fact that Lestat frames the first and narrates the second, they would have no ties whatsoever and could be continuations of the Mayfair Witches (especially Canticle). Here's the issue: Anne broke with the Catholic Church years and years ago, and sometime just before Memnoch she began to reconcile with them, which intensely colored her writing. She began to to think of the Chronicles as "darkness" and even titled her fairly recent memoir Called Out of Darkness. She started the fictional accounts of Jesus' life (which on the whole are not terrible--again, religion geek) at this point, and even appeared on that horrific show The 700 Club (see my response to that HERE). Even more recently she has broken with the Church again, but kept her Christianity. But now I'm digressing a bit. The point is that this all affected her books immensely. If Memnoch wasn't enough to prove it to you, Lestat's philosophizing throughout Canticle should do it.

I think Anne felt some modicum of responsibility to her long time loyal fans to finish the series rather than drop it at Marius' tale, but rather than take the time to properly end it as it warranted, she decided to rush the job. Blackwood Farm seems to travel on an odd and twisty path that makes little sense at times, though it is, of course, beautifully written as always. Toward the end, we get another main character shoehorned into our little universe, and at first, she seems okay--one of those characters you can stomach but don't really grow to love. The first time I read this (and this time, because I didn't remember what happened) all I could hope was that Mona would fade out of the picture early into Canticle, though I knew she'd appear because of the way Anne structured the end of Blackwood Farm, ending it in the middle of Lestat making her a fledgling. How sadly wrong I was. In all the Anne Rice novels EVER, there has never been a major character that I didn't grow to love in some way--until Mona Mayfair. She is the most horrendous little monster, and it gets to the point that every time she opens her mouth you think you can't dislike her more. Then she proves you wrong. She effectively ruins most of Canticle for me.

Now, I have heard (a few) dissenting opinions. There are those that actually like Mona, though how I will never know, and I'm sure those people think Anne did a wonderful job closing out the Chronicles. I am not among them. She dispatches Merrick Mayfair into the great beyond with so little fanfare that it's insulting (both to the character and her readers) in order to tie up a major plot line in Farm. I mean, really, how in the hell did she justify that mess to herself? Merrick was a powerful enough witch and Voodoo priestess that she could have sent Goblin's soul into the light without flinging herself into the flames as well. Hell, she was aiming to do just that in Merrick with the ghost of Claudia. Just ridiculous. Then Canticle, instead of truly focusing on Lestat, as the last of the series should have done in my opinion, she centers it on Mona's involvement with the Taltos (from the Mayfair Witches trilogy) and her unending ability to be one of the biggest bitches in christendom (oh, and Lestat's inexplicable obsession with Rowan Mayfair). Most of a few chapters in the middle are her being bitchy, Lestat getting angry at her, and Quinn being the go between. It was unbearably tedious. Frankly, he should have let her die on her bower of flowers in Quinn's bed at the end of Farm and saved us all the trouble.

In the final analysis, what I think happened is that Anne felt she needed to give her fans an ending to the Chronicles and (for some unknown reason) one to the Witches as well, so she threw them in her mental blender and voila! She used Farm to shove Mona into the picture, giving the Mayfairs a reasonable claim on story space, and then she used Canticle to play out the end of the Taltos saga. I might not be so aggravated by all this if she didn't attempt to call them both Chronicle books. Had she simply been honest and presented them as a bizarre (and wholly unnecessary) extension of the Mayfairs, I would at least have known what I was walking into: A hot mess, but at least a properly categorized one.

Waxing Poetic, the Second: I Could Totally Be His Groupie, or In Love with People I've Never Met

2011-08-19T09:14:00.005-04:00

I stumbled across this poem while searching something else this morning, and of course, I fell in love with it as I do all of Alexie's work. Right now I'm in the middle of rereading the Vampire Chronicles again, but I think I may be working my way through all of Alexie's books again after this. I swear I could just fall into his books and poetry and live there under his ash-blasted skies and strange sun. I've told Anna before that if he ever showed up at our front door, I would not be held responsible for my actions. Of course, all he would have to do is read me his poetry all night...

Go, Ghost, Go by Sherman Alexie

At this university upon a hill,

I meet a tenured professor

Who's strangely thrilled

To list all of the oppressors --

Past, present, and future -- who have killed.

Are killing, and will kill the indigenous.

O, he names the standard suspects --

Rich, white, and unjust --

And I, a red man, think he's correct,

But why does he have to be so humorless?

And how can he, a white man, fondly speak

Of the Ghost Dance, the strange and cruel

Ceremony

That, if performed well, would have doomed

All white men to hell, destroyed their colonies,

And brought back every dead Indian to life?

The professor says, "Brown people

From all brown tribes

Will burn skyscrapers and steeples.

They'll speak Spanish and carry guns and knives.

Sherman, can't you see that immigration

Is the new and improved Ghost Dance?"

All I can do is laugh and laugh

And say, "Damn, you've got some imagination.

You should write a screenplay about this shit --

About some fictional city,

Grown fat and pale and pretty,

That's destroyed by a Chicano apocalypse."

The professor doesn't speak. He shakes his head

And assaults me with his pity.

I wonder how he can believe

In a ceremony that requires his death.

I think that he thinks he's the new Jesus.

He's eager to get on that cross

And pay the ultimate cost

Because he's addicted to the indigenous.

The Jesus Rede?: In Which a Pagan Considers the Seeming Impossibility of Christo-Paganism

2011-08-09T12:33:00.005-04:00

Quite frequently, I stumble onto a topic that fascinates me, and then I devote inordinate amounts of time and energy pulling it apart. This is how the entire Quiverfull honors thesis occurred. Last night I watched The 19th Wife, a murder mystery about fundamentalist Mormons in polygamist marriages, and it sparked the long ignored desire to learn more about Mormonism in general. I already have the list of books ready. By the same token, a search for a long-forgotten novel about witches in a swamp randomly pulled up a list of books about, of all things, Christian Paganism. After posting a short status on it on Facebook, there ensued a civilized discussion about and wondering over the topic. Of course, someone interjected that they believe that the amalgamation is a natural progression for someone raised in a Christian background, then stated the use of statues of the Virgin Mary in some Pagan ritual. *sigh*

Okay, I have a small Mary on my altar. While I spent my youth among the pews of various Protestants, I was never really Catholic, but I recognize that Mary is truly an altered version of the Goddesses of old. She was the Christian face of Isis and Cerridwen and so many others, and this is why she sits among Kwan Yin and Ganesha and my dragons on the polished wood. Not because she represents some connection with a faith that I have long abandoned. When I stepped away from Christianity, I stepped away. Now maybe that was my own particular experience. Maybe no other ex-Christians/current Pagans had this experience, but I know this isn't true. I've met too many who went through the exact same thing. In addition to all this, I for one have quite a large amount of respect for most of the teachings of the man who was Jesus. I think he did exist, but that he was simply a brilliant philosopher much like the Buddha or many other before and since. I don't worship him on my particular altar, but I see how some Pagans could include him in their own worship--at least the teachings of love, not the idea of him as the son of the Christian God.

Having said all that, here's what I really think: there is no way to truly mesh Paganism in any form with Christianity. The Christian religion, at its heart, is based around the notion that God required a bloody human sacrifice in order to redeem humankind of its sins. This is antithetical to everything I've ever learned about Paganism in general. Our Goddesses and Gods do not require, do not ask for blood on their altars, and we do not need to go crawling on our knees for forgiveness for "sins." Whatever we do, we do. I have gone to the Goddess and God to ask for help in overcoming the faults that caused me to make some error, but never for forgiveness. That is something I must give to myself. In any case, my point is how is it possible to wed a religion drenched from its very beginning in blood to one opposed to such things. Yes, I plan on delving into the books written by those in the various Christo-Pagan traditions in order to see what they say about their own faith, but I am at a complete loss to even begin to fathom how they convince themselves this works.

If there are any Christo-Pagans/Trinitarians/etc. reading, please feel free to contact me with your own explanations. I am truly interested, despite my utter lack of faith in the possibility.

P.S. For those who call themselves "Christian Witches," how exactly do you gloss over the injunction of "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live."?

Book Life 20: Vampires and Philosophy, or Lessons Mema Taught Me

2011-08-03T19:08:00.007-04:00

Some of you are going to laugh at me; I accept this. It has happened before, trust me. My own beautiful, loving wife thinks me utterly mad, as does at least one of my oldest friends, but oh, well...having said that, here we go.

I am one of those people who believe that, yes, one person can change the world. It may be one tiny action at a time, but it is possible. I have always believed this, taught at the knee of my Mema that every nice thing you do means something. She never said the exact words, "you can change the world one act of kindness at a time," but that's damn well what she taught me. Small acts of respect and kindness are sometimes seen as simply good manners, especially in the South, but for those lucky few of us brought up by people like my Mema, we know that it's more. It's the only way that we can affect any positive change in the world.

What brings this up, you ask? I've been rereading Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicles and just finished The Tale of the Body Thief. So what? Completely unrelated? Not so! If you've never read it, this is a story of astral projection, human and vampire nature, and the very nature of good in the universe. In this novel as in none of the others of the series (save perhaps Memnoch the Devil) does Lestat wax quite so philosophical. He ponders the nature of his soul when anchored in human and vampire flesh and the ideas of good and evil as affected by souls in those two spheres. In one particular section, Lestat is discussing the work of Rembrandt and his theories on his life and art.

With each portrait he understood the grace and goodness of mankind ever more deeply. He understood the capacity for compassion and wisdom which resides in every soul...At last the faces Rembrandt painted were not flesh-and-blood faces at all. They were spiritual countenances, portraits of what lay within the body of the man or the woman; they were visions of what the person was at his or her finest hour, of what they stood to become...[His many self-portraits] were his personal plea to God to note the progress of this man, who, through his close observation of others like him, had been completely religiously transformed. "This is my vision," said Rembrandt to God. (The Tale of the Body Thief, 36)

The first time I read this, I was consumed in relief that at least one other person (Anne Rice through her creation) felt the same as I: that the true nature of humanity is goodness and compassion and love, though it may be hard to see at times. All humans have the capacity to love and do good, though some, for whatever reasons, do not show it. And it is for this reason it is so important to do good and kind things. Sometimes, I think, it is enough to let others know that kindness still exists. In some cases, that may be enough to keep that tiny spark of humanity glowing, and it has always been my opinion that once someone is shown true kindness that they will feel compelled in some way to show this to others. Here again, Lestat (and Rice) and I agree.

What a miracle, I thought. One tiny flame could make so many other flames; one tiny flame could set afire a whole world. Why, I had, with this simple gesture, actually increased the sum total of light in the universe, had I not? (The Tale of the Body Thief, 116)

He is literally speaking of candles here, but taken in the greater context, it's easy to extend that to actions in the world. I think Mema would have liked this part of Lestat; unfortunately, the whole blood drinking thing may have constituted a problem.

We Was Po' Revisited: Sign Me Up

2011-07-27T16:14:00.003-04:00

Okay, so I've blogged about this before (see "We Was Po', part ii" from August 2010), but another article has popped up on yahoo related to this same topic. If you haven't seen it, it's a list of the worst paying college degrees of 2011. Of course, religious studies is included along with social work and several education degrees. For those of us lost in the throws of passion for the study of religion, this really isn't a surprise. As I've said before, if you come to the study of religion in any form expecting to get rich, you have been lied to, my friend. We do it because it's relevant and interesting and awesome, but this is not my point.

What made me come back to this again is a conversation I had on Facebook with an acquaintance. They asked me what I graduated with, and after I told them, they promptly sent me to the above article and basically declared me a fool in not so many words. Not only do I possess a degree on a list of so-called "low-payers," I have two other BA's in subjects equally (to their mind) as useless. Of course, by useless they meant that I will likely never become a millionaire doing it. My response was the following:

You ridicule my choices in degrees because they won't make me a ton of money and even pity me because of it, but I pity you because you seem to only be able to value the possibility of money. Yes, I need money to live in this society. Capitalism is mostly evil, but it is what it is; and I have accepted that fact. Yes, I know my particular areas of study, despite their salience, will not allow me to own 4 houses, a fleet of cars, and whatever else it is for which you need that much money. However, what you are looking at as a pittance of a salary seems miraculous to me. My first job netted me less than half of the lowest salary on that list in a year. My wife, though better paid than we were then, still makes less than half of that in a year. If I were to land a position teaching my subjects and managed to pull in the "low" salary of around $30,000, I would be ecstatic and suddenly be operating on twice the budget we have now. If I were to have a job making that much, my wife could quit work because we would be able to pay all our bills. She could do whatever she wished in school and take her time finding a job doing what she wants to do. Once she got a job (which would net her nearly $30,000 as well), we would be rich based on how we were raised, the areas we grew up in, and our lives up to that point. Life would be much smoother financially. Hell, we might be able to actually think about buying a house and a car made in a closer to current year. In short, I would be divinely happy with that. So, remind me again what the problem is with that figure.

Mad Clippers: The Truth Behind (Some) Extreme Couponing

2011-07-22T14:29:00.007-04:00

Okay, my friends all know I am in love with coupons. I clip the Sunday paper, troll online sites, email companies, etc. in order to get them. We are broke and both of us have been since we can remember. My mother was a crazy coupon lady. On a trip to Harvey's once, she paid under $10 for over $200 worth of groceries. I'm still impressed. My own shopping trips haven't gotten quite as awesome, but I do all right. I get things for free occasionally, and I get things for damn near free a lot of the time. However, I don't do coupons for the fun of it. Sure, I get a kick out of it, but that isn't the point. The point is to make sure we can afford the groceries and household items we need every week.

So, where in the world is this headed, you ask. I finally found a site online to watch TLC's Extreme Couponing, and I am, for the most part, I am horrified. Some of the people are awesome. One guy bought an insane amount of hba items (like around 200 toothpastes, etc.), but turned around and donated a ton to deployed soldiers. One woman did the same with food items, but donated over half to a food bank. Those I get. Those I think are awesome. However, even they have something in common with the others that makes me livid: the stockpile.

All of the people profiled on the show have stockpiles that take over garages, rooms, closets, you name it. Some of the families are large, so a reasonable stockpile makes sense. Buy 50 bottles of shampoo for nothing or near it, and you don't have to worry about it for a while. BUT they don't just buy it like that. One man had a literal wall of toothpaste which he was stockpiling for his 4 person family. There is no way they will be able to use a fraction of that before he buys more. One woman has hundreds of packages of diapers in her garage that she got basically for free, but she has no kids! She is neither married nor dating anyone with whom she is planning on having a child anytime soon. She simply bought them and stored them for "the future." While it makes sense in a way, it just seems excessive and wasteful to me. If I had the space and money to spend, I would do the crazy coupons for those things and donate them, but I don't. My "stockpile" might be 2 or 3 bottles of the same shampoo when I didn't need it yet but which I spent maybe 50 cents on. The difference is that I won't buy anymore shampoo until that is gone.

This whole thing aggravates the hell out of me. I have nothing against saving money; it's wonderful. However, this is no longer actually doing that. The diaper woman was shown buying Mylanta or a similar product which she admittedly never uses, but she couldn't pass it up because it was such a good deal. A "good deal" is one that saves you money on an item you use. It would be like me going out and buying 20 boxes of pregnancy tests to keep in my stockpile because they were extremely cheap. I have no use for them, so any money I spent on them is automatically wasted. Therefore, not a good deal. *sigh*

All of this is not to say that all extreme couponers are like this. On the contrary, there were a few who simply built up items their families needed without being ridiculous about it. Anything over their own need that they got for free or spent pennies on, they donated or gave to extended family. Those are good deals. What these other people are doing? Well, compare an episode of that show to Hoarders, and the only difference you are likely to see is how neatly the items are contained. They are simply escaping the stigma and label by throwing up a shield of coupons and being on a different show. Just sayin...

Adventures in Women's Studies: Facepalm Ad Infinitum

2011-07-20T08:07:00.004-04:00

What a way to start a morning...So, Summer's Eve has a new set of commercials promoting their wash and on-the-go wipes, and oh dear Goddess. What's the big deal?, you ask. Well, go check them out at Huffington Post. I'll wait...

Summer's Eve Hail to the V Commercials

Done? See what I mean? What in the world made them think these were a good idea? The Black woman goes to the club, the Latina is having kids, and the white woman is apparently the reason for the entire world. I would love to meet the person in advertising who created this mess. Between these and the Klondike bar fiasco (read my response to that here), I feel like I've fallen through some portal into the 1950's. What's next? Hoover commercials telling us that wives want a vacuum for Christmas or a woman caressing a shiny new refrigerator?

What has happened, people? I know that fads and time periods come and go; just look at fashion. But really? Fifties' style sexism? I could do without that one returning. The worst part of all this is that it isn't just advertising. Take a look at politics. Michele Bachmann has fully admitted that she follows old school biblical submission in her household, which of course, calls into question who exactly would be running the country should she be elected (Goddess forbid). Would her commitment to submission become a serious problem were she to be the most powerful person in the country? (And a question for another blog: how does being president even work with that ideal?) Regardless, it shows how prevalent these sexist ideals have become, and frankly, I am really worried. We are presenting the next generation of girls with these fragmented and outdated templates of how they are "supposed" to be. If this continues, no one should be surprised when teen pregnancy stays the same or increases (child bearing being an ideal job), when domestic abuse and rape become just another minor problem (more so than they already are seen as), and college stops being a means to a life of one's own and starts being just a way to get an Mrs. degree.

And yes, all this from poorly conceived advertising...

Book Life 19: I Have Always Relied on the Awesomeness of Ballsy Southern Broads

2011-07-16T17:31:00.003-04:00

When I was about 16, I bought a copy of Brett Butler's Knee Deep in Paradise in the Wal-Mart book aisle. This was before my hometown had a Supercenter, and I haunted that aisle to the point that I can still see it in my head. At the time, I was up to my neck in self-loathing Evangelical fervor, convinced of my own damnation and living in a black cloud of suicidal funk because of it. As was my habit prior to and after that time, I buried myself in books that, surprisingly, were more supportive of that little lesbian hiding within than the psycho that was wandering around on the surface. I found E. Lynn Harris' first novel (Invisible Life) at our library (I still marvel at that), and Brett Butler in Wal-Mart. Now, Butler is not gay, but she has had a similarly disjointed and broken life. And she hails from my neck of the woods--proof that you can be as odd as we seem to be there and survive, even thrive.

The 90's were rife with comedians and stand-up specials on every channel, but none of them ever caught my attention like Butler. Despite the jokes, something told me she had been as destructive and destroyed as I was at the time, and I loved her for it and have ever since. To this day, if I still had copies of her specials, I guarantee I would laugh until I hurt myself at her. I still quote things from her specials now. I watched every single episode of Grace Under Fire and was heartbroken when it no longer existed.

When writing, I could call myself back from the darkness, rest and reclaim things I'd let go of long ago.--Brett Butler

In the years before the internet was the monstrosity that it is now, I never really knew when books I would be interested in would be coming out until they hit the shelves at Wal-Mart or the library. So I had no idea her book was coming out until I stumbled upon it that day. It was profound enough of an experience that I remember it nearly 17 years later. Much like the Harry Potter releases so many years after, I did not sleep that night so I could devour the book. Then I read it again. And again.

I recently found another copy in one of my used book haunts and snatched it up immediately, worrying that I had only found it so engrossing and profound because of the time in which I first read it. I was wrong. I still see my own shattered years in hers, though the shattering was due to much different events, and my family in hers, both of which collapsed under the weight of their own particular Southern dysfunction. This has been less of a review than a love letter to one of my favorite famous women and her book, I know, but I don't think it could have been anything less. It is strong, intelligent Southern women like Brett Butler that make me proud of my Alabama roots. She is what I think Mema was to me but would have been publicly had she been born much later and what I hope I am or will be.

Fun with OCD: My Top 5 OCD Household Items

2011-07-13T20:11:00.013-04:00

I don't usually do blog posts like this, as this is not a shopping blog, but as I was washing dishes this evening (an inordinate number for just two people, in my opinion), I was thinking about all the awesome things on the market that make me as an OCD person happy. Some of the following we own, and some I covet and hope to own eventually. So, sit back and enjoy my top 5 OCD household items.

#1: The OCD Chef Cutting Board

This is the newest item on my "I want that" list. Naturally antibacterial, allows my chopping to be perfectly even, and it even has OCD in the title. How can you lose. Can be bought here. Thank you, ThinkGeek!

#2: Rachel Ray Gusto-Grip Basics Knives

Now, these we actually own, thanks to some leftover financial aid money when we moved into this apartment. In addition to being awesomely sharp and matching our kitchen colors, the handles are non-slip (important for klutzes like me) and anti-microbial, as all knife handles should be. Can be bought here and other places, I'm sure.

#3: The No-Pot Coffee Maker

I don't generally like coffee, but my lovely wife does. And on the rare occasions we stay in hotels, it always bugged the crap outta me when she would use the in-room coffee pot. Now, I'm not saying all hotel housekeepers are lax with the cleaning. However, I've worked at a hotel, and I know that some are much more stringent than others. So not all hotel room coffee pots are really clean. Imagine my delight the first time we stayed in a hotel whose in-room coffee makers had no pot! You use these little packets of coffee, and it dispenses directly into your cup. Brilliant! (I couldn't find a pic of the one I was looking for, and I'm not sure where they can be bought by the public. Sorry.)

#4: The Premier Anti-Bacterial Toothbrush

Until last year, I found myself unable to use the same toothbrush twice. I would buy the multi-packs at Dollar Tree every week, and toss after using. As you can imagine, even buying these at the Dollar Tree got a little pricey. Then one day while perusing the travel section of the health and beauty aids department at Wal-Mart, I found a wonderful thing: the Premier Anti-Bacterial Travel Toothbrush. The bristles themselves are anti-bacterial, which is supposed to last the standard three months. (I don't quite trust that because I'm me, so I buy a new one every 2 and a half months.) At about $2, they are certainly cheaper than my previous toothbrush habit, and I don't have to carry the ecological guilt either.

#5: Mr. Clean Magic Eraser

No matter how much you clean some stuff with regular cleaners, there are stains. Enter the Mr. Clean Magic Eraser. You wet this thing and scrub at the stain...voila! no more stain. I love these so much; they were especially wonderful when moving into a new place. I have no idea how they work, and I don't wanna know. It's probably of alien origin.

That's all for now. Maybe I'll do my favorite OCD products for carrying about next time...

Trapped in the Cockadoodie Car: OCD and Me Have a Sit Down

2011-07-12T15:24:00.009-04:00

"I am your number one fan. There is nothing to worry about. You are going to be just fine. I am your number one fan."

Thanks to my unfortunate unemployment, I find myself with time to watch and re-watch a lot of my favorite movies...or at least the ones I still have and haven't sold to the video store. Among today's selections is Misery, one of my favorite Stephen King creations. For those of you who haven't seen or read it, it's the story of Paul Sheldon, a writer who has come to loathe his money-making romance series, and his entrapment by a crazed fan. He has a wreck, and Annie Wilkes, insane ex-nurse extraordinaire, hauls him into her home and...Well, I despise spoilers, so suffice it to say, Annie Wilkes is truly one of the craziest bitches to ever come down the pike. As in several of my favorite King tales, this serves as an allegory for what his addictions did to him (also see The Shining) and also how a writer's mind splits (see Secret Window and The Dark Half). Worry not, faithful reader, I do have a point.

Just as an addiction or the writing life can control and warp one's life and mind, so can mental disorders. OCD often acts as the monkey on my back that drugs and alcohol can be for those addicted to them. My particular OCD is absolutely not as life-destroying as any of these things on a regular basis, but it is for many. On my worst days, I feel trapped and held hostage by these ideas and worries that I absolutely cannot control, and always somewhere in the back of my mind, one of those nagging little voices says, "But your life would be chaos without us making sure the door was locked and the stove was off and the books are in order and the cans are alphabetized!" The worst of it is that some part of me believes that. Some part truly thinks I would likely leave doors wide open, burn the place down with forgotten stoves, and be living in filth were it not for these bizarre obsessions and compulsions of mine...when, really, we all know perfectly well that it is they who are the problem--not the solution to anything. I'm hobbled by my inability to go against them.

"WHAT'S THE MATTER? I will tell you "what's the matter!" I go out of my way for you! I do everything to try and make you happy. I feed you, I clean you, I dress you, and what thanks do I get? "Oh, you bought the wrong paper, Annie, I can't write on this paper, Annie!" Well, I'll get your stupid paper but you just better start showing me a little appreciation around here, Mr. MAN!"

In any case, the actual impetus for this blog concerns storage. I was sitting here watching Misery, and I happened to glance at the bookshelf to the left of the TV. For the most part, it holds my religion and women's studies books, but it also has our Sharyn McCrumb collection, my awesome Jim Jones snowglobe, and a few things "stored" along the top of the books on the shelves (a few notebooks, etc.). Of course, this drives me nuts. I don't like having the stuff stacked up there; it is certainly not an ideal storage location. I twitch every time I look at it, but I honestly don't have anywhere else to put it. So, I started wondering, "where does everyone else store their extra notebooks, pens, post-its and office supplies?" I pondered that for a bit until it dawned on me that most people, at least those who aren't students or the parents of school-age children, don't have extra office supplies stacked everywhere and don't need to have storage for them. It was another of those "we are not normal" moments that I seem to have more and more recently.

And my own personal "Annie Wilkes" came and patted my hand and said, "No, no, dear, it's they who are not normal. How prepared are they? And I bet their doors aren't locked and they're the ones whose houses catch fire from stoves. I keep all that from happening. I am the last line of defense between you and chaos."

Yeah. Sure.

I'm Done: Final Thoughts on the Recent Debacle

2011-07-11T19:04:00.003-04:00

In the last few days, there have been I don't know how many Facebook groups, repostables, statuses, etc. about the Casey Anthony circus popping up. I know, I already blogged about this, but I am getting incredibly sick of it. The straw that broke the camel's back was this youtube video using pictures of Caylee Anthony and a country song written for her. At least 10 people I'm friends with on Facebook posted the link in a span of maybe 2 hours. After hiding the 7th one, I went check it out. I was told to grab tissues, but I doubted the necessity. Turns out I was right. No tears, guys. As small children go, she was adorable, but so are a lot of kids. I'll repeat: I hate that a little kid died; it was incredibly senseless and sad, however it may have happened.

BUT (you had to know that was coming) where is the outpouring of grief for the millions of starving and malnourished children that die everyday? Where are the songs written for them? Where are their Facebook groups and repostables?

70% of the approximately 9 million children under 5 who die everyday die of preventable causes, most of those are caused by malnutrition.

I can already hear some of the rebuttals about helping people here first, etc, etc, etc. So, how about this:

Five children die everyday in the United States from causes directly linked to abuse or neglect.

It is absolutely insane to me that so many people have spent so much time talking and thinking about this case. Again, it was bad, but so are the thousands upon thousands of other deaths that happen everyday. Over 1000 children under the age of 5 die every hour, so in the twenty minutes or so I spent writing this almost 350 children under 5 died. If the recent craziness is any indication, my Facebook wall should be packed with links to songs, groups, etc. about those kids. Let's go see....

Step Right Up!: (Reluctantly) Weighing in on the Casey Anthony Circus

2011-07-05T15:01:00.004-04:00

I cannot believe I'm writing this blog. I have ignored the entire Casey Anthony debacle as much as possible, and I wouldn't even have known they reached a verdict had every news source not been blasting it. Of course, as soon as the verdict was read, Facebook blew up. In fact, there are already two of those re-postables in honor of the little girl going around, after only about 45 minutes. By the way, this post is probably going to piss some people off, just to warn you.

First of all, I am making no judgments on whether she did or did not kill her daughter. I was not there. I did not see anything, was not present in the courtroom to see evidence or hear testimony, nor do I even know any of the people involved even remotely. Therefore, I have no reason to think my judgments would be correct. If she did do it, she should have been punished, though the death penalty would never have been reasonable in my opinion. If she didn't, I'm glad she was acquitted.

I am not writing this to yell and scream about her not guilty verdict. Nor am I writing it to proclaim her innocence. As I said, who am I to say? I was not on her jury. What this is about is the public response to the whole mess. Since it began, the public has been collectively losing its mind over this case. Yes, it is sad that a small child died. Is she the only one that died at that time? No. Is she the only one who died under odd circumstances? No. Do I think that if she had been a child of color or someone much poorer the media would have jumped on this? No. The Casey Anthony circus reminds me a great deal of the Jon Benet Carnival several years back, and I have the same opinions about that mess as well.

I continue to be depressed and aggravated by my fellow human beings. You would think the woman had come into their homes and murdered their child from the tone and comments. The comment (from Facebook, of course) that bothered me the most was: "I have never been so disappointed or disgusted with our legal system." Really? Never? Not once? While I do believe that murder is a serious and terrible offence, this particular case is certainly not one that made me lose faith in the legal system. That happened years and years ago and continues to happen repeatedly. Rapists walk the streets, women are still forced to pay for their own rape kits in some areas, children are taken away from loving parents because of sexual preference, a homeless man is given years in prison for stealing $100 because he was hungry (which he later returned on the grounds that "he was raised better") yet a person who steals billions (literally) in corporate America is given mere months, Leonard Peltier is still in prison, poor people and people of color are disproportionately jailed for minor offences that the wealthy and white continually get away with....

So, do I mourn the fact that a young life was ended, possibly violently? Of course, but I also mourn the thousands who die homeless and hungry, who are killed by bullets and bombs in idiotic wars, who suffer needlessly everyday. The point is that if the Casey Anthony case is the first thing that made you question the justice of our legal system or anything else in this world, you have not been paying attention.

Not Without My Books, or Change is a Four-Letter Word: Hoarding Rears Its Ugly, Cluttered Head

2011-07-03T16:55:00.004-04:00

This afternoon Anna had a sudden urge to see what the living room would look like rearranged. So she found a program online, and I spent the better part of an hour or so calling out the measurements of everything. Basically, it all came to nothing because the stuff we have simply doesn't seem to work in any other configuration, but I do have a point to this...Afterwards, Anna was saying that we have too much stuff--primarily books. It isn't that she doesn't like books. Quite the contrary. She loves to read as much as I do, but she simply doesn't have the need to keep them once they're read for the most part. I like to keep a great deal of mine, mainly because I'm always certain that, at some point in the future, I will want to reread it or will need it for something, and therefore in order to save the trouble of finding and buying it again, I should keep it. In the past, I have been proven quite right in many cases. Some of my books show the wear of many, many readings. Some I may have only reread once or twice, but they are either difficult to find or simply things that I love and want around. Some are, well...

Anyway, during the course of the conversation, I burst into my usual frustrated tears. My immediate response was to go on the defensive. "I did good! I've gotten rid of a ton of stuff!" And I have been good and gotten rid of a ton of stuff. Our closet can testify to that. My gods the amount of crap we cleared out over the past few months, when one counts the storage apocalypse as well as the closet! But certain things, books in this case, I absolutely panic at the thought of clearing out. Take my "school" bookshelf for instance. There are things on there that I have used many times, and were I in graduate school right now, I would be using them again--books I have kept from various classes, some from my honors thesis, and a few (*cough* 9 *cough*) versions of the Bible for comparative purposes. The problem is that I am not in grad school and don't look to be for quite a while. I can't afford to retake the GRE without a job, nor can I afford the application fees. And besides all that, even if I got into a graduate school right now, we certainly couldn't afford to move to wherever it might be. But I just can't get rid of them. If and when I needed them, it would prove difficult and expensive to replace some of them, so I should keep them. Not to mention the fact that if I got rid of them, it would be like I was admitting defeat in a way, letting FSU's rejection decide that I'm not going to do what I want to do...

When really...it's just trading in or selling some books that I'm not using at the moment...I hate OCD.

Adventures in Women's Studies: Klondike Drops the Bar

2011-06-28T20:51:00.006-04:00

We don't have cable, so we watch all the shows we're obsessed with online--hulu, fox, etc. Despite the fact that they're online, there are a tone of ads, and the same ones play over and over during the Kitchen Nightmare seasons we've been watching: Axe and Klondike Bars. It should come as no surprise that Axe commercials are ridiculously misogynistic; they've always been that way. I still hate them, but at least I know what to expect from them. Klondike Bars, however, has started running one that I didn't see coming. They've been doing the "What would you do for a Klondike Bar?" thing for years and years, but the new one is the problem. The scene is a man and woman sitting on a couch; the man is watching tv, the woman is talking. It's titled "Mark vs. Actually Listening to His Wife." He listens to her talk for 5 seconds (literally) and is rewarded with a Klondike Bar, streamers, and two scantily clad blondes jumping around. I see this thing at least 10 or 15 times a day lately, and it never fails to piss me off. It's as if we've reverted to the '50's.

"To the moon, Alice!"

Advertising has never been feminist by any means, and it seems to be one of the last few remaining areas in which misogyny is perfectly acceptable. Take the Axe commercials: each one features a man who becomes an instant "chick magnet" by using the body wash, hair product, or whatever else they've started producing. The women are presented as being completely unable to control themselves or stop themselves from crawling all over the man. (That's all we need, more men who believe they're a gift to women.) The point is it's the year 2011, people. Are we really so pathetically uninteresting that we are still using these antiquated tropes? And are we really so pathetic that we like them or they work?

I went to Klondike's web site to complain and got back an initial form letter stating the following:

Unilever Ice Cream markets its various brands in ways that are meant to entertain and engage our target audience. The Klondike advertising appearing on AOL and other internet sites was developed to generate interest among our core users, adults 45+, for a “What Would You Do For A Klondike Bar?” contest recently launched by the brand. It was only intended to be humorous.

You may be interested to know that all of our commercials and advertisements are pre-tested and various techniques are used to evaluate consumer reactions. Based on the results of our pre-testing procedures, the presentations are chosen for their majority appeal. Please let us assure you that your comments are extremely important to us in evaluating the success of our commercials and advertisements.We have a long history of presenting "tasteful" advertising to the public. Our ads must be informative and truthful. The agencies creating our advertising adhere strictly to these guidelines.We certainly do not wish to offend anyone. In developing product messages, Unilever and its agencies may not always anticipate all possible implications of an advertisement or television commercial.

Pardon me, but truthful and tasteful? So every man in the U.S. needs to be bribed with ice cream in order to listen to his wife for a few seconds? I call shenanigans. Then they follow that with the old "we didn't want to offend." My standard reply to that is, well, then you shouldn't have said it.

Was your last job with IHS?: A Feminist Rages

2011-06-22T21:44:00.006-04:00

A friend of ours recently had an ultrasound done and found out she has a cyst. She shuffled off to the gynecologist to follow up and the following ensued--reconstructed from what I was told. (It is salient to note that she is African-American and of a lower socio-economic status.)

Dr: Do you have children?

Friend: Two.
Dr: Where do you work?

Friend: (insert low paying job here)

Dr: Okay, we need to go ahead and take out both ovaries and tubes as soon as possible. (He meant next week, and keep in mind here that he has no blood work, no biospy, and the ultrasound people told her to just come back in 6 months.) You already have two kids, and you don't need to bring anymore "into this society."

WHAT? This doctor has no reason whatsoever to think that the cyst requires any further scrutiny, and yet he suggested fairly radical surgery and told her only after asking about her job that she didn't need to have anymore. And this was not some weird, ancient clinic doc. No, he's part of a well-known and (I thought) well-respected women's health care group here in town. My first thought was of the sterilization of poor women of color on reservations and elsewhere. If she had been white or had a better paying job, would he have suggested this? My guess is no, no he would not.

Regardless of my own personal beliefs about overpopulation, etc., this is ridiculous and unacceptable. Aside from the fact that he immediately suggested surgery for something that may not even need any intervention, he took it upon himself to decide that she shouldn't have more children apparently based on nothing more than her race and SES. 2011, and we're still at this point...

Book Life 18: These are Not the Pagans I Was Looking For

2011-06-21T00:05:00.004-04:00

I should be asleep right now. Except for a two hour nap yesterday and around the same this evening, I've been up since 9 am Sunday. Stayed up, played D&D, came home, watched the season finale of Game of Thrones, and should have crashed. My body, however, had different plans. So I picked up the next book on my to-read list (at least the next one I have), which is the book you see to the left, Pagan Visions for a Sustainable Future edited by Ly de Angeles, Emma Restall Orr, and Thom van Dooren. I was very excited when I bought this book a while back, because as my fellow PSA (Pagan Student Association) members at FSU can tell you, Pagan Ethics is one of those things we can discuss for weeks. Those were some of the most involved and popular discussions at our meetings, in fact. The popular thought is you can ask 10 Pagans a question on anything and get at least 15-20 responses, and it's true. We do love to discuss and pick apart and analyze and debate, which is a good thing. It means we are open minded and civilized enough to realize that we are not going to agree completely and that's okay. Anyway, all of the above is to say I was quite enamored of the idea of this book when I bought it. There aren't very many Pagan Ethics books floating around, after all. However, of the many many books I have read over the years, Pagan literature has been the genre that has most disappointed me, and unfortunately, this book falls into that category.

The introduction rekindled the excitement I had when I found it:

"We make jokes about..."superstar Pagans" and "cash-register Druids," and all the while these people are becoming more and more common...What is so significant about these people is that they are coming to define what Paganism is...to a public that is greedy for anything even slightly sensational."--Thom van Dooren, "Introduction"

I loved this statement and a few other similar to it, because it's just true. Non-Pagans who have delved even shallowly into our literature for their own edification will likely recognize a handful of names like Scott Cunningham, Silver Ravenwolf, and Starhawk; they tend to serve as our emissaries into the wider world whether we wish them to or not, based entirely on their wide availability and copious publications. This is not to say that I have not read them. On the contrary, as a young solitary Wiccan 12 years ago, Cunningham was one of my go-to reads, and Starhawk pops up in Women's Studies and Religion texts all the time. This is also not to say that I like them. Cunningham had excellent information, and I think he's awesome. Silver Ravenwolf I believe is a blight on the Pagan world, and as my friend A'ishah and I have discussed many times, I am tired of Starhawk. From all appearances, she is the only feminist Pagan woman writing anything ever, and not all of it is worth the paper upon which it is printed. Certainly I am not saying that just because these are popular authors they have no worth, but as van Dooren pointed out, this problem is that they are coming more and more to completely represent Paganism. Ravenwolf and even Cunningham represent only one particular portion of the Pagan community, and yet, they are constantly put forth as representatives of our entire community. My Paganism is absolutely not that of Ravenwolf, and it has not been that of Cunningham for years. However, due to their place as spokespeople, we are all specifically Wiccan and solitary and etc. to outsiders.

Wow, I kind of veered off topic there...My point is that this book's intro set it up to be the response to that erroneous appearance with all the talk of superstar Pagans, but then it went down in flames. My excitement over the book made me forget the cardinal rule of buying Pagan books: always read the contributor list. There's Starhawk rearing her over-published head. I realize that many consider her not a superstar Pagan but a classic Pagan author, much like others in various other religious sects. But I can guarantee you, given the experiences I've had in Religion and Women's Studies courses over the past few years, she falls more into the former category than the latter. And maybe these editors see her as that classic Pagan author, but I think to do that, one has to ignore the place she is given in academic circles beyond the Pagan community. By placing her in this collection, they lost all credibility to me. Of course, many of the articles were well-written and maybe thought provoking for those in the particular groups addressed, but for me it was all overshadowed by that contradiction between ideal and published reality.

My kingdom for a good, solid Pagan Ethics book, one that does not privilege Starhawk and/or the Wiccan community. There are other Pagans out here, I assure you.

Freaking Right on Out: OCD Deluxe Pays a Visit

2011-06-18T15:12:00.002-04:00

Today has been the first really bad day since I stopped my meds. I mean, yeah, my usual twitches and tics have been poking me repeatedly, but I haven't had one of those "my brain is being shaken" days up till now. For some reason, when I woke up this morning, my insanity decided today was an excellent time to come out and play.

So, I put away all the clean clothes from yesterday and washed dishes (normal), and then I refolded everything in the dresser (not normal). All of it, underwear drawer and all. Yes, it meant I got to use my flip-n-fold, which as we all know is one of the Goddess' greatest gifts, but seriously? I made myself sit down for a bit so I could eat some lunch and play Zombie Lane (I had pumpkins to harvest after all.), and of course, I'm writing this. However, the entire time I have been quietly losing my shit and trying to figure out what else I can do. Too much more of this and there may be drastic things done to hair out of sheer insane need to do SOMETHING. On another meds-related note, I am still having DT's. Joy.

Adventures in Women's Studies: The Duggars Revisited

2011-06-16T18:56:00.005-04:00

So, we all know how much I miss academia. I have been going out of my skull with no research, conjugations, or papers to do, and so when Genevieve, a fabulous grad student who teaches Women's Studies, emailed and asked me to give my Quiverfull presentation for her class, of course I said yes. Next Wednesday evening I get to put that look of "omg are you serious?" into the eyes of Women's Studies students. It's great. I love it. Anyway, the class is a new one called Mothering in the 21st Century, so I know I need to update the PowerPoint I use--not to mention it just needs updating. I decided to catch up on my Duggar surveillance. I backtracked and figured out I've missed 3 whole seasons (!) and what there is of season 7. Horrors! Being without cable, I went trolling YouTube, and lo and behold there they all are in pieces. Voila! Duggar-thon! (Thank you duggarhayesfan for uploading all of them!)

I don't really have a solid point for this blog post, but we'll see what new and fabulous insights arise from my mini research session...

As I was about to post this, Michelle mentioned that she was taking Jim Bob to her Weight Watchers meeting...and then she said Jana had been going for quite a while. Jana is the oldest daughter and has never once in all the years they've been on tv been even slightly chubby. She's beautiful (I will be woman enough to admit having a small crush...calm down--she's over 18.), and I just don't know what to do with this info yet. I get Michelle going: She uses WW to lose the baby weight after each kid and get back to her pre-pregnancy weight. Fine. Whatever floats her boat. But I just don't know what to think about encouraging Jana to do it. That just screams messed up body images to me...

Duggar Fun (If a Bit Scary) Fact: If all 19 kids had 19 kids each, there would be nearly 7,000 grand-Duggars. Oh, VIsion Forum would love that...

Book Life 17: "Poetry Should Not Flinch"

2011-06-14T18:48:00.008-04:00

Given that one of my degrees is in Creative Writing, it should come as no surprise that I love poetry. I write it when my brain wants to cooperate, and I read the good stuff when I find it. Poetry is kind of like drugs: the bad stuff can really screw with you, but the good stuff, ah, now that will get you strung out wanting more.

Elegy for the Southern Drawl by Rodney Jones

I stumbled on this while picking books at Powells.com to use my trade credit on, and I am so glad that I did. Jones is an Alabama-born poet with a beautiful voice. The title quote is from his poem "A Coronary in Liposuction," and I swear it's going on the "maybe one of my tattoos" list. After reading this book, I immediately realized I'd read a poem of his elsewhere, and lo and behold if I didn't find it in one of my favorite collections ever: Working the Dirt: An Anthology of Southern Poets edited by Jennifer Horne. I picked that one up in a tiny bookstore in Monroeville, AL when we went home to visit. I fell in love with it, and there Jones was on page 164. Too bad I'm so broke, or I'd order the rest of his books right now!

While I'm on the subject of poetry, I have also recently had the good fortune to read The Alphabet Conspiracy by Rita Mae Reese. A friend and former professor gave me a copy, and it's wonderful.

The Cleansing of the Articles: Hoarder Self-Intervention, Part Oh, Who Knows...

2011-06-11T18:41:00.005-04:00

Well, I cleaned out the binders today. An entire bottom shelf of one of our short bookcases was lined with binders filled with articles from various classes over the past four years. I kept, well, everything; my justification was that I might need them again for a paper. I was right quite a few times, but not 16 binders worth. So, I made myself sit down and go through all of them this afternoon. There are now 4 with articles, 1 containing all my honors thesis stuff, and one containing a photocopy of a book I want to keep. Not too bad. Of course, the entire time in my head all I could hear was, "But you might need that article! Don't toss that one!" *le sigh*

I also tried to reorganize the bookshelves a bit, and that turned out semi-okay. I still have major problems letting go of books. You know, because I might want it later on...

Blog. Short. Too. Angry.

2011-06-08T22:26:00.004-04:00

So, when I finish my application filling for the day, I go answer questions at one of those stupid "text us anything" sites for two cents an answer. I think I have made about $1.20 in two days, but that's not the point. This person sent in "Is it unethical to buy $200 sunglasses?" We could debate this particular issue for hours, but again, not the point. The point is that this ass just asked if spending $200 on regular sunglasses (not prescription) was unethical to a person making TWO CENTS an answer! Pardon me while I scream and drive my blood pressure up.

"But I might need that later!": Ramblings of a Minor Hoarder with a Semi-Clean Closet

2011-06-07T22:52:00.005-04:00

Guess what? I cancelled my last appointment with the head shrinker, and I quit taking my meds a little over a month ago. This was less a conscious decision about my distrust of the medical and therapeutic professions (though those do exist) than a reality check about the fact that I am still unemployed and my FSU health insurance runs out in August. (Of course, I have been having the attendant weirdness that comes along with dropping things like Zoloft cold turkey; the insomnia, general discombobulation, and minor hallucinations have been the worst.) Anyway, this means that I have been dealing with my OCD symptoms all by my little lonesome (as Mema used to say), and it has not been pretty. I've had some pretty gnarly mood swings from the manic depression, and my poor brain once again feels like it's being shaken around quite a bit. However, there's not a lot I can do about this. There are, as my former therapist mentioned, low-income helpers for people like me, but I've been through that before. It is not as easy or as helpful as she thinks it is, unfortunately, and I'm sure my low SES buddies with similar probs can back me up on that one.

In any case, the last few weeks have been exceedingly stressful, and all of this has been pushed to the front of my long line of worries/concerns lately. Today's particular mental discussion panel covered my relatively low-grade hoarding (partially because of a friend's blog, which can be seen HERE). A few weeks ago, Anna and I finally tackled the closet. Now, that may sound simple, but as my faithful readers will attest, not so. The last time was nightmarish (as can be seen here, and again here, and one more time in this one), and that closet was minuscule compared to this one. Here we have a walk-in closet, and it was stuffed to the rafters with decorations, clothes, general crap, and also several large plastic tubs from when we raided the storage back home last year. We could barely get in and out to dig up clothes, and a small but noticeable mountain had begun to form in the back. Every time I opened the door, I felt the panic rising, so I knew it had to be done. However, knowing this and actually doing it are two different things. My poor Anna suffered through a two-day ordeal in which I managed to purge WAY more than either of us ever thought would be possible, but still not enough, says the responsible monkey in the back of my mind.

One of my big things is office supplies. I love pens and pencils and notebooks, and if I find them cheap, Katie bar the door. So, when we were purging, you would not believe the number of journals, notebooks, pens, pens, and did I mention pens. Clearance is a beautiful thing just after school starts in the fall, and so very many places hand out free pens. I had at least 20 of one particular free pen. No joke. But I cleared 'em out. I still have a drawer with a basket o' pens, and there's a storage bin under the bed with a good number of journal and notebooks type lovely things; but all in all, I did good. I got rid of a lot of random crap I had been hanging onto for no discernible reason, and a good (if dusty and panic-stricken) time was had by all. Friends dug through some of it like ferrets, and then a junk-buying lady from craigslist took the rest. We were both quite proud of me.

BUT, and there is always a but when my OCD is involved, I still think I could have done better. At the same time, I know that if I had gotten rid of too much more, my brain would likely have liquefied and come gushing out my ears. I did well considering my issues surrounding stuff in general, but today I sat looking at our bookshelves thinking that I intentionally avoided them. Yes, we do purge them every so often because our apartment is too small to support the book habit we have had for so long. But school enabled me to hang onto extra books--"I'll need them later." I would say, and most of the time, I would be absolutely right. I used them for papers and my thesis, and was proven absolutely right. Now that I'm effectively thrown out into the world, I can't really claim that for a chunk of them. Oh, I plan on getting into a grad school eventually (I hope) and continuing some of my research interests, so a part of them need to stay right where they are. There are others, though, that I know I will likely never use again, and if I do, it will be years and years away, making the space worth more than the money I might save by not buying it again later. Other books are simply hanging around because I love them. I won't get rid of certain things EVER, but some are peeping around double stacks of overflow and I know I will likely never read them again despite the fact that they were wonderful or entertaining. But I panic worse at getting rid of books than almost anything else in the world.

And so, you are wondering, where is she headed with this long, rambling post? I absolutely hate the hoarding part of me. She drives me nuts when she starts mumbling about "keep this. We might need it later." and "For Goddess' sake, don't throw that out!" I know I don't need fourteen of the same pen or every single cute notebook I see. In fact, since I am floating in a non-academic limbo right now, I don't even have an excuse to buy them anyway. But I still do it. I still see stuff and want to take it home when I know that a) we don't have room and b) it serves no purpose at all. As many hoarders do, I say it's collecting, and some of it is; but not nearly all of it. Another case of I know it's nuts, but I can't do a damn thing about it. I'm staring at a row of binders stuffed full of articles, and hoarder Dawn is whispering, "don't even think about it. We'll need those later."

Book Life 16: Love Letter to a Fiction

2011-05-30T17:46:00.006-04:00

Natalie: "I am [your friend], Ambrose."
Ambrose: "No, you're a black widow, wooing men to their doom with your feminine wiles."
Mr. Monk: "You wooed? With your wiles? What are you doing waving your wiles around?"
--Mr. Monk on the Road

(I reeeeaaaallllly want the snowglobe and bobblehead that USA used to sell...they are so awesome. The only thing better would be getting my books autographed or getting a signed pic of the cast *swoon*.)

For anyone who knows me or reads this blog, it should come as no surprise that I am in love with the Monk series (book and television). Mr. Monk is Cleaned Out and Mr. Monk on the Road have been glaring at me from the book shelf since the latter came out in January, but schoolwork kept me from them. I finally got to read them over the last couple of days, and as usual, I was blown away. Couldn't put them down. It's hard to discuss plots of Monk books without accidentally giving too much away, so I'll leave that alone. However, I have to applaud Goldberg's depictions of anxiety disorders once again.

I've had a couple of conversations in online OCD groups about Monk, and the reviews are somewhat mixed. Most people I've asked like the show, but there are always a few who have issues. I've never understood why those few don't like Monk. Yes, he is slightly exaggerated at some points, but for crying out loud, it's a television universe. TV always exaggerates, even if just a little. What the Monk books and show manage to do is mystifying to me. OCD is never treated as a joke in itself (like Monica in Friends); there are characters here and there who consider Monk's issues to be a joke, but that's how it is. I can tell you from plenty of experience that a good number of people think OCD is not even a real disorder, that those of us who have it are simply looking for attention or are inflating our claims. Monk is as real a fictional character as I've seen in quite a while. His disorder does not disappear when he needs to catch the bad guy; in fact, it has prevented the catching of the bad guy in several instances. He gets better and worse depending on stress and situation, and that's definitely true. Almost better than the realistic OCD is the fact that he is not a saint. Television sometimes likes to paint those of us with mental disorders as innocent victims of circumstance who should have halos. Well, victims we may be on occasion, but innocent with halos? Definitely not. Monk has figurative warts (literal ones would obviously have to be removed immediately), and the show does not hesitate to show that he is not perfect or a saint. He's just a guy who happens to have OCD, albeit a much more severe case than many, and he's brilliant. I'm woman enough to admit that I miss him between books now that the series is over.

Book Life 15: Deep South Musings

2011-05-20T13:19:00.004-04:00

I can always tell when I am the most homesick. The radio stays tuned to country, and my reading list tends to be filled with books somehow attached to Alabama or the South in general. Case in point: Confederates in the Attic and The Devil Amongst the Lawyers.

Confederates in the Attic: Dispatches from the Unfinished Civil War by Tony Horwitz

Despite my upbringing in the Heart of Dixie, I have never been a Civil War buff. In fact, I tend to ignore it as much as possible for sheer annoyance factor. Once you've listened to your paranoid, racist stepfather discuss the technicalities of Pickett's Charge or why the CSA should never have lost this or that battle ad nauseam, you start to hate the topic. That being said, I've always been fascinated by the obsession with the War Between the States, or "War of Northern Aggression" depending on who it is you're talking with, and the people who are basically knee-deep in it 24-7. Horwitz was as well, and wrote this fabulous book. My first concern when I pick up any book about the South is how the author is treating it, especially if they themselves are not from the South. I shouldn't have worried about this one. Horwitz does the near impossible in that he manages to give a fair view of some of our, shall we say, less-enlightened citizens while describing the rest of us and our home as it is. I don't mean that he's whitewashed over our failings; no, he includes those. However, he also does not sweep in as the city intellectual and talk about the areas he's visiting as Deliverance II. Even if you hate the Civil War, this is worth the read.

The Devil Amongst the Lawyers by Sharyn McCrumb

"There is no more vicious bigot than a city intellectual contemplating someone to whom he feels intellectually or morally superior."

This is the latest of McCrumb's amazing Ballad Novels, set in the Appalachians of Tennesee and the surrounding areas of Virginia and the Carolinas. If you've never read anything of hers, stop reading this right now and go order everything in the Ballad series first, then everything else. Not only are they excellent mysteries, they are addictive as hell. This is the first book I've read in a long while that I could not make myself put down. I read the entire thing (minus the first 50 pages whoch I read before falling asleep sitting up last night) this morning...admittedly not an unusual occurrence for me, but still. McCrumb, like my favorite sci-fi author Octavia E. Butler with feminist problems, manages to work complex issues of poverty and rural life into the narrative without getting preachy or heavy handed. I honestly cannot say enough wonderful things about these novels.

Anyone who knows me (or hell, anyone who's paid attention to this blog) knows that the misrepresentation of the South, particularly the mountain and rural South, is one of my pet projects. Women's Studies failed me on these points, and I abandoned it as a graduate pursuit partially because I could not stand the thought of ramming the topic into conversation for the next 30 or 40 years. More importantly, I had conflicts over this very issue on at least a weekly basis in classes across my particular academic spectrum. (See this blog for the last one of the spring semester.) I honestly don't know what this means for my future in academia. Maybe it's just particularly bad down here in Florida, who knows...All I do know is that I am relieved and overjoyed to find books that don't paint all of us as slack-jawed morons.

Status Updates: A (Very) Short Discussion of Bullying

2011-05-17T15:11:00.004-04:00

A 15-year-old girl holds her one-year-old son. People call her a slut. No one knows she was raped at 13. People call a girl fat. No one knows she has a serious disease which causes her to be overweight. People call an old man ugly. No one knows he had a serious injury to his face while fighting for our country during the war. Repost this if you are against bullying and stereotyping.

I've seen the above posted all over Facebook at various times, and I must say I am 100% behind the sentiment. But can we talk about the silent implications of this? The way it is written makes it seem as though it would be perfectly fine to insult these people if the 15-year-old had actually been sleeping around, the girl had an unfortunate attachment to McDonald's fries, or the old man was simply not attractive by current social standards. While I do not mean that solutions to rising teen pregnancy, obesity, etc should not be addressed, it needs to be understood that bullying does not need to be tolerated in any circumstance, whether the social norm deems it "deserved" or not. I don't care why the teenager is pregnant, the girl is larger than people think is okay, or the old man is less attractive than some think he should be--No One Should Be Bullied. Period.

Dispatches from a Refugee in the Land of Privilege, Episode 3: Note to Self, Must Buy Hat

2011-05-16T21:53:00.005-04:00

There is something about poverty that smells like death.
--Zora Neale Hurston

For those who know me, it will come as no surprise for me to say that I am broke(n) in many ways , financially being the most salient one of them here. While I do blame certain outside factors on this situation, I want to make it clear (before some irate person jumps all over me) that I do understand that my poor economic skills contribute to the problem. However bad they may be, though, they are not the only cause. Anyway, this blog is being brought to you by a bougey woman at my landlord's office and an article on yahoo...

"My wallet's too small for my fifties, and my diamond shoes are too tight!"
--Chandler Bing

I went in today to pay the rent, which yes, was late, but I called them 2 weeks ago and arranged this. While I was waiting, I wrote out the money order and overheard the receptionist's conversation with another tenant. She was digging in her expensive purse going on and on about her upcoming expensive vacation and the new car they just bought and etc etc etc. Normally, this would be nothing important...everyone here seems to be more affluent than we are, and I am quite used to hearing these sorts of conversations. The problem started when I got to the counter and was talking to her myself. I apologized for being late again and commented that next month's ought to be on time for once (*insert embarrassed laugh*). She decided that was an excellent segway to complaining about how damn hard it is to work where you have to call (poor) people all day to get them to pay their rent. "It really takes it out of you," she said. Now, I'm sure that calling around to ensure payment of rent is one of the least pleasurable portions of her job. I dont' dispute this; it sucks. BUT the fact of the matter is that it is no easier being the person who has to call every other month and beg a few extra days on the rent. Lately, I've begun to feel like I should carry an old fedora in my purse to twist in my hands at appropriate moments. I can assure you, ma'am, as one of those people you have to call sometimes, that our part sucks worse than yours ever will. Here's why: while your job is uncomfortable, it is simply what you are paid to do. Our lot, on the other hand, is to be the perpetually impoverished, begging for understanding from those with more money and power than ourselves. Also, given your tone and demeanor when discussing the topic, you are obviously not among our number, making your little whine-fest the ridiculous ramblings of the privileged. (I do realize that as a receptionist in a real estate office, she is not exactly pulling in six figures here, but can we agree that she is comfortable and no where near the level of most of the people she is complaining about?) I wanted to reach across the counter, grab her by her lapels, and explain loudly and clearly that HELLO, we do not enjoy being poor and late with the rent (or anything else). I'm sure there is some ass out there who has to get an extension on bills because they spend too much partying or some such nonsense...but most of us are simply trying to make it on what we have and do not need your bullshit to make us feel worse about it.

Poverty must not be a bar to learning and learning must offer an escape from poverty.
--Lyndon Johnson

On to the Yahoo article: Apparently a significant portion of college presidents are of the opinion that higher education is so affordable that most students could pay for it themselves (sans loans and grants). Excuse me, but WHAT? Just as an example, let us look at my recent foray into academia. For the first couple of years back, I was paying out of state tuition (because someone in an office was misinformed...) which means I was charged approximately $2000 per class, bringing my total to over $8000 before textbooks and supplies. After the mistake with my residency was cleared up, classes dropped to a little less than $500 each, plus books, etc. I understand that there are people who were raised in families which apparently have this sort of money lying about for just such an occasion, but I am not one of them. The term "college fund" was one of those phrases I associated only with sitcom families (literally), and it was understood that if I was to earn a degree, it would be on scholarships, grants, and federal loans. Otherwise, no college. And while I rant about the privilege that constantly smacks me in the face here, it is not lost on me that I am not alone in my loan-dependence. If the federal loan/grant program was suddenly to be taken away, no one below a certain tax bracket would ever be able to attend college. It's already rare enough for people who grew up similar to myself and others like me to earn a degree without boot stomping our last chances into the pavement.

Poverty is no disgrace to a man, but it is confoundedly inconvenient.
--Sydney Smith

This blog is unusually scattered for me, but I simply have no idea right now what to do with this information. Does this mean that people of my particular socioeconomic class and lower should simply forget college all together? What then? There aren't enough jobs that don't require degrees to go around if you hadn't noticed. And what about the attitudes of those more privileged than us? Are we really, in the 21st century, still in this feudal mindset of the poor being ridiculously inferior and distasteful to deal with?

Book Life 14: Deeply Wonkified, A Trip Into Chuck Klosterman's Brain

2011-05-06T23:49:00.005-04:00

Eating the Dinosaur by Chuck Klosterman

I picked this book up originally because I had read a short piece of Klosterman's on the internet somewhere and thought he was fairly amusing. I found him funny enough in this book to laugh a good bit, but I did have my issues. He's primarily a pop culture/music critic, and we differ greatly on some points. For instance, he doesn't seem to like The Big Bang Theory or How I Met Your Mother very much, calling their "credibility" into question, but immediately after that he calls The Simpsons "high-end" comedy. Don't get me wrong; I make no arguments that BBT or HIMYM are high-brow, and I sort of like the Simpsons, more several years ago than now. ( I remember watching the first pieces of it on the Tracey Ullman Show and then its very first episodes back when they originally came on and liking them.) But I mean, really? High-end comedy? Doubtful.

I only skimmed the football essay, because well, it got a bit technical. While I love to learn about a wide variety of things, specific plays and strategies in football are not among them. (Even he acknowledges that this will likely happen) That said, I LOVED his discussion of time travel. Even though it is one of my pet loves, I am not so ridiculously blind that I can't see the paradoxes and holes in it, and he does a pretty great job talking about them. I did enjoy the way he structured the essays, and the pieces on David Koresh and the Unabomber were really interesting. (What can I say? I'm a sucker for cult leaders and misanthropes.) Oh, and did you know that Werner Herzog made a "1976 Bavarian glass-blowing epic [called] Heart of Glass"? A glass-blowing epic? Who knew?

It isn't that this was a bad read, and I may pick up one of his other books in the future. However, it will likely only be if I find it at a used bookstore at which I have credit.

These Phrases You Keep Using, I Do Not Think They Mean What You Think They Mean: In Which I Will Likely Alienate Half of My Acquaintances

2011-05-02T18:12:00.009-04:00

Mother of Love and Compassion, bestow your wisdom upon me. Help me see humanity through your eyes. Help me master the love and compassion that you hold near your heart of Gold. Help me shine like a beacon in the night and see my reflection in your tear of love.Quan Yin, I thank you for your tireless love and your patience and hope for humanity.

As the entire world is likely aware by now, the U.S. claims to have killed Osama bin Laden, the boogeyman for whom the entire mess in Afghanistan, etc. was started. As soon as the news broke, people here were dancing and celebrating in the streets outside the White House, and Facebook blew up with status update after status update proclaiming the wonder of his death and the prowess of the American military. All I could do was stare at the screen in disbelief and horror, not because I am supporting terrorism or any such thing but because I was watching little pieces of humanity shrivel and die in the pixels. I'm already quite unpopular for saying similar things on Facebook and in this blog (now and in times past), and it is probably about to get worse. If you read this or any of my comments on the subject and feel that I am no longer worthy to be your friend, that's sad, but if you're reading this, you also likely already know me and know that I am not one to hold my tongue. As I have gotten older, I have also learned not to apologize for expressing myself, so no, I'm not sorry if any of this offends you.

First let me say that I do not blame the women and men who are daily being carted in and out of war zones for this "cause". For the most part, they are just people trying to work and take care of their families; their jobs simply happen to be much more dangerous and morally complicated than any of mine have been. I wish every single person who has been sent to the Middle East could come home safe and sound right now, or even better, that they had never been sent in the first place. What this also means is that I think we never should have gone at all. Call me a conspiracy theorist if you'd like, but...well, that would be an entirely different post. Suffice it to say that I find the entire endeavor ridiculous.

But this is not a post about the military or war or the government. There are plenty of political blogs out there who are doing and have done much better jobs of those topics than I could. No, this post is about the aftermath of the proclaimed death of bin Laden. I was snapped at (or as much as that is possible in normal sized type of Facebook) repeatedly for what have been variously called pacifist and anti-American views, depending on the respondent. If the death of bin Laden meant a swift and immediate end to all this crap, I might be able to understand the rejoicing; I would still not agree with it, but at least I could see the reasoning. As it is, all that's happened is one man has been killed; arguably he can be called a figure head, making it a death significant in terms of morale if nothing else. However, regardless of who this person was or what they may have done, it is no excuse for ignoring common human compassion. At some point in his life, there was a moment, or many moments, that twisted the mind of this man so that he became what he did. Instead of celebrating his destruction, the truly human thing to do would be to recognize the loss of what could potentially have been a beautiful and wonderful person. Lack of opportunity and positive, compassionate support in his life created the angry individual over whose death so many of my friends have been quick to party.

For years now, the extremely zealous "patriots" have cited the celebrations in our "enemy" countries at the 9/11 attacks as reason enough to be outraged and hate them. People claimed to be shocked and appalled at this blatant lack of respect for human life, but then lookie here, these same people are hooting and hollering in the streets at bin Laden's death. Just because he is perceived as evil does NOT make it the moral high ground to applaud his death.

When we’ve seen video footage of foreigners cheering terrorist attacks against America, we have ignored their insistence that they are celebrating merely because we have occupied their nations and killed their people. . . Indeed, an America that once carefully refrained from flaunting gruesome pictures of our victims for fear of engaging in ugly death euphoria now ogles pictures of Uday and Qusay’s corpses, rejoices over images of Saddam Hussein’s hanging and throws a party at news that bin Laden was shot in the head. This is bin Laden’s lamentable victory: He has changed America’s psyche from one that saw violence as a regrettable-if-sometimes-necessary act into one that finds orgasmic euphoria in news of bloodshed. In other words, he’s helped drag us down into his sick nihilism by making us like too many other bellicose societies in history -- the ones that aggressively cheer on killing, as long as it is the Bad Guy that is being killed. --David Sirota on Salon.com

I may very well be nearly alone on this, but I will never celebrate the death of anyone. If that person happened to be less than wonderful while alive, I can only offer up prayers to the Goddess that in his/her next life he/she will have less desire to cause pain and will make the world a better place for having existed. By rejoicing in the death of anyone, despite whatever violent or evil acts they may have committed, we are simply perpetuating the evil and becoming as bad if not worse than them.

"Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that." - Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Panic and Doom/Book Life 13: In Which the Recent Graduate Comes to Terms with Said Graduation and Buries Her Panic in Books

2011-05-01T17:24:00.007-04:00

Well, here we are: the very first post-graduation blog post. As of about 10 pm Friday the 29th, I became an alumna of Florida State with a BA in Religion, minor in Women's Studies; a BA with honors in Women's Studies, minor in Religion; and a BA in Creative Writing, minor in Latin. Since then, I have had about 3 panic attacks and at least one minor breakdown. Yes, I'm happy and proud of myself; after all, this is something I've been looking forward to for quite some time now. The entire seven years I was out of school, all I could think of was getting back in and finishing what I started, and I finally did--three times over. But now, without homework and classes, I am utterly lost. When I graduated high school, I knew I was headed off to college, so everything was cool. Now, I have no plan. With the Religion department rejecting me yet again, I have been left to wander about in my own ruminations, and as anyone who knows me well will tell you, my ruminations are no place to wander aimlessly.

Thus, I have spent the last week or so since the official "hell no" from the department showed up in my mailbox going over and over my choices. First of all, I HAVE to get a job, which is much easier said than done in this town, open availability or not. Anna needs a break, and we need to pay bills. Second, I have to figure out what happens next. There is a short list of schools that I would love to attend for my MA/PhD, and there's also Teach for America, which embodies many of my most deeply held ideals about changing the world. Of course, any of those choices hinge on my acceptance to said program, none of which are simple to get into, and who wants to give me enough of a financial package. Right now, though, I just need a paycheck.

Okay, enough of my panicked existential angst about the future...since I am no longer writing papers and studying for tests, I once again have time to read whatever the hell I want for the first time in ages. :-)

Pastwatch: The Redemption of Christopher Columbus by Orson Scott Card

"Who cares if a mathematician calls us dirty names like 'unreal'? They say such slanders about the square root of minus two as well."--Diko, in Pastwatch

I first read this book several years ago and fell in love with it. Normally, I am not that much of an Orson Scott Card fan--not that he isn't great, but just not one of my favorites. This particular book, however, is neither part of any of his series nor like any of his other writings as far as I can tell. Written from a far future vantage point, the human race has just been through a century of warfare, famine, and other horrors and is now living in a time of peace and plenty. They've developed what is called Pastwatch, which has built machines capable of looking at the past. As it progresses, they figure out that they are actually capable of changing the past as well, and one scholar discovers that Christopher Columbus may very well be the point at which all future conquest and evil began. I won't go on, because, you know, spoilers, but rest assured it is worth the read. Even if sci-fi isn't usually your thing, Pastwatch should be on your to-read list, if for no other reason than Card has discovered the most seamless way of working historical research into fiction than I've seen in a long time.

Dispatches from a Refugee in the Land of Privilege, Episode 2: Drugs, Welfare, and Other Unrelated Issues

2011-04-27T20:42:00.006-04:00

Florida House Passes Welfare Drug Testing Requirement

An acquaintance posted this article on facebook with the comment "NICE!" I was immediately enraged, as I still am. This was, of course, backed by the GOP, and opponents cited a similar case in Michigan in which this sort of bill was struck down. I can only pray that the same happens here.

Let's take this apart piece by piece: the welfare applicant would be forced not only to take the drug test but to PAY FOR IT themselves! They claim that the people would be reimbursed, but can we discuss how ridiculous the entire thing is? If you are applying for welfare, disposable income is not really a known universe to you. Therefore, you would not be able to take the test and, as a consequence, to receive assistance. So what we have here is a situation in which the poorest are being doubly punished for being that poor. Yeah, I'm pretty sure this is NOT what the welfare program is meant to do.

While I don't think my family was ever on welfare, we did receive food stamps on a number of occasions. If this regulation had been in place them, I know that if my mother had applied, we likely would not have had the cash for her to take the test. She wasn't on drugs, but without the test, no welfare. So she and her family (including 2 kids) would have suffered.

The more you can increase fear of drugs and crime, welfare mothers, immigrants and aliens, the more you control all the people.
-Avram Noam Chomsky

What this is is yet another example of the over-privileged dictating what happens to the least privileged of all. How is this okay? On what level is this supposed to be right? And there are a lot of people in this misbegotten state who likely support this travesty in the name of "protecting the interests of the taxpayers." What this translates to in normal language is: "further lining the pockets of the already rich by preventing the poor from having anything." WAKE UP! Defending this bill with the "there are drug users abusing the welfare system"card is the exact same as "I won't help the homeless because there are those who want to be where they are" (for my rant on that topic, see this blog post). You are not protecting anything except those who do not need protecting.

Fixing Samantha: Beauty, Imperfection, and Cowardice

2011-04-15T09:05:00.007-04:00

Seven-year-old Samantha Shaw of South Dakota recently underwent cosmetic surgery to "fix" her ears, which stuck out a bit and one had a small fold. Her mother claims it was to prevent future bullying. There had apparently been comments made in front of the girl by kids and adults about her ears, and her mother decided it would be a good idea to alter the "problem." As cosmetic surgery is rather expensive, the Little Baby Face Foundation covered the cost, and the doctor who performed the surgery was quoted as saying Samantha's surgery was not cosmetic but necessary. (If you go to Little Baby Face, the "deformities" they usually cover are listed, things like cleft palettes, for instance. Not usually ears that stick out.)

Am I the only one who sees a serious problem with all this? Her mother has, by doing this, stated unequivocally to her child that anytime the outside world finds fault with her, she should alter herself in any way possible to "fix" it. This sort of belief system is the basis of eating disorders and women who stay in abusive relationships. The problem is not the girl or her ears. The problem is the bullies.

Why is it that we are so ready to alter the world to suit those who are in the wrong? Samantha Shaw should not be made to feel that she is somehow defective because others find her imperfect. The defect lies in the bullies and ignorance of the people who made her feel this way. Instead of seeking out the surgery, maybe her mother should simply have stood up for her daughter when these comments were made instead of taking the coward's way out. Catering to the ignorant will only make it easier for them to operate. She should have taken the opportunity to teach her that no one is perfect, but everyone is beautiful in some way--even the bullies.

I'm Pissed, Y'all: A Short Exposition on Ignorance

2011-04-14T18:10:00.002-04:00

While waiting on my 19th British novel class today, a few classmates and I were discussing people with poor grammar--the ones with no idea what the difference is between it's and its, your and you're, etc. Another classmate decided to put her two cents in but in an entirely different vein. She began a short rant on her "hickey" boyfriend and his y'all's and yonder's. I proceeded to explain to her that those words and many others are actually descended from Old English, Irish, and Scottish dialects, the literature of which is taught in our department as classic. I also told her that "y'all" is basically the only elegant and efficient way to denote a plural you in English and that she was offensive. She looked shocked, and I walked off. After class, she came up to me and said, "I didn't mean to offend you." I responded, "Then you shouldn't have said it."

First, that isn't an apology. An apology would have been: "I'm sorry I offended you." "I didn't mean to offend" means you actually did mean what you said, but you're incredibly sorry you were overheard. So, just no...Second, when are people going to learn that country and ignorant are two entirely separate things. I am quite country most of the time, but I simply know how to write and speak in a more academic manner. My accent never really disappears, and I wouldn't want it to. But I am sick and tired of my extended i's and odd word choice calling my intelligence into question. For the record, there are just as many ignorant people from northern cities as from the rural south.

Gone Up Home: A Displaced Hillbilly Girl Ruminates on St. Patrick's Day

2011-03-17T19:28:00.004-04:00

Unfortunately, I attend the former number one party school in the nation. I think we've slipped a few places since then, but the point is alcohol is a primary concern for the majority of the population here. So, as you can guess, St. Patrick's Day is insane in this town. Bars open at 6 am and sell green beer for very little. Half the student population is wandering around with bar wristbands, half-sloshed. I, on the other hand, could care less. If I do have Irish blood, it's so little and so diluted that I don't think it even counts anymore. Half the time, I don't even think about wearing green. So why am I blogging?

The first people to settle the Appalachian mountains from Virginia all the way down into Alabama were from Ireland, England, and Scotland. They were drawn there because it reminded them of the mountains back home. My grandmother's family is from the rural hills of north central Alabama, and I know from experience that certain tales, songs, traditions, and linguistic elements survived from their homelands in modern speech and traditions. Case in point, my great aunt Lainie used to sing me a song called "Fair and Tender Ladies," which as it turns out is a traditional Irish and English ballad as well as a traditional Appalachian tune. So I made my very first video with a version of this song and pictures taken back home in honor of Aunt Lainie...and St. Patrick's Day. The song is taken from a locally made CD named Off the Porch Strong with several Alabama musicians; "Fair and Tender Ladies" on this album is sung by Amanda Smothers. Enjoy!

Dispatches from a Refugee in the Land of Privilege, Episode 1: Homelessness Isn''t My Problem

2011-03-02T12:06:00.004-05:00

For article/essay technique class yesterday we read Barabara Kingsolver's "Household Words" (found in her essay collection Small Wonders), and I spent most of the class shocked and horrified. If you haven't read it, Kingsolver uses an incident she witnessed while in traffic (an apparently homeless man beating on an apparently homeless woman) and which she did nothing about to discuss homelessness in the United States and Americans' complicity in it. It's an excellent essay, of course; everything Kingsolver writes is amazing. She goes through all the American "fuzzy-blanket myths" related to homelessness, such as "anyone who works hard can make it in the US" and "most homeless people want to be that way." Statements like these seem obviously ridiculous to me, but the people in my class apparently disagree. They proceeded to give every one of the reasons she was arguing against as valid and reasonable.

Can we talk about apathy for just a minute? They pasted the "poverty is more complicated than just handing a dollar to a guy. it's way too big for me to fix it." argument over their lack of give-a-damn and expect that to cover it. I call shenanigans. No one ever said that one person can or should be able to fix poverty and homelessness single-handedly. I wish that was possible, but it's just not. However, it is possible to help one person at a time, thereby making the world just a little bit brighter in the process.

But this post isn't about my belief in positive energy and its ability to change the world. It's about privilege. When I spoke up and said, "Well, I've been so close to their position that regardless of what they eventually use the money for, I will always give them money if I have it. If for no other reason than I would hope that if it was me with the cardboard sign on the side of the road, someone would help me." They not only basically said that there was no way I had ever been close to homeless (because they themselves had never been) but also then spent the next ten minutes recounting tales of homeless people who refused to be helped, etc. I'm not sure where this line of thought is going except that I didn't think people actually thought this way. Where I was raised, people generally didn't think this way, and I don't know how to take this.

Speaking De-Motivationally: Poverty and Random Disorders Take Their Toll

2011-02-25T20:35:00.003-05:00

I tell people I'm medicated--for my safety and theirs: 100 mg of sertraline (which is just the generic form of Zoloft). While I absolutely hate medications and have my issues with the traditional medical and psychological professions, it actually helps. On my meds, my brain no longer feels as though it's being shaken all the time, and I can usually find the wherewithal to do things that need to be done. However, when other disorders are added into the equation....

I have some odd thing, related to narcolepsy though not the same, that means while my body is awake, my brain has not yet gotten the total message. Therefore, I am always tired. Always. No matter what I do or how much sleep I manage to get, I feel as though I just got off a 12 hour shift unloading trucks or something (which I have done before, so I know whereof I speak). Luckily, there is a medicinal fix to this problem. It's called Provigil and is in the same family as but is not actually a methamphetamine--non-addcitive, even. And it works. However, even with decent prescription coverage (decent meaning my other meds--all generic--are less than five dollars), my co-pay for it is forty dollars a month. Compared to many other people's prescription costs, this is insanely cheap, and in that sense, I am thankful for the coverage I have. But we simply can't afford it right now. What this means is that though my brain in one way says, "Hey! That needs straightening/cleaning/whatever! Let's do it!" The rest then says, "*Yawn* Nap first, clean later." I have no motivation to do anything whatsoever. Therefore things are not as clean as I would normally have them, and that in turn makes my brain feel all shakey, regardless of the 100 mg of Zoloft.

In fact, we have friends coming over tomorrow afternoon, so I have to straighten and clean. I know this, but what have I done? I took a two and a half hour nap, after which I was supposed to go ahead and finish Latin homework and find an article for a paper I have to write this weekend. Didn't happen. Nap, sandwich, and now this blog. And I am still tired. I will still be tired in the morning after 7 or 8 hours of sleep. I will be tired the next morning no matter how much sleep I get.

I'm Having an Affair with an Adverb: Waxing Poetic, the First

2011-02-24T21:31:00.005-05:00

It's no secret that I love poetry; I've written it (and everything else I can manage) for as long as I can remember. Being in poetry workshops has only made this love an obsession. Everything I think tries to come out in lines, in fact. Anyway, the point is that I tend to fall desperately in love with words and poems and lines and, well, I get somewhat carried away at times. The following is one poem I've become engrossed in. The bolded lines I'm in love with...

* * * * * * * *

Monet Refuses the Operation by Lisel Mueller

Doctor, you say that there are no haloes
around the streetlights in Paris
and what I see is an aberration
caused by old age, an affliction.
I tell you it has taken me all my life
to arrive at the vision of gas lamps as angels,
to soften and blur and finally banish
the edges you regret I don't see,
to learn that the line I called the horizon
does not exist and sky and water,
so long apart, are the same state of being.
Fifty-four years before I could see
Rouen cathedral is built
of parallel shafts of sun,
and now you want to restore
my youthful errors: fixed
notions of top and bottom,
the illusion of three-dimensional space,
wisteria separate
from the bridge it covers.
What can I say to convince you
the Houses of Parliament dissolve
night after night to become
the fluid dream of the Thames?
I will not return to a universe
of objects that don't know each other,
as if islands were not the lost children
of one great continent. The world
is flux, and light becomes what it touches,
becomes water, lilies on water,
above and below water,
becomes lilac and mauve and yellow
and white and cerulean lamps,
small fists passing sunlight
so quickly to one another
that it would take long, streaming hair
inside my brush to catch it.
To paint the speed of light!
Our weighted shapes, these verticals,
burn to mix with air
and changes our bones, skin, clothes
to gases. Doctor,
if only you could see
how heaven pulls earth into its arms
and how infinitely the heart expands
to claim this world, blue vapor without end.

Ode to Roseanne

2011-02-07T20:01:00.002-05:00

Let's be honest here: I am a Netflix addict. I love being able to pull up random movies and tv shows whenever I want. I've seen awesome documentaries and a ton of movies from my childhood that I had completely forgotten about. Tonight I was super excited to discover that they have all the seasons of Roseanne on instant watch. So of course, I started with episode 1, procrastinating my ass off in the worst way. I had forgotten just how much I love this show!

When I was younger, I loved all the family sitcoms, but I particularly loved Roseanne. While I was jealous as hell of the Huxtables and all those other families, I turned on Roseanne because it was the one family in which I could see myself reflected. Even though some of the other sitcom families weren't exactly perfect; Danny Tanner was a widower whose friends had to step in and help raise the kids, for instance. But all of the rest of them never seemed to have any financial issues. I don't remember one single episode where the Tanners or the Owens were worried about groceries or the bills. For me, that was certainly far from reality. Even when I lived with Mema, who owned her house and car, we were living on a Social Security budget, and she ruled the bank with an iron fist forged in Great Depression. (Too bad I never picked that lesson up, right?) From my perspective, the Connors were the only normal family on tv.

I don't think there's really a point to this except to say that I'm thankful for Roseanne. She made me feel like less of an oddball among the DJ Tanners and Vanessa Huxtables of prime time.

Lucretia: Behind the Myth

2011-01-23T16:25:00.003-05:00

Anyone who knows me well, knows I hate the story of Lucretia from Roman history. I had to read it for Women's Studies and in all 3 semesters of Latin so far, and I. Hate. It. It should NOT end with her committing suicide. She should have taken someone's sword and gone Xena on Sextus Tarquinius herself. There shouldn't have been anything left to banish. Had she been put to death for that act, I could stomach her fall, but the suicide to prevent shame? Please....

Anyway, I had to "interview" a mythological or historical figure for my article/essay class this weekend, and the following is what happened. It may not be the best thing I've ever come up with, but it also had to be 500 words, which I went over by 43...so, cut me a bit of slack...

Lucretia: Behind the Myth

Lucretia: a name, that for students of Women’s Studies and the Classics, brings up many emotions. For some, it is pity for her tragic end; for others, anger, at the way she was used in Roman literature. In either case, it is clear that Lucretia has a lasting place in academia and in history, but how much of the truth are we really getting from Livy? Hopefully, we will discover the answer today, as I had the fortune of interviewing Lucretia herself on the events that made her famous and the legacy they created.

D: For those unfamiliar with your story, would you mind giving a brief summary?

L: Not at all. Collatinus, my husband, was away at the siege of Ardea, and apparently they found time to have a party in the royal barracks. He and his cousins began boasting about how virtuous their wives were, and (egged on by too much wine, I’m sure) decided to test us. So they rode to Rome where all the royal daughters-in-law were at a banquet, quite enjoying themselves while the husbands were away on the battlefield. Hoping to find me in a similar situation, they rode to Collatia. Much to my husband’s delight (and his cousins’ dismay), they found me sitting with my maidservants wool-working. This pissed Sextus, the king’s son, off, and after all had returned to battle, he came to my house. As he is related, he was granted entry, and breaking into my bedchamber, he raped me. Long story short, the Tarquins were expelled, ending the kingship, and the Republic began.

D: Now, Livy states that you called Collatinus and your father the next day, and after you told them what happened, you committed suicide. There is some question of whether this is actually what happened. Some say your father killed you because of the shame. What really happened?

L: (sighs) That is the main reason I agreed to this interview. I am tired of being used as the poster girl for “Roman womanhood.” Yes, Sextus raped me. Yes, I told my husband and father who vowed to avenge me. Yes, it caused the downfall of the kingship and the beginning of the Republic. But, no, I was not killed by either my hand or the hand of my father.

D: But Livy?

L: Livy was a historian, but he liked to embellish a bit. Particularly in my case. Why should I have committed suicide? I had done nothing wrong! Sextus was a vile pig of a man who forced me at sword-point. Yes, I felt betrayed and violated, but I was mostly angry. How dare this man, kin of my husband, abuse his relationship so, and all because his own wife was being silly and frivolous at a banquet!

D: So, all this time, Women’s Studies students have been getting incensed for no reason?

L: Well, no…I mean, yes, but for the wrong reasons. The anger was at my feeling that I needed to kill myself to avoid the shame of being a “sullied woman,” when really it should have been at the establishment that felt it necessary to write the story that way. And from what I gather from your media, it hasn’t changed much…

Book Life 12: Geeky Revisited, Awe, and We Was Po': Another Voice

2010-12-15T23:15:00.004-05:00

Once again, it's that magical time of year--those few weeks when, even though one semester has ended and another has yet to begin, there is wonder in the air. What? No, not the holiday season. I mean that small span of time in which there is no homework and I can read whatever I want! I've already gone through 7 books with way too many more waiting in line. Hence, time for another book life blog!

"Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so." -Douglas Adams

Even though I've read them before (many times before, as a matter of fact), the five books comprising the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy trilogy never fail to amaze me. (And yes, for those of you unfortunate enough not to have read these novels, I did say five books and trilogy.) Funny as hell and just plain well-written. If you've never read them, please do. You will thank me later, and remember "Deep in the fundamental heart of mind and Universe, "said Slartibartfast, "there is a reason."

Just plain beautiful.

I have never met a Sherman Alexie book I did not love and whose children I did not want to bear. War Dances is no different. Gorgeous poetry and awesome stories. That is all.

Down Home Economics

The last book in this post is Deer Hunting with Jesus: Dispatches from America's Class War. Essentially the author, Joe Bageant, moves back home to his small Virginia hometown after about 20 or so years and explores the lower working class culture in which he grew up. While I wasn't thrilled with the underlying tone he took when talking about his brethren at a few points, it was overall a really good discussion of issues not usually covered. The rural poor are generally ignored in favor of highlighting the urban poor. This is not to say that either is more important or poor than the other; both situations have their own peculiar obstacles to overcome. It's just that in academic and political discussions of poverty, the plight of the rural poor is generally overlooked or assumed to be covered under the umbrella of "poverty" which is really just urban. I'm not entirely sure that I agree with some of his views about gun control and a few minor details, but as a whole, this is an excellent book--particularly for those of us from this sort of background lost on planets not of our making. For my fellow religion geeks, he does a fairly good job of incorporating fundamentalism into his observations. And the chapter on the Social Security system, healthcare, and the poor elderly is amazing.

"He would say that my soul is troubling me and that I need to be washed in the blood and redeemed by the grace of him who bled for our sins. I'd say that I am troubled by the distinct impression of approaching trihorned fascism--part Christian, part military, part corporate."--J. Bageant

D-i-v-o-r-c-e, In which a lesbian goes ahead and flips her shit , just a little

2010-12-08T12:38:00.001-05:00

While scrolling through the Huffington Post this morning, I came across an article entitled something like "10 Funniest Divorce Party Cakes.". I must admit I was rather amused at the cakes themselves, but that is not the point. Here's the issue: I have been with my wife for 13 years now, and it's been 12 years since our committment ceremony. Despite the efforts of fabulous activists and organizations, we still do not have the right to be legally married in a vast majority of these united states. The main excuse used by our opponents? "Gay marriage would violate the sanctity of marriage." So someone explain to me how the straight divorce rate and the apparently new and popular pasttime of throwing parties to celebrate it doesn't violate this so-called sanctity? My wife luckily works for one company that recognizes me as spouse, and so I get vision and dental coverage through it. This, however, does not help out any if we were to find ourselves in certain dire situations. Certain portions of my family would attempt to make life miserable for Anna if they thought they could. Legal marriage rights would fix this...

And somewhere in this country, a divorce party is being planned...

We Was Po', Part III: Choices and Possibilities

2010-11-20T21:37:00.003-05:00

I've written about privilege and dealing with it in academia before, so I will try not to repeat myself. This past week I've had a sort of panicky time of uncertainty about my future in the academic world. While discussing Annie Dillard in religion class Thursday, we had a short conversation about her background and how this affects her writing. She was raised in a wealthy family, and my argument was that given this, her choice of a life of pure introspection and writing was possible. People who are raised in low income environments are less likely to assume that such a life is a career choice. Now, this isn't to say that it isn't possible, just that it is not necessarily seen as a choice. The rest of the class did not agree. It was at this moment that I had my crisis point.

How can I reconcile my background and beliefs with a life among people who truly believe that a low SES background doesn't generally cause exclusions from the beginning or that a privileged background doesn't mean more possibilities than low SES? This is the very reason I decided against a graduate career in women's studies. I was constantly interjecting a low SES rural perspective into conversations mostly to no avail. I couldn't stomach the thought of spending the rest of my life beating my head against that wall. Now, true to my fears, I am facing the same issue in religion.

The major problem is what to do about it. I love, I mean absolutely love, the idea of making a living studying religion, writing about it, and teaching people about it. That, to me, sounds like a good time. However, if I continue along this path, will it mean an eventual nervous breakdown when my brain has to repeatedly bash against these issues of privilege? If so, what else can I do? I don't want to do social work, because I fear ending up in some tangentially governmental office being forced to perpetuate a cycle I would rather destroy. Yes, I know there are plenty of other job possibilities within social work, but still...I thought about library science. I do so love books, and I could maybe work in a public library helping kids love to read. I could be a public school teacher, but it's a bit late in my undergraduate career to start that.

We was po', part ii: in which a low SES girl discusses salary...

2010-08-12T14:28:00.005-04:00

A friend and fellow religion major posted this chart on his facebook feed today...As Religious Studies people we come in at 12th worst paid, and one of my other loves, Women's Studies (listed as Interdisciplinary Studies), comes in at 15th. His comment was that we don't do it for the money, and that's true. No one becomes a religion scholar hoping to make the big bucks. It just doesn't happen, and if you are someone who thought this, you've been lied to, my friend. So, I agree with him, BUT (you knew that was coming, right?) I have a serious issue with the entire thing...

The starting pay for Religious Studies was listed as $34,700. For someone raised in an upper middle to upper class home, this may seem a paltry amount. However, as someone raised in a lower SES home and an economically depressed area and who spent seven years in an even more economically depressed rural area, I'm here to tell you, $34,700 sounds like a fortune. That is, in fact, almost exactly three times what I made at my retail and hospitality jobs in the aforementioned rural area. As my lovely wife pointed out, I am aware that once you spend all this time and money (that you will be paying back until the end of time) getting a degree, maybe some people expect a lot more. I will also grant you that people from my background do attend college to make a better life than that of family who possibly did not get a degree and spent their lives struggling financially. All of this is true, but when I remind myself of this, there is a little nagging at the back of my mind that still protests...

When I returned to college after my little hiatus, I realized quickly that I had stepped into a world where a large portion of the people were speaking an entirely different language. (For more on this, see my post HERE.) This has not changed over the couple of years since then; it has actually become even more apparent. Now, let me say that the people I go to school with are not all bad; i like many of them, even the ones from this other planet called "well-off." It's just that the further I progress, the more like I feel I'm bashing my head against a brick wall. I dropped Women's Studies as a career path for this very reason. Every single WST class I took it seemed I spent half my time attempting to interject a low SES rural point of view into the discussion. I just could not see spending my entire career doing that. Now I'm afraid that Religion will be the same...

I suppose that given a certain kind of upbringing, 35 grand a year might not cut it, but as for me, where do i sign?

One down, too many to go...

2010-08-04T18:04:00.005-04:00

Today Chief U.S. District Judge Vaughn Walker overturned California's Prop 8, declaring that it

"the gay marriage ban violates the Constitution's due process and equal protection clauses while failing "to advance any rational basis in singling out gay men and lesbians for denial of a marriage license...Indeed, the evidence shows Proposition 8 does nothing more than enshrine in the California Constitution the notion that opposite-sex couples are superior to same-sex couples," the judge wrote in his 136-page ruling." (from the Yahoo News article, from which the picture is also taken).

My first reaction is a crazy dance around my living room, all-caps responses to the texts alerting me, and a facebook status filled with many, many exclamation points. This is amazing news!! After all, if the California ban can be shot down by the Constitution, all the others can too, right? I hope so. But I have learned in this fight that it is never a good idea to assume anything...I assumed Florida voters would have enough sense not to pass Amendment 2. I assumed that humans would have more sense and sympathy for their fellow creatures not to protest and say nasty things at funerals. On both counts, I was sadly mistaken.

However, as incredibly sad and beaten-down as I feel everyday about these things, I am given hope today by Judge Walker. SOMEONE sees that we are not trying to destroy anything; all we're doing is trying to build lives and protect those we love, to make those shiny rings on our left hands a true symbol of solidity. Thank you Judge Walker.

Now, please excuse me while I dance!

i must have missed that memo: in which a feminist ponders the "agenda"

2010-08-03T09:58:00.002-04:00

while watching mona lisa smile for the hundredth time, i stumbled on a review of the film that claimed it was solely a vessel for the...dunh dunh dunh..."feminist agenda." i have called myself a feminist for as long as i can remember. i think i may have carried from birth the impulse to correct the imbalances and wrongs women deal with everyday. one of my majors is women's studies, whose main purpose is the study of just that. so imagine my surprise at the rumors of an "agenda."

as long as there has been any sort of women's rights movements, there have been people claiming that there are nefarious plots to destroy the family and the world underlying everything. any movie or book or anything really that appears to even slightly support a feminist idea is immediately labeled a part of our insidious plot to warp the minds of all in our path and generally create chaos. this has lead to the demonization of feminism as a whole, to such an extent that women are loath to use the word let alone use it to describe themselves. frankly, i'm tired of it. i may have made the decision to pursue religion instead of women's studies as a career, but that has its owns reasons, which do NOT include not wanting to be known as a feminist. this is not to say that women's studies and feminism have their problems; they certainly do. it is these and not some desire to distance myself from feminism. but that is a topic for another blog...

Book Life 11: Mr. Monk and the Awesome Stories

2010-06-27T22:16:00.002-04:00

Mr. Monk and the Dirty Cop and Mr. Monk in Trouble by Lee Goldberg

Okay, it is no secret that I love Monk, the show and all of the books by Goldberg. These two are the latest in the series, though there's a new one, Mr. Monk is Cleaned Out, coming in a few months I think. They are awesome as usual. Monk, of course, solves not only the mysteries he's hired to solve but also any others lying about. I love them most because they present this brilliant man who is damn near crippled by OCD in not only a sympathetic light but also a true one. He isn't a joke or a fall guy...he's just Monk.

Pretty

2010-06-10T12:32:00.001-04:00

Awesome Spoken Word

Katie Makkai doing her poem "Pretty"...this ought to be required watching for kids...i know i could have used it as a kid...

Let's Talk About Sex: Abstinence and the Preachers of Doom

2010-05-11T19:04:00.002-04:00

I've talked about my research on the Quiverfull movement on this blog before, but I haven't gone into one of the more tangential areas related to it--abstinence education. The reason this is on my mind today is a) I just finished a paper a few weeks ago on born again virginity, and b) I'm watching The Education of Shelby Knox on Netflix. Shelby Knox is a documentary about a high school girl in Lubbock, Texas who fought the school's abstinence only policy to try to lower the pregnancy and STD rates there, which were some of the highest in the country. The filmmakers interviewed Ed Ainsworth, a True Love Waits speaker and abstinence proponent; during the course of this interview, AInsworth commented that while he talked about STD's in detail in his presentations, he would never demonstrate how to put on a condom. Then he compared this to showing kids how to use guns.

Okay, first of all, let me say that I am well aware that the only 100% effective way to prevent STD's and pregnancy is abstinence; that is a no-brainer. However, it is incredibly naive to believe that all teenagers are going to save themselves for marriage, and let us not forget that since we in the LGBTQ community cannot, for the most part (depending on where we live), get married, this is effectively saying that we should live completely celibate lives. Neither is realistic. Yes, it would be a perfect world if all teenagers (and adults) for that matter were more careful with their sex lives. STD's, like AIDS, would not be as widespread, and there wouldn't be as many teen and unplanned pregnancies. BUT this is not going to happen. It simply isn't, but these "abstinence warriors" do not want to admit this.

I am not saying that kids should be told that as long as they use protection, it's free love for everyone. However, they should be taught the proper way to use protection, the risks involved in multiple partners, how their bodies function, what STD's are and what they do to you. Unfortunately, many kids don't know the first thing about any of this. Abstinence only proponents claim that if this sort of education were available, there would be more teen pregnancies and STD's, but the evidence shows otherwise. In schools, such as Lubbock, where abstinence is the only line, the rates are much higher than in schools with accurate sex education. Many say that it should be left up to the parents to teach kids these things. Maybe in a perfect world, yes, it should, but the sad fact is that many parents are either unwilling or unable (being products of the same close-mouthed systems as their kids) to provide the education that kids need. As I said in my Mr. Rogers post, kids are exposed to a lot of things, and parenting should be one of those. It is a sad fact that this is not the case, and yet these same parents who are neglecting to tell their kids anything are the ones screaming that parents should have the final line on sex ed at home. Make up your mind. Either parent or allow the school to do it for you, but don't leave these kids to their own devices with no information available. That is dangerous.

Book Life 10: Following the Dead...Presidents, That Is...and How to Blow Up the World

2010-05-06T11:53:00.005-04:00

Assassination Vacation by Sarah Vowell

This is one of those books that has been on my "to read" list since it first came out--around 2005. At one point, I think we had it out of the library; Anna read it, but I was managing that god forsaken store in Talladega at the time, so....Anyway, Vowell covers the Lincoln, Garfield, and McKinley assassinations in an amazingly funny way. Along the way, you learn all kinds of strange information while also following her on her road trips to the historical sites associated with each of the deaths. I don't particularly know what to say about this one except that it was an excellent and quick read, and her other books are on my "to read" list for the next break. Fun Fact: Sarah Vowell was the voice of Violet, the daughter, in the Pixar movie, The Incredibles.

E=mc^2: A Biography of the World's Most Famous Equation by David Bodanis

When I told my friend Sam that this was a great book, he gave me "the look". You know, the "I'm sure it's great but wow what a geek are you" look lol. While I do read quite a lot of material on astrophysics, etc. that can be, frankly, over my head in places, this isn't one of them. Bodanis wrote this book as a way of explaining Einstein's equation to people who may or may not be familiar with physics, without sounding like he's trying to talk down to you. I loved it. He takes the equation apart and gives the history of each component, which was awesome, because though I kind of get what the whole equation does, I never knew the background of the pieces. For instance, I never knew that there were two women so influential in discovering and researching ideas that made the theory of relativity possible. I also never knew that Heisenberg, of the famous Uncertainty Principle, was basically a flaming Nazi; he was in charge of the Third Reich's atomic bomb program. And I don't mean he worked for them under duress and had serious issue with their actions; he once told a colleague that he knew about the concentration camps, but what can you do, you need the labor. o.0 All in all, of any of this interests you, pick up this book, regardless of whether you are a physics nerd. The chapter explaining how the atomic bomb actually works is worth it on its own.

Book Life 9: Beam Me Up (Yet Again)

2010-05-06T11:32:00.003-04:00

Star Trek: Myriad Universes: Infinity's Prism by William Leisner, Christopher L. Bennett, and James Swallow

Ahhh...the all-too-short break between spring and summer semesters is here. You know what that means? OUTSIDE READING! YAY! Don't get me wrong; there are only a few books that I have had in classes that I didn't like. However, sometimes the lovelies lying unread on my shelf call my name, and during the semester, I must ignore them. This particular book has been being ignored since the last break unfortunately...

In any case, if you are a Star Trek geek and are unfamiliar with the Myriad Universes series by Pocket Books, you need to go get them now! Basically each volume (there are 2 already in print with another on the way in December of this year) is three short ST novels, each written with the idea that at least one thing in the standard ST universe did not go as we know it. Hence the name Myriad Universes. I've read both of the ones that are out, and I LOVE THEM. This one in particular is interesting because of the final novel, though the first two are awesome as well.

Seeds of Dissent by James Swallow incorporates not only the characters of ST Voyager but also Capt. Picard (in a tangential way). The historical difference here is that rather than be defeated Khan won in the early twentieth century and his empire in the twenty-third extends beyond Earth to the Trill home world as well as Vulcan and a host of others. What Swallow has done is create a ST version of the classic "if Hitler had won" idea, and it works quite well. The most interesting is the notion of rewritten history. Almost no one in the 23rd century knows that Khan was a bloodthirsty tyrant; the histories available paint him as a savior. It is definitely enough to make one consider the history one was fed in school (if that hasn't already happened)...

Blaming Mr. Rogers: A Critique

2010-05-03T10:32:00.003-04:00

Blame it on Mr. Rogers

okay, my awesome friend Shyla posted the above article on facebook this morning. It isn't a bad article or terribly bad theory, but I have issues with it. Basically, LSU finance professor Don Chance claims that the overwhelming sense of entitlement among young people today is due to Mr. Rogers inundating them with "you're special just the way you are" messages. He says that it's all just a part of the ego-boosting aimed at children and the upsurge in "His Majesty, the Fetus" rhetoric from the pro-life groups. Again, not a completely flawed theory, at least when it comes to the ego-boosting and pro-life parts, that is. My main issue with the Mr. Rogers part is that it seems to be just one more way to take attention off of the fact that many parents are simply not teaching their kids how to act. Not only that it de-emphasizes all the good that Mr. Rogers did. Let me explain...

As pathetic as it may sound, as a child of Mr. Rogers-watching age, I was told very little that I was okay as I was. I had little evidence to assume this even without verbal cues, and Mr. Rogers was, somedays, the only person that actually claimed to like me for who I was. I had few friends, and as most of my current friends know, a terrible and usually not present mother. For kids like me, Mr. Rogers provided, if not perfect self-esteem (because let's face it, he was on TV and not entirely invested in my life), a seed of self-acceptance. Yes, I was weird and the biggest geek I knew, but that was okay. I know I was not the only kid for whom Mr. Rogers provided this...

"You're special." On the Yahoo Answers Web site, a discussion thread about Mr. Rogers begins with this
posting: "Mr. Rogers spent years telling little creeps that he liked them just the way they were. He should
have been telling them there was a lot of room for improvement. ... Nice as he was, and as good as his
intentions may have been, he did a disservice."

Even if Mr. Rogers did tell us that we were special the way we are, the entire show was about how to be a better person. Caring, compassion, empathy--these were constant themes. We may be special just the way we are, but we still needed to learn empathy and how to care for others.

That aside, we are living in an age in which children are the all-important and media and culture at large are blamed for everything. Take Columbine. Who was the first to be blamed? Not parents for not realizing the kids had problems, not bullies who caused the problem, but Marilyn Manson--a singer whose music the adults didn't understand and who is different enough to be easily targeted. When a kid does anything--take a gun to school, beat someone up--it is the video games and movies that are blamed. Now, I'm not saying that media and culture don't have any effect. Obviously they do, but think about this. If parents did not expect TV, movies, and video games to babysit their kids, maybe they wouldn't absorb the influences so fully.

One example that Chance points out in the article is calling adults by their first names. Now, maybe this is a regional thing, but I was never allowed to simply call an adult by their given name. When a friend's mom told us to call her by just her name and not Ms. (first name here) and I said it in front of my grandmother, she proceeded to bawl me out. I was to call people Mr. or Mrs. and their last name, or at the very least Mr. or Ms. and their first name. Just a first name was considered the height of disrespect. But apparently other places this isn't as stringently enforced...

But all of this can't be simply the fault of Mr. Rogers. After all, it's only a half-hour show. There are 23 1/2 other hours in the day in which kids can absorb other influences. Maybe parenting should be one of them...

Dear Anne Rice: An Open Letter to Someone I Used to Love

2010-01-14T14:36:00.004-05:00

Okay, we all know that I am a huge book geek...speaking materially, books are my favorite thing on earth. There are some books I love so very much that I have read them over and over and over again--The Vampire Chronicles by Anne Rice are in this category. I have a (possibly) unnatural attachment to lestat, and i have read his adventures ad infinitum. In fact, the quote Ihave tattooed on my arm is from something I wrote that grew out of a quote from Tale of the Body Thief. The Chronicles are books I will always have copies of...

Naturally, I also became a huge fan of their creator. Anne Rrice has been among my favorite authors since I first read Interview with the Vampire. I stuck with her after she announced that Blood Canticle would be Lestat's final adventure. I bought the first Jesus book hesitantly, but since I'm a religion geek, I went with it. It actually isn't bad. I had no intentions of reading her new christian endeavor, Angel Time, but still, whatever, Anne.

So, wtf is this blog about, you ask...about 20 minutes ago, I found out that Anne, the mother of my beloved Lestat, granted an interview with The 700 Club, home to one of the most ridiculously evil men on the planet--Pat Robertson. Over the years, this man has blamed 9/11, hurricane Katrina, and now the Haiti disaster on the gay community and assorted nonbelievers. He was once quoted, on the very show that conducted Anne's interview, as saying that AIDS is his god's way of controlling the gay population.

Now, first let me say that it is not Anne's reversion to Christianity that is the problem. As long as you are harming none, I say, whatever gets you through the day. What is the problem is her total disregard for quite a large portion of her loyal fans--the gay community. The Vampire Chronicles, whether intentionally or not, have a way of making people of minority social groups feel not so alone or bad. I don't have the energy to analyze that right now, but suffice it to say that this is true. Not only that, but her son is gay. Further, she called New Orleans home (for herself and multiple characters) for many years, and it's incredibly insensitive to Nola to appear on this show.

I can't say that I will stop rereading the Chronicles, because I think that there's too much beauty and awesomeness in them to do that. But though I'm sure she could care less about one little fan, I am no longer one of hers. Lestat will always be one of my favorite characters of all time, but his creator has abandoned us to the dark side. She speaks now of her older work as the "darkness" she was "called out of", but I think that maybe she has it backwards. The darkness has called her out of the accepting and beautiful world she once inhabited. I am mourning for this betrayal and hope that she sees what terrible things this seemingly insignificant interview means to some of us...

can we talk about jesus for a minute?: in which a frustrated religion student discusses problems with zealots

2009-12-18T12:35:00.003-05:00

Okay, I must first warn my Christian friends that they may or may not be offended by the following blog entry. If you are, please know that this was not the intention, and I humbly ask that you lighten up and open your mind a bit....

Now, the story begins on a damp December evening, last night actually...A friend's facebook status was one of those "please repost if you agree" kind of things talking about how people are trying "to take the Christ out of Christmas," etc. I, for some unknown reason likely having to do with sleep deprivation and general aggravation, decided it was a good idea to comment and impart some Yuletide knowledge. All I said was that, as I (and many others) understand it, if any of the nativity tale is true, it isn't possible for Jesus to have been born in December; also, the Christian observance of Christmas was superimposed on the Pagan celebration of the birth of Mithras, who was also, incidentally, said to bring light to the world. Two fairly common facts that even a lot of more liberal Christians don't dispute. Well, youd've thought I pissed on a Bible and spit on a crucifix. I was told I was "full of it" and basically that "ideas" had nothing to do with her faith. She implied that I'd attacked her faith and religion and that she expected the same respect she afforded my beliefs.

Where to begin? The implication of attack? Refusal to acknowledge the historical issues of one's religion? The self-righteous overtones? How about the notion that faith and ideas are mutually exclusive? *sigh*

First of all, let me say that my comments were in no way intended to attack anyone's faith. Even when I was Christian, I revelled in telling people about the Pagan origins of Christian holidays. It isn't about undermining faith; it's about knowledge. I fail to understand how learning about your religion's historical and cultural underpinnings is problematic. By ignoring and denying these, you are in fact denying that religion has a basis in daily human life, when really that's ALL it's about--how we as humans interact with one another and attempt to understand the Universe. I don't think I would want to be a part of a faith that was so divorced from my life that the acknowledgement of a few historical, cultural, or literary revelations could destroy it.

My other big contention with this is the self-righteous assumptions made--not just by my friend but by many Christians. It seems to be quite all right for Christians to make whatever statements they wish about other religions or lack thereof, but if anyone outside their faith dares to talk about Christianity, it is automatically an attack. Guess what? Some of us are simply fascinated by religion and our critiques should not be seen as all-out warfare on you and your religion. If your faith isn't strong enough to survive a little debate, that is not my problem, it's yours.

Lastly, I actually do want to talk about Jesus. My personal faith does not recognize him as the son of any god, except in the way we are all children of the Goddess and God. However, in his teachings, there are things that mesh well with my ethics; what modern Christianity has done with those teachings usually does not. I have no issue with someone following Jesus or being Christian. Hell, I've known Pagans that see the historical Jesus as a face of the God. What I do have a sincere problem with, besides the general misuse of what were actually a few awesome ideas, is the way that many Christians have made Jesus, or rather specific beliefs about him, so sacrosanct that discussion is not possible. I don't want to convert you, I just want a conversation and for you to realize that the man and the originators of your religion were HUMAN and that it did not evolve in a sacred little bubble but alongside human civilization. Therefore, historical and cultural information is important to your religion and faith.

One last thought: everything is based on ideas. Just because it's religion, it isn't exempt. Someone once had the IDEA that following Jesus might be cool....I'm just sayin...

just an update

2009-12-15T15:11:00.002-05:00

okay, so i haven't been on here in ages! i had to come drop off some books at the library on campus, and i thought i'd give you all a heads-up on life and my general obsessions:

1. i successfully defended my honors thesis on Quiverfull! yay! this means i will graduate with honors in women's studies. the defense was not half as bad as i assumed it would be, by the way.
2. due to an awesome professor, i will be able to take the gre! (tomorrow morning, in fact) this means i can apply to grad school for next fall instead of having to take a year off!
3. i am now done with spanish! woot!
4. anna and i are enjoying the hell out of having our own place again. we got all the yule decorations up and functioning last week!
5. i am still sans-employment, but not from lack of effort. i have sent i don't know how many resumes and applications off in the past couple of months. i've had a couple of interviews, but nothing has panned out.
6. my dad's mom, mama betts, died a couple of weeks ago. she and i weren't close, but i miss her regardless. mema, on the other hand, is doing okay. i call her nursing home every week to check on her, and her nurses are so sweet!

i think that's all in my life...but you know my obsessions: michelle duggar gave birth to josie brooklyn duggar a bit early due to preeclampsia...now there's 19 of them plus the daughter-in-law and the granddaughter...at this rate, in a few years, it'll be the united states of duggar...

since we have no internet at the apartment, and it is really hard to type a blog on my phone, though i have and will do it occasionally, this blog will continue to be a bit sparse until after the new semester starts in january...

peace

...And another generation begins...

2009-10-10T09:03:00.002-04:00

As most of the television-watching world knows now, the Duggars now have their first grandchild--Mackynzie Renee Duggar--daughter of oldest son Josh and his relatively new wife Anna. According to the news reports, they couple welcomed their new baby in their home with a midwife and doula in attendance. While on some levels, I applaud this, I also wonder where it may lead.

In the Quiverfull movement is a smaller subset known as freebirthers. They begin having babies at home with a medically trained midwife and/or doula but then progress eventually to completely unassisted births with only the father "catching". Some people would say that this is fine, given that millions of women in other countries especially do this everyday. However, consider the recent case of Carri Chmielewski...she had an unassisted homebirth. She ignored all of the warning signs that it was a difficult pregnancy and looked to be a difficult birth by saying that God would protect her and the baby. The result was that the baby died and Carri ended up in the hospital in critical condition.

Freebirthing may not be an issue in many cases where the parents are well-prepared and knowledgeable and the birth is unproblematic. However, in cases such as the Chmielewskis, there are obvious issues.

The High Price of Being Gay...a commentary on the NYTimes

2009-10-10T08:55:00.002-04:00

NYTimes article

Okay, so I read this article this morning through a blog I frequent. In theory, I love that they took the time to run all these numbers and show the world the financial hardships associated with being a non-existent couple. Health insurance, taxes, etc...they covered it. BUT I have an issue with their calculations. They based the numbers on a best-case and a worst-case scenario: best--both partners make $70,000 a year, worst--one makes $110,000 and the other makes $30,000. While they say that these are based on averages in the three states most full of gayness (California, Florida, and New York) for college-educated couples in their 30s-40s raising kids under 18, I would have to venture a guess and say that a segment of the gay population lucky enough to be making gobs of money skewed those averages. None of the gay couples I know make anywhere near that amount of money. What I would like to see is an analysis of the problems of gay couples living in near-poverty or at least in low-income circumstances. You get into a whole 'nother set of problems there--none of which I am sure they examined....i'm just saying...

..."Now that's Love."

2009-09-20T19:07:00.002-04:00

Last night, Anna and I went with Violetta to see her husband, Brannon (aka Leroy, aka Something) perform his poetry. Unbeknowst to us, it was pretty much all Christian art. Now, in general, this is no problem, and for the most part, I put aside the religious overtones and just enjoyed the music and the talent. A couple of times I was a bit put off by what was said, but honestly, this is me we're talking about. It isn't that surprising. In any case, Christianity aside, Brannon fucking rocked the place. The man is awesome! I'm a total spoken word geek and will watch Def Poetry over and over, and I'm telling you, he's great. (The title of this blog is from the best one he did.)

There is a point to this, and I swear I'm getting to it. They had an open mike section, and I had a notebook in my purse with a few of my okay poems. However, given the crowd, I didn't think it would be such a great idea. The one that would have been the closest to usable was one about Kali, and I'm not sure they sould have appreciated the skirt of arms and garland of heads imagery. I wish I could have though. I've never performed any of my poems, despite the fact that most of them would work better as spoken word than on paper. I've never really had an opportunity. Of course, I also haven't written in a bit, and I worry that I can't anymore. Sometimes I can scribble something passable out, but most of the time I'm wrapped up in papers and thesis stuff and nothing truly creative happens. I used to be a creative writing major for crying out loud! Wtf happened?

The other point I was mulling over last night is divinity and divine experiences. Especially in the music and Brannon's poems, I could feel their passion and love for their version of the divine. For little Pagan me, it served as a worship time, even though the deities I was thinking of were decidedly different from the ones that they were talking about. It was pretty cool. But then I got to thinking that were most of the people in the room to attend the annual Samhain labyrinth or even the Mabon ritual this weekend, they would not have the same experience at all. Some of them might, but...Being Pagan has allowed me to become much more open to experiencing the divine in all its manifestations and wonder. I'm definitely grateful for that...Blessed Be...

Christian Psychotics, Episode 3: ...and they just keep coming:

2009-09-02T10:12:00.003-04:00

The Duggars announce their 19th child!

Okay, most everyone knows that I am studying the Quiverfull people for my honors thesis. The Duggars on TLC, though they never use the word, are a perfect example of this movement: complete rejection of all birth control (so they say, but I'll get to that in a minute), strict gender roles, the whole nine yards...As of now, they have 18 kids, hence the name of their show (18 kids and counting), but Michelle and Jim Bob have just announced the impending arrival (doom?) of their 19th child. This one is due in March, just five months after their first grandchild is supposed to arrive. According to their book, while the Duggars eschew any conventional form of birth control, they do follow Hebrew Bible injunctions about abstinence after birth--40 days after the birth of a boy and 80 days after the birth of a girl. In the loosest of math, she could be pregnant even using their own system, but my question is SHOULD she be?

I am a card-carrying feminist and a firm believer in the power of choice, even if it is not a choice I would make for myself. However, it is worth wondering whether this is a true choice, especially for the girls raised (brainwashed?) in this movement...

Adventures of a New Vegetarian, Episode 3: Crouching Veggies, Hidden Chicken

2009-08-15T19:23:00.001-04:00

So, like I said in the last episode, I not only discovered that Stouffer's cheesy potatoes had bacon, but the only chunky potato soup I could find without bacon had chicken in it. As if this wasn't enough, I got excited when I found seasoned black beans in an easy cook pouch (by Old El Paso, I think). Then I read the ingredients, and guess what I found? Chicken. Seriously, people...why would you need to put chicken in everything? Aren't there enough spices in the world without using chicken?

Oh well, as soon as we have our own kitchen, I'm learning to cook, and then I can make vegetarian versions of whatever I want...

Mountaintop Apocalypse: Coal Mining and the Destruction of Rural America

2009-08-06T10:12:00.005-04:00

I wrote this a while back, and it somehow got saved as a draft instead of posting. So here it is...

I finally got to watch the Focus Earth episode about mountaintop coal mining this morning. That was a quick way to run my blood pressure up. The West Viginia mountains are home to the richest vein of coal in the country, and coal companies are blasting the hell out of the area to get to it. The issue has recently come to the forefront because of famous activists such as Darryl Hannah, but people in the WV hills have been dealing with it for years.

According to the coal companies, they're doing the people of WV and the nation a favor by supplying the fossil fuel, and in some ways, they're almost right. Extremely rural areas of the South are notoriously underdeveloped, and coal mines do provide jobs for some. However, even if they are providing some form of employment, is it worth the consequences? Areas near the mines are covered in coal dust, which causes chronic health problems for the residents. Toxic sludge pollutes the water and land. Not to mention what it's doing to that stretch of the Appalachians. Then you have the problem of what the coal is being mined for...Coal-powered power plants spew tons of pollutants into our air everyday, but instead of weaning the industry from coal, more coal-powered plants are being built all the time. And it isn't just the immediate areas around the plants that are suffering. Polluted air travels well away from the area causing acid rain, which destroys forests, lakes, wildlife, you name it.

So what's the solution? Companies claim that if mining stopped tomorrow, the towns would lose half their population because people would leave for work. I can't argue with that; as I said, the rural South has little development to speak of. Build solar cell factories there, recycling plants, green businesses...you'd give the people sustainable green jobs and eliminate the problems of coal mining--health and otherwise.

Trust me on this: destroy the rural areas of this country, and the rest will follow.

Adventures of a New Vegetarian, Episode 2: I Can Has Chick'n Fingers?

2009-08-06T00:09:00.002-04:00

I went to Publix this morning to pick up a few things and found a fabulous. First, Green Giant has these individual trays of broccoli and cheese, corn, and something else, which are perfect for us since we can't cook like we'd like to. I'd rather not use the plastic even though we recycle, but to have veggies when we want, I'll try to cut plastic somewhere else. Anyway, I decided to try Morningstar Farms vegetarian Chick'n Fingers. Pretty awesome! They actually tasted almost exactly like cheap frozen chicken fingers. Admittedly, given the choice, most people would choose organic chicken breast tenders over cheapo chicken fingers, but you eat whatcha got. If you are going to be vegetarian and like chicken, these are perfect. Sadly, I realized that Stouffer's cheddar potato bake, which I love, has bacon in it. It's weird. I've eaten it a hundred times and never paid any attention to the fact that there was bacon...

One last annoyance from our grocery adventures...everyone who knows me knows I love potatoes, and I seek out anything made with them. I especially love potato soup. Unfortunately, most canned potato soups tend to have bacon in them. (Apparently bacon is my new nemesis.). When I saw the Campbell's Select Harvest potato soup without bacon, I was happy...until I checked the ingredients. Chicken! Anna said it was probably chicken broth, but why in blue hell would you put chicken in potato soup? Seriously...

Stay tuned for more Adventures of a New Vegetarian...same veggie time, same veggie station...

Christian Psychotics, Episode 2: Extending Their Sentences

2009-08-05T15:28:00.003-04:00

If you follow me at all, you know that I am studying Quiverfull and that general brand of nutcase. In the course of gathering resources, I got myself on the email list for Vision Forum, a group formed by one of the most-high weirdos himself, Doug Phillips. Today, I received an email promoting a new branch of their homeschool products: CollegePlus! (The exclamation point is theirs.) as a low-cost option for further education in the homeschool community. On the surface, this may be a good thing. One testimonial claimed to have received her bachelor's before the age of 18 and paid only a total of $6000 for it. I'm here to tell you that that is a STEAL! $6000 wouldn't pay for a semester for me here--no joke. Thank you Goddess for student loans! Anyway, as I manuevered around the information on the site, it dawned on me what the creeping discomfort I was feeling was coming from...

One of the major reasons that Quiverfull families homeschool is to remove secular influence from their kids' lives as much as possible and keep them in the home as long as possible (generally until they get married)--especially the girls. Very rarely do you see anything in Quiverfull literature promoting college education for their girls, or even their boys for that matter. The Duggars actually talked about this briefly on an episode. Jim Bob and the girls said that they wanted to be midwives (for which there is apparently a Christian school) or missionaries. Neither of which requires a secular college education. Even among the Duggar boys there wasn't really one who wanted to do anything involving college. Now, I'm not saying that every single person should go to college. There are a lot of people who don't want to and have perfectly wonderful jobs. That is not the issue.

Quiverfull girls are sheltered beyond anything I have ever seen. They are considered not just a daughter but their father's daughter until the day they get married and then they become not just a wife but their husband's wife. Then, usually as quickly as possible, they become not just a mother, but their children's mother. Homeschooling is the norm, and most don't appear to go to any university--religious or otherwise. By giving these parents a college homeschool option, they may be allowing the girls to have a further education, but what sort of education? Most of the homeschool curriculums are character-based, rather than actual subjects, though those do get taught incidentally. I haven't gotten all the info yet, but the college courses seem to be similar--an escape from the "secular immorality" of regular college. So, even though they appear to be getting the higher education many believe is necessary, I am not sure it is what one would call comprehensive. And what exactly are they going to do with it? Unless they break away from their family's beliefs, which many do not, they will have a BA from CollegePlus!, but it amounts to an "MRS degree".

More on this when I get the special info packet...

Making the Less-Convenient Choice

2009-08-04T11:42:00.002-04:00

I just skimmed an article at the Huffington Post about the rising cost of obesity-related health care. The article itself, what I read of it, wasn't that bad, but I'm pissed. In all of these articles and news reports castigating overweight people, no one ever talks about two issues that are very much behind the problem: poverty and the culture of convenience we have here in the U.S. I've blogged a ton about poverty, but this whole convenience thing has been bothering me a lot lately.
Fast food and junk food are a huge part of people's diets here in the U.S. I should know; they've always been a part of mine. While much of the reason is it just tastes good, the bigger part is that it's easy. It's a hell of a lot easier to go through a drive-thru or pop a pizza in the microwave than to actually cook something healthy. Again, I should know. It actually takes thought to go to the store and choose organic, vegetarian, and otherwise healthy food. And most people here don't do that.

If it was made easier and more affordable to eat healthy, people would be healhier. Yes, exercise is important. Hell, we'd rather watch the biggest loser or dance your ass off than actually do the stuff they're doing on the shows. However, you can exercise all day, but if what you're eating is unhealthy, you're gonna be unhealthy.

(By the way, a fabulous side effect of eating organic and/or vegetarian and vegan is that you reduce your carbon footprint like crazy...)

What people need to start doing is making the harder choices. If you have the money, eat organic. Buy the organic free range chicken and cook your own chicken nuggets. Or even better, if you can, go vegetarian. The problem for the people who can afford it is learning to do what might be less convenient, but for a lot of people, it's making it affordable and available. I couldn't have gone organic in Thomasville, except for whatever veggies I got from my father-in-law, even if I'd had the money. Make vegetarian and organic as accessible as mcdonald's to the general population, you save health in the U.S. and the planet in the process...

A little scattered, but I'm just sayin...

Gone Veggie..Adventures of a New Vegetarian, Prologue

2009-07-31T20:59:00.002-04:00

Yeah, so I finally decided that I could not ignore my conscience anymore, and I became a vegetarian. Unlike the last couple of times I've tried to go veggie, I haven't been craving the stuff I "can't" have. Yet...we'll see how it goes, but so far, I'm doing pretty good...I tried chocolate soy milk, which I can definitely add to my fridge, but I don't know about regular soy milk. For the things I'm not losing--eggs and dairy products--we're buying organic, which we've mostly been doing for a while. No matter what, at least I'm reducing my carbon footprint and, most importantly, animals are not dying for me to eat. I just hope I stick with it this time.

Rest in Peace E. Lynn Harris

2009-07-24T17:11:00.005-04:00

We were in Harry Potter all morning (it's a long movie!), so I just found out about E. Lynn Harris' death a couple of hours ago. For those who don't know, Harris was a fabulous openly gay African-American author known for tackling difficult topics like homophobia, religion, bisexuality, and men on the down low in the Black community. He was hugely popular, and his books were often found in the African American section as opposed to just the LGBT section, which I always thought was awesome because it probably meant more people read his books than might have otherwise. It also meant that stores like Wal-Mart (yeah, I know, evil, but...)carried them, which made them available to people in small towns that may not have had access to a bookstore or a library that stocked them (like Thomasville, AL, where I got one of his late books). His eleventh book, Basketball Jones, was published earlier this year, and he was on tour promoting it when he had a heart attack. The last time a writer's passing affected me this much was Kurt Vonnegut...so, you may be asking, why would a non-Black girl from Alabama love E. Lynn Harris so much?

I will admit that I haven't kept up with his books over the last couple of years. They make my to-read list, but lack of time has made that list very long. His first novel, Invisible Life, was the first gay book I ever read. I was fourteen years old, crazy religious, and just realizing I was gay when I stumbled on Invisible Life in my little small town library. At the time, I was still convinced that I was going to hell because I liked girls. You cannot imagine how comforting it was to live in Harris' characters' lives for a while. They were gay and bisexual and struggling with what the world and their families would think. They were so real to me. It took a few more years after reading it before I finally accepted myself, but I always carried the memory of that book with me. To this day, I can still remember what the cover looked like and exactly where it was on the shelf. Almost every stamp on the library card was mine. What's crazy is I don't think I reread it that many times. Sometimes, I would check it out just to have it. I guess it was comforting in some way to have proof that I wasn't alone in my struggle.

I wish that I had written or emailed him to let him know how much I loved his books years ago. Well, thanks E. Lynn, wherever you are...

E. Lynn Harris.com

because i obviously don't have enough distractions....

2009-07-16T21:11:00.003-04:00

it has come to my attention that, contrary to my own beliefs, i am the biggest procrstinator in the Western Hemisphere...since my first semester back had me finishing everything early, i can only imagine that it has developed slowly over the last two years rather than simply being a dormant condition of which i was unaware. that being said, there are several websites that have been contributing much to the sad procrastination that is enveloping me...

So here they are, my favorite time-wasters:

1. Facebook...obvious time-waster...iphone app and online
2. Twitter...not alone here, I know...iphone app and online
3. 11 points...awesome site I just discovered that is exactly what it sounds like...top 11 lists...because "top ten lists are for cowards" lol
4. Texts from Last Night...again, an obvious site...posts of texts and text conversations...and lemme tell you, when you search by area code for your own, you can get awfully frightened by what you find
5. Overheard in New York...random things, wait for it, overheard in New York City
6. I Can Has Cheezburger...this is made much worse by the iphone app...lolcats, dogs, and ppl at my fingertips 24-hours-a-day?! hell yeah
7. Epicute...cute and interesting things with food...the lolcats of the culinary world...
8. Cute Overload...way too cute animals
9. FML...code for fuck my life...massive amounts of posting of people probably having a worse day than you...

3 oh 3 is a magic number...and i'll leav it at that

Ghost Adventures Season 2, Episode 7 Preview

2009-07-16T14:32:00.002-04:00

I've started getting my email updates for each show, so here's the preview video for this week's lockdown: Moon River Brewing Company, Savannah, Georgia

Moon River Preview

Follow GA on Twitter!

Too Lazy to Be Green

2009-07-12T20:06:00.004-04:00

So, most of you know that I try to be as green as I possibly can. I am certainly no Ed Begley, Jr., and there are a lot of things that I could probably do better. But I'm getting better as time goes on. Most of you also know that Anna and I live with my family while I am going to school. A few weeks ago, the landlord came out here and did some yard work and happened to move a recycling bin next to the back steps. I had no idea, but the bill for trash pickup includes recycling pickup as well! We can recycle cardboard, plastic, glass, aluminum and tin cans, magazines...basically pretty much anything. We've been living here for almost 2 years, and not once has my mother mentioned the recycling--except for coke cans, which they get money for. When I asked her about it, she said they were just too lazy to deal with it. OMFG Okay, the back steps are right outside the kitchen door--literally a door and about 5 steps from the kitchen trash can. It is absolutely ridiculous that people are too lazy to do these things. They are not difficult or expensive at all. Not everyone has the money to go out and buy a Prius or build an eco-friendly house (we certainly don't), but there is no effin reason you can't take a plastic bottle or tin can a couple more feet to a recyclin bin. NONE. It's already being paid for, so in fact, you are wasting money by not using the service...

just needed to let that out...

Ghost Adventures Season 2, Episode 6: Eastern State Penitentiary, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

2009-07-12T19:25:00.004-04:00

Wow, look at me, a post on time lol...This was the best episode yet! Eastern State is a great location; I think you could get awesome evidence in broad daylight there. Considered one of the most haunted locations in the world, it started in 1829 as a hardcore solitary confinement prison, with each cell being completely blocked from the others, and prisoners were shrouded when being moved to keep them isolated even when out of their cells. (One interesting fact they noted here was that the Quakers apparently came up with the idea that extreme solitary confinement would help the inmates find forgiveness, repentance, and God.) Throughout its history, the guards used torture to keep the inmates in line, using such things as the tongue clamp (which they "clamped" on poor Aaron) and the "mad chair". Many, many men died at Eastern State, and in looking at the old death records, Zak noted multiple suicides and one listed as death by "masturbation". (what the...?)

The Smorgasbord of Evil

Anyway, while the location was awesome to see, what stood out was the evidence. In one of the cells in cellblock 12, you can VERY CLEARLY hear "...I knew God-God..." and "hungry" in what sounded to me like two separate voices. In the hallway near this area, you also hear "hi". Now, sometimes evp's are garbled and grainy and they could be saying any number of things. Not these. The words were clear and easily understood. Later, the guys split up and went to three separate areas: Zak to Al Capone's cell, Aaron to the infirmary, and Nick to a cell where an inmate had brutally murdered a guard. Aaron heard some footsteps, and there was a small bit of noise in Capone's cell. But Nick had an intelligent presence; twice, his name was spoken. Once was in answer to his asking "Who's locked up in this cell?" That was not a good thing, I don't think. Active negative spirits can take parts of you, whether you know it or not. I would personally do a cleansing after every lockdown, but that's just me....

Next week: Moon River Brewery, Savannah, Georgia

Ghost Adventures Season 2, Episode 5: The Birdcage Theater, Tombstone, Arizona

2009-07-12T19:23:00.001-04:00

This is almost a week behind, but…Oh, and I can’t find the notes I scribbled during the show for this, so it may be a bit spotty and short. I apologize…

Despite my general lack of enthusiasm for all things western in genre, I have always loved the movie Tombstone, so I was kind of stoked to see what they would find here. The building they were investigating has a serious history of supernatural experiences, some captured by other ghost hunters and employees there. It served as a bar and brothel when it was open and now serves as a museum, complete with the Black Mariah (the old west hearse) on display. They caught several disembodied voices, and I think they were fairly disappointed not to have seen the naked woman ghost reported to them in the pre-lockdown walkthrough. :-) As usual, poor Aaron was sent off on a mission by himself. This time, they sent him up to the Black Mariah to investigate. I feel bad for him sometimes…but the faces he makes are simply priceless! (We love you Aaron!)

As I said, I can’t find the notes I scribbled, and I am writing this a full week after watching the episode. If I get a chance to watch it again, I’ll edit.

Next Week: Eastern State Penitentiary, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Ghost Adventures Season 2, Episode 4: Magnolia Plantation, Natchitoches, Louisiana

2009-07-12T19:19:00.002-04:00

Okay, I’m a couple of weeks behind, so bear with me while I catch up…

This episode was awesome, guys! It was fun seeing them in a Southern country setting. I love Zak, Nick, and Aaron, but they are definitely city boys lol. Case in point: Zak got buzzed by a carpenter bee and was heard to say “What is that? A helicopter?” Then when told what it was he asked if it would kill you. Priceless. :-D

Anyway, on the initial daytime walkthrough, the park rangers kept referring to the black x’s painted everywhere as “historical graffiti”. Well, anyone who knows anything about Voodoo knows that’s bullshit. Zak thought the same and looked it up to find their Voodoo significance. As with Castillo de San Marcos, I understand that the rangers are federal employees and are probably told to keep any Voodoo and/or ghost talk to a minimum, but I mean, come on. At least don’t treat people like they’re morons. A couple of anthropologists working on the site were interviewed, and one came up with quite a few items of interest. I particularly loved the Miraculous Medal that had been altered to represent Urzuli.

Prior to the lockdown, the guys participated in a Voodoo ritual to open the door to any spirits that may be trying to come through. Bloody Mary was cool, and the face that was photographed in the smoke was awesome! The ritual apparently worked because the spirits were definitely around. In the main house, which is still privately owned, there was the requisite knocking and voices, and an attic closet full of drying gourds freaked Zak right on out. But in his defense, he was in a very dark room with nothing but some night vision to see by. A room of gourds would be a bit strange in those conditions.

The second half of the lockdown took place on the park half of the grounds. Nick was sent off to the old slave hospital, while Zak and Aaron were locked in the cabin that used to belong to a slave healer woman named Aunt Agnes. While Zak and Aaron were waiting for the ranger to lock them in, lights in the next cabin began flashing on and off, seemingly in response to questions Zak was asking. I honestly think they should have gotten the ranger to lock them in that cabin instead, but being that it was government property, they may have only had permission to be in Aunt Agnes’ cabin. I don’t know. What I do know is that the evidence the two of them got in the cabin was pretty clear. After Zak mentioned that there is no slavery now (at least not official slavery on the scale of what the spirits would have experienced), they heard and recorded what sounded like a ritual or celebration. And a disembodied voice very clearly said Aaron’s name. One of the highlights: Zak saying to the spirits, “Do some Voodoo magic on us!”, Aaron: “Don’t taunt them.” Zak: “Am I taunting?” Aaron: “Dude! You’re taunting the hell out of it!” OR the “crawfish supernatural” (that tickled the hell outta me)

Next episode: The Birdcage Theater in Tombstone, Arizona

Solving Rural Obesity, a Primer

2009-07-02T00:08:00.002-04:00

I just read an article at the Huffington Post about obesity in the U.S. Apparently, Mississippi is still the "fattest", but Alabama is closing in quickly. The researchers in the article were like, "we should improve school lunches and sidewalks so the people can walk their neighborhoods instead of driving." What? Okay, the school lunch thing is spot on, because there are areas where that may be all or nearly all that a kid gets to eat that day. But sidewalks? That will work in large cities--Birmingham, etc., but most of Alabama and Mississippi are rural. Sidewalks are not going to help at all. Even if you have sidewalks running all over the place, things are too far apart to bother.

I'll tell you how to solve the obesity problem in the rural South: GIVE PEOPLE OPTIONS. I have always maintained that if you give someone on food stamps or even just a very low income healthy choices for prices they can afford, they will pick them over the unhealthy ones. For example, say you have exactly $20 for groceries, money or food stamps, to last you a week or two. Are you going to buy $1 pizzas and 8 for $1 ramen noodles that will last or a small amount of fresh produce that won't? No matter how much better for you the veggies are, the math simply doesn't work. If farmer's markets and healthy food were made available, accessible, and most of all affordable for the rural poor, they would take it. No one wants their kids to be obese and increase their risks for health problems, but in a choice between healthy and hungry or full but heavier, what do you think will be the choice?

Of course, economic development, sex education, higher literacy rates, and being paid a living wage would help more...but that's a whole 'nother blog.

space cadet: tales of the post-medicated

2009-06-22T19:22:00.002-04:00

Sometime last week:

me: i need to renew my prescription for zoloft.
dr: i'd like to look into a few things. i'll call you in something.
me: ok, but i have an extremely low tolerance for anything that makes you drowsy.

Two days later:

dr: i called you in a mild sedative. (which turned out to be .25 xanax)

Today:

me: i will not be taking that again. i took one friday night, was out cold in 30 minutes, had weird dreams, AND basically had a hangover all day saturday.
dr: well, we can at least say we tried. you must have a low tolerance for that kind of drug.

*********************
my kingdom for a doctor who actually LISTENS!!! is that too much to ask? what about the statement "i have an extremely low tolerance for things that make you drowsy. so low in fact that i once slept, like, 8 hours after taking half a goody powder. " makes you think effin XANAX in ANY dosage is a good idea?!?!?! i tell the doctor that i am constantly tired and unable to concentrate and think clearly. somehow this translates in her mind to "she needs to be given meds that make even most people with normal tolerance levels a space cadet." if you can figure it out, let me know.

home

2009-06-21T14:41:00.002-04:00

Those close to me know that my grandmother, Mema, is the one who mostly raised me and is more of a mother than a grandmother. Given my entirely unstable childhood, her house became the one place in the universe that I could count on to always be there and always be the same. I was always safe and happy there. Some of my best memories are at that house on Country Drive. Hell, most of my oldest friends spent a ton of time there too and probably have memories there as well. Well, Mema isn't doing so well now. My uncle was doing a less than stellar job taking care of her and the state of Alabama took custody of her. She's in the hospital now because of a stroke and neglect basically. The alzheimer's that stalks the women on her side of the family is taking its toll, and she's going to have to be in a nursing facility. Mom's been made her guardian, at least for now, and Mema will probably be moved to a facility down here near us when it's possible in the next few months. In the meantime, Mom had to sell the house.

You know, it's been killing me that Mema has been steadily declining, but it didn't really hit me until I thought about the house being sold. My room will no longer be my room. Danny's room won't be his anymore. The flowers and the trees in the yard won't be hers anymore. There's thrift in that yard that came from Mema's grandmother's yard, for crying out loud. It's family history. And it was all I had of home for most of my life....

Ghost Adventures Season 2, Episode 3: La Purisma Mission, Lompoc, CA

2009-06-19T22:04:00.002-04:00

This week's location was the La Purisma Mission in Lompoc, CA, which seemed to be relatively similar to the Mission San Luis here in Tallahassee--chapel, buildings, reenactors, etc. Eyewitnesses described some physical manifestations and other forms, and a California paranormal investigator, Richard Senate, related some very clear visual experiences. Novelist Tamara Thorne was also on hand to describe her experiences. Senate claims that the mission is likely one of the most haunted locations in the U.S.

Reminiscent of the prison shower in season 1, Aaron was sent into the old village area as bait, but they only got one questionable evp. They picked up another couple of evps in the infirmary as well. Better evidence came in the form of a thermal image near a battlefield and at least one fairly clear evp ("lay down") when nick was sitting on a bed known to be a center of activity after finding the bed covers messed up. My favorite was the weaving room. The guys measured an almost 30 degree temperature change and flute music.

While I was skeptical of Senate's weirdly specific description of the thermal image, the other evidence was pretty good. I'm excited to see next week's investigation of Magnolia Plantation in Louisiana.

Republicans Do Facebook Too...Unfortunately

2009-06-15T07:01:00.002-04:00

Apparently South Carolina GOP activist and former head of state elections Rusty DePass decided to make a Facebook status on a zoo escapee. He said somethimg to the effect that people shouldn't worry about the escaped gorilla because it was just one of Michelle Obama's ancestors and was probably therefore harmless. WHAT?

It is 2009, people! Shouldn't we have begun to move past this race bullshit by now? I mean, I grew up in the Deep South and know that there are plenty of ill-bred people still flying their racism proudly, but stuff like this never ceases to amaze me and piss me off. The only positive thing I can say is at least he wasn't from Alabama...And just one question: does the use of monkey epithets by usually conservative Christian racists like DePass indicate a grudging acceptance of evolution, an intended jab at liberal belief in such, or just your run-of-the-mill "other races aren't human" stance? just a thought...

prescription abstractions

2009-06-15T01:07:00.004-04:00

Lately I've been having a few relatively minor health issues--nothing major, but adding up to serious annoyance. And this has happened before, so I know how to fix it. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Anyway, I've been constantly tired, and even when I sleep 8 hours or more, I don't feel like I've slept. I'm having concentration and memory problems, headaches, increased problems with my arthritis and carpal tunnel, and I just generally feel bad. When this happened before (about 6 years ago), it all ended up being side effects of the rampaging OCD and the various other anxiety disorders I've managed to collect over the years. I went on Zoloft, and boom, problem mostly solved. Why mostly? Ah, dear reader, herein lies the blog.

Those close to me know I harbor a general distrust for the medical profession as a whole. As Emily recently noted, what they do is called "practice" after all. I've had a few doctors I would now classify as quacks, and I've done a bit of research into various aspects that has left me skeptical at the least and pissed off. The reading I've done on anti-depressants scares the holy bejeezus outta me, as well. The side effects, after-effects, etc. are icky, frightening, and sometimes bizarre. So, there's that to contend with.

The other thing is a bit more abstract. I've had OCD since I can remember. Some of my earliest memories are colored with my attempts at list-making and hyper-perfection. (I had the cleanest play kitchen on the block. :) ) So, I honestly consider the OCD to be at least a minor part of who I am. "Hi! I'm Dawn--lesbian, Pagan, feminist geek with OCD from low-income Alabama." That's me in a (slightly dysfunctional) nutshell. If I take meds to control it, what does that change? To put it another way, am I the hyper, bouncy, 0 to 60 in 2.5 seconds girl that comes with Zoloft? Or am I the slightly morose schizo with no chemical alterations (other than an odd addiction to Arizona diet green tea)? How much of who I am is tied up in the disorders, and how much will fade away with the meds? I want to be able to sleep, concentrate, and function, but as me--the Dawn my wife and friends love, not Dawn the Zoloft Zombie.

And you thought the hardest part of OCD was getting the vaccuum tracks even....

Ghost Adventures Season 2, Episode 2: Castillo de San Marcos

2009-06-12T22:08:00.002-04:00

In the second episode of the season, zac, nick, and aaron travel to st. augustine, florida to check out the castillo de san marcos. according to several eye witnesses, they've had tons of activity including the diembodied head of osceola and soldiers still walking the walls above the cannons. it was interesting that everyone they spoke to described paranormal experiences, EXCEPT the park rangers. of course, the government wouldn't let an official employee avow any knowledge of ghosts...no surprise there.

anyway, the guys had several disembodied voices, and aaron heard footsteps running up behind him after which he RAN back to zac and nick completely whacked out by the experience. one of the clearer sounds was a sort of growl when zac was talking to the spirits in a dungeon cell.

tlhey had an experimental piece of equipment which they believe can be used by spirits to communicate actual words. the results they got with it were relevant and fairly cool. 'upstairs' was one of the responses, and so of course they went out onto the upper wall. on the left hand side of the video frame, you can see a couple of small flashes followed by a constant light moving out of the frame. it looks like a lantern being lit with a flint. you can even see the small back flashes which would be consistent with flint. there are also flashes in the alcoves on the wall where cannons were.

the evidence was pretty good this time, though i wish there had been more visuals. you can't regulate that though. i loved the new toy and am excited to see how it works out through the rest of the season.

Biblical Sex and the Fools Who Promote It, Episode 1

2009-06-11T18:01:00.003-04:00

I am obsessed with Religion Dispatches, a fabulous site with tons and tons of articles about pop culture items, books, movements, etc. that are religiously inclined (or atheist as the case may be). Today I was reading an interview with Dagmar Herzog, author of Sex in Crisis: The New Sexual Revolution and the Future of American Politics. The image they placed alongside the article featured a sparkly bra and panties set from the Christian covenant marriage site Marriage Vineyard. Of course, seeing as I am studying this particular sort of Christian psychotic, I went surfing over to check them out. In the process of checking out the sexy wares they are peddling,I came across a free pdf of a book What the Bible Says About Sex. Of course, I downloaded it. One chapter in particular has given me serious pause: "Sex Before Marriage, Prostitution, and STD's".

At the beginning of this chapter, they list the 6 items specifically forbidden in the Bible/Old Testament; number 6 is "rape of an engaged or married woman (Deuteronomy 22:23-24)". My first thought was "what are the implications of that statement for single women? Can they just be raped willy nilly?" A few sentences into the first paragraph, I got my answer:

Seduction of an unengaged virgin is addressed in Exodus 22:16,17 - the penalty is to pay the full bride price and generally marry the girl. Rape of an unengaged virgin requires marriage to take place and the full bride price to be paid. (Deuteronomy 22:28,29) and he may not divorce her ever. The man gets stuck with a hurt, angry woman for life. Thus the penalty for sex before marriage- is marriage.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? So, let me get this straight...if you rape an engaged or married woman is specifically dealth with as being forbidden. BUT if you rape an unengaged virgin, HIS punishment is to marry her. I have heard of women condemned to marry their rapists, but never from an American Christian source. The kicker is the fact that "the man gets stuck with a hurt, angry woman for life." Okay, what about the victim? They obviously aren't considering this a punishment for her, and do you want to know why? She is a non-person until married. Not an exaggeration, people. All of the literature I'm reading talks about women as pre-married and a furture bride. The woman is never a person until tethered to a man in marriage. She is her father's daughter, a burden to unload at a reasonable age onto some willing schmo, who may have been her rapist apparently...

yeah, gay people are bringing marriage way down with our committed voluntary relationships and crazy ideas about wanting to raise kids...more on this as the research unfolds

You can't catch poor, and an adult looks back at harriet the spy

2009-06-09T13:41:00.004-04:00

For my Global Women's Issues class, we are reading Global Woman: Nannies, Maids, and Sex Workers in the New Economy edited by the fabulous Barbara Ehrenreich and Arlie Russell Hochschild. Ehrenreich's article mostly discussed the franchise maid industry (Merry Maids, The Maids--for which Anna worked for a while, etc.), and there's a lot about live-in nannies, mostly immigrant women. These articles caused so many things to run through my mind, but two appeared in particular.

Maids and cleaning services are apparently on the rise like crazy. The square-footage of people's houses is huge, almost normally at a point at which they can't handle the care themselves. Enter The Maids (or whoever). Sorry ass wages that do not count driving time and ending clean-up time and basic anonymity to the clients who pay a ton per hour, ostensibly assuming that the workers get this money. Wrong. Cleaning is considered one of the lowest occupations on the ladder, though it is necessary. People assume you are uneducated and somehow dirty and unworthy of any respect if you work in these jobs. Having briefly worked as a housekeeper in a hotel, I know all about this. You mention you cleaned hotel rooms (or anything) and a look of pity and/or horror creeps into the other person's face. It's like they think they can catch poor...

The second thought was about Harriet the Spy. This has been one of my very favorite books since I was like 10. The Nickelodeon movie was good, but anyway...what made me think of it is Golly, Harriet's nanny. As a kid, you just think "wow, Golly is super cool" (even if she isn't supposed to look like Rosie O'Donnell, who plays her in the flick), and her mom kinda sucks. Thinking back, you see the ridiculous way she was fired. (She had been with the family since Harriet was born, and they fired her based on one incident, which was way overblown in the first place.) Then you see her visiting her mother, who was apparently mentally incapacitated in some way (cut out of the movie completely), and Golly only got to see her once in a while because of her hours with the Welsch's. It seems almost idyllic to a kid. Parents kinda distant to the point that they leave you alone and an awesome nanny to give cool advice and such. As an adult, you see how Golly was exploited and the issues surrounding live-in nannies, even if Golly was white...

just some thoughts....

We already know the back of the bus sucks...

2009-06-09T12:36:00.003-04:00

Recently I was castigated for saying that the LGBT community is treated as a group of second class citizens. Teh offended party (an extremely white man, btw) claimed that I was ridiculous for comparing gay people's problems with those of African Americans, which I never actually did. I find the aforementioned person unworthy of anymore personal replies, but I wanted to address this clearly if in a slightly disjointed way.

First, I recognize that African Americans (and all minorities actually) have suffered and still suffer many, many indignities to say the least. It is a long, painful, and complicated path to civil rights. I do not deny this. I applaud all the women and men who have worked so hard to ensure that their respective groups have the freedoms they deserve and desire.

Second, I will never retract or apologize for my use of the term "2nd class citizens". It is completely appropriate. The LGBT community faces evidence of this daily; trust me, I know.

A 2nd class citizen is someone who holds citizenship in a country but is denied rights considered basic based solely on membership in a group one does not choose to be a member of. (I know, I know...Most of our opponents maintain that gay is a choice. Well, whether you believe it or not, gay is genetic. I never chose who I was attracted to...I just was.) I am well aware that we can vote, etc., but what straight person do you know who doesn't consider love, marriage, and family a right? None that I know of.

The opposition's major claim is that civil unions are the same thing as marriage and that "marriage" is a religious institution. If this is true, explain why you need a license from the government for a marriage to be official. If "marriage" is only religious, the government would not be involved. As for the civil union thing, if they're the same thing, why don't straight people get them? Because they know they aren't the same. We are being handed the idea of a partnership that is separate and supposedly equal. Doesn't that sound familiar to anyone? We don't want separate but equal, we want motherfucking equal!!! End of discussion.

Sometimes I think it would have been easier to be an orphan...

2009-06-09T12:18:00.002-04:00

Those of you who know me, know that my family has been going through some weird shit with my grandmother. Basically, my uncle is useless and horrible and unfortunately the only relative close enough to care for Mema. Well, my mom got a call from children and family services in Talladega County saying that Mema is in their custody in a nice safe nursing home and there are pending charges of neglect and abuse against my idiot uncle. I am so pissed off right now! My mom has been trying to get someone up that way to help for at least a year now. In that time, my uncle has done Goddess only knows what that could have been prevented by someone simply stepping in where they are SUPPOSED to do so.

Anyway, there's a court hearing on the 19th, which my mom is going to attend. The judge will decide whether mom or my uncle Vance can be awarded custody or if she needs to be put in state custody, which would mean a nursing home, but at least she wouldn't be with William. I don't know what to hope for honestly. She doesn't have complete dementia, but the Alzheimer's is pretty bad. I know that mom would be able to take care of her; for crying out loud, she worked at nursing homes for years and years when she was a nurse. Goddess knows I would love to be able to see her more often, but she isn't the same Mema anymore. Part of me thinks that it might be better for her to be with Vance and Janice or even in a nice nursing home. That's partially incredibly selfish, I know...I also know that being around that loud ass house couldn't possibly be good for her either. It's like living in the monkey house at the damn zoo. Hell, I'm mostly sane, and my anxiety levels are through the roof in that place. I don't know. I hate this. No one should have to grow old and worry about these things, you know?

Roy Moore rises again, or why is it always Alabama?

2009-06-08T14:30:00.005-04:00

For those who do not know, I am originally from Alabama. Despite its many problems, I love my home state. It has some of the most beautiful land ever, not to mention most of our family and friends. But there are times when I am almost ashamed to even acknowledge my place of birth...one of those is when Roy Moore appears in the news. Roy Moore, also known as the 10 commandments judge, is best known for placing (and fighting to keep up) the ten commandments in his courtroom in Gadsden and a mammoth stone version of the same in the AL Supreme Court rotunda. (He was eventually forced to remove them both, thank goodness.) He failed once to get the Republican nomination for governor, but he's at it again. (I do have to give some credit, though: even the Republicans realize that the man is a psycho. For Jeebus' sake, James Dobson supports the guy...) The next election is 2010, at which time I will hopefully have been accepted to UA and will be eligible to vote against him IF he manages to get the nomination this time. Who knows, they may try it simply in a conservative backlash against the present presidential administration. I only hope that they have the good sense to deny him a second time. I will be forced to transfer grad schools if he gets elected.

Any state in which he basically has supreme power is not a state safe for anyone in the LGBT community. For example, he once removed a child from the home of her biological mother and her partner to give her to the father that had been accused of molesting her. The whole lesbian thing was apparently a much worse environment than daddy having his way with her on the dl. I don't know of any concrete examples of his stance on women and women's rights, but I can't imagine that they would be very promising given his supporters and very vocal EXTREME right leanings. So, women beware as well....

I will be following this as closely as possible. Stay tuned for more dispatches from the Alabamian in exile...

Here's an article at Religion Dispatches: "By the Way, "Ten Commandments Judge" to Be Alabama's Next Gov?"

ghost adventures season 2, episode 1: preston castle

2009-06-05T22:30:00.002-04:00

Season 2 of the fabulous travel channel show Ghost Adventures premiered tonight. Zac, Nick, and Aaron explored Preston Castle, a former juvenile detention center, near Ione, California. While I've never seen a bad GA episode, this one was exceptionally good (and exceptionally weird).

Other paranormal investigators reported crazy numbers of evp's and disembodied voices, and the guys weren't disappointed. One of the first incidents was a disembodied female voice before they'd even really started. But the clearest one came much later.

They all went into the basement, which is where the head housekeeper, Anna, was brutally murdered back in 1950. Aaron was scratched--3 big long scrapes down the back of his calf, one of which you practically watch form. Zac then begins acting truly bizarre, the apparent result of at least a partial possession, and sends Nick into the basement alone. His digital recorder picks up a VERY clear "...never again..." Zac's possession and some truly classic Aaron facial expressions made this episode awesome...

Okay, we've been waiting for the new season forever! I love these guys. Unlike Ghost Hunters, the sci-fi channel's pitiful excuse for competition, I've never watched this show and thought "oh wow was that fake". I can't wait to see the restof the season!

jeebus i'm old

2009-06-01T15:07:00.004-04:00

Yeah, so they university for some reason plays 80's music in the union food court and 90's music in the union courtyard. The other day, "Tootsee Roll" was playing, and I of course remember the words. So I was just bopping along with the music waiting on Meghan. This guy walks by talking to his friend and says, "Dude, do you remember this song? From the second grade!" Wow! I am that old. Since then I have been running this "When I was your age thing" in my head to amuse my enfeebled brain. And I will share because that's what blogging is all about--getting things out of your head that would otherwise gum up the works and make you crazy. :)

When I was your age/When I was little,

1. ...cell phones were big enough to be used as a weapon.
2. ...if we wanted to "jack" a song, we held a tape deck up to the radio.
3. ...Pluto was still a planet.
4. ...NKOTB were actually new and kids.
5. ..."Deborah" Gibson was known as Debbie and was not an actor.

I'm sure I'll think of more...and feel free to add some yourself fellow old people lol

book life 8: the beginning of a plan...

2009-05-25T23:04:00.004-04:00

I am straight-up jacking this idea from editorial ass ( Project Fill-in-the-Gaps)...there are so many books that I want to read, and if I don't set myself on some sort of schedule, I never will. the list is forthcoming...translation: I haven't started it yet. I will though. Swear.

We poor people are pissed off for a reason...and here it is

2009-05-21T23:38:00.006-04:00

Courtesy of my more-well-read-in-news-than-I friend Meghan, there's this article on poverty in America:

The High Cost of Poverty: Why the Poor Pay More

I definitely agree with Meg's facebook posting note: "read this. and then reread it and reread it and reread it and forward it to anyone you know who does not understand what it means to be poor." There are soooo many people running around just fsu that have no clue whatsoever what the true meaning of poor is. They think that poor means being unable to go shopping every weekend. I would not wish poverty on anyone, but they should at least have to really learn what it means to be truly poor. And this is not a phenomenon limited to spoiled college kids. Unfortunately, most adults have no real idea either. Until everyone understands this, there is no hope for any substantial and lasting help for people living in poverty or near poverty. And Goddess knows it is needed.

For those of us who are or ever were in the category "poor" or "near poor", this article is nothing new. What is so sad to me is that all of this needed explaining at all. I know that many people never grew up wondering if the lights were going to be cut off or if the rent had been late enough times that you'd be moving again soon, but one misguidedly hoped that as people got older, they saw the true face of the bulk of the U.S. Apparently not. My only serious critique of the article is that it, like almost everything in this subject, is focused on the urban poor, who in some cases actually have much better options than the rural poor ever hoped to have. Rural poverty is overlooked all the time, and as someone who calls a rural area well below the poverty line home, this disturbs me. Look into it people...you might be surprised.

where we can all buy furniture

2009-05-21T21:49:00.005-04:00

Just as an interesting diversion, you really must go watch this:

At the reeeed house

It's a commercial for a furniture store in High Point, North Carolina, and the theme song is literally "At the Red House...Where black people and white people buy furniture." This thing is hilarious! And what's the funniest thing is that it's a REAL commercial. It almost makes me wish I lived in North Carolina so I could go to this store. There are apparently t-shirts available somewhere, ostensibly for black people and white people lol...You know, I think this is exactly what Martin Luther King Jr. was talking about in "I Have a Dream".

ocd and me, or jerkface does the museum

2009-05-21T11:36:00.002-04:00

So, Emily and Brandy decided to come down to Tallahassee and get us rather than us driving home in a rental. A fabulous lesbian mafia jamboree reunion was had by all, and we decided to go to the Tallahassee Junior Museum Wednesday morning. Anna and I have been there twice and love it. The animals are awesome, and the scenery is beautiful. Well, near the beginning of the trail, it splits off two ways, which are actually just the two ends of a big loop that takes you around to all the animals. In my universe, the one ruled by the evil king ocd, you must always travel a circle from left to right, or clockwise. (After all, they wouldn’t have named it counterclockwise if it weren’t counter to how you are supposed to do things, now would they?) As Anna and I always do, we missed the trail turn and ended up back at the beginning, so the four of us had to schlep back to the loop. Brandy went to the right past the incredibly adorable otters, and everyone followed suit--except jerkface the magnificent psycho (that’s me, by the way). I could not bring myself to step onto the boardwalk headed that way. I literally felt a panic attack welling up and started crying at the thought of having to go that way. So, because everyone had already trekked that way, I walked the path clockwise by myself. Anna offered to go that way with me, but wasn’t it already bad enough that I was so crazy as to not be able to walk with Em and Brandy? I wasn’t gonna create more mess, so I went alone. It isn’t a long walk, but that isn’t the point. I couldn’t make myself walk the freakin’ boardwalk from right to left. Something that simple and ridiculous.

The problem is that the only solution I can come up with is medication, and I don’t really want to do that. The last time I took Zoloft I felt twice as crazy as when I didn’t. I did get a lot of cleaning done though…Not to mention the side effects that I have heard horror stories about, especially if you get off the meds. Behavior modification therapy and therapy in general are not exactly the direction in which I feel I want to go. So what the hell am I supposed to do? There isn’t really a lesser of the two evils, honestly. I either deal with chemicals everyday, which aggravates and worries the crap outta me. This is not totally related to my ocd chemical thing…more of a distrust of the entire medical profession and pharmaceutical industry in general. I mean, I’m not going all Tom Cruise-Christian Science or anything. I still take ibuprofen and vitamins and stuff, but the idea of taking a mood-altering substance every single day for what would probably be the rest of my natural life is unsettling to say the least. There is also the problem of not really feeling like myself while on the meds. Now, it could be that I am just so used to feeling crazy that normality in my brain was bizarre and that’s what caused it, but I dunno. Yesterday was a pretty bad ocd day, and they seem to be getting closer together. All I do know is that I’m not sure how much longer I can deal with this.

Multicultural Musings

2009-05-20T09:14:00.002-04:00

This summer in addition to the aggravating Spanish class, I am also taking Global Women's Issues with one of my favorite professors. In reading the first couple of chapters for this week's class, I came across a discussion that is stuck in my head--multiculturalism. I have no problem with the base theory. I do think that other cultures need to be viewed in their own context without the imperialist biases of our own society. But I must agree with Ayaan Hirsi Ali's critique of multiculturalism at least in part. Accepting it completely allows turning a blind eye to certain practices simply because they're traditional or cultural.

I started thinking of this because of the recent development in Sweden (see earlier post: "yo, Sweden, wtf?!"), which Anna and I have been sort of debating over the last few days. Quite rightly, she says that by denying sex-selective abortions, you open the door to denial of all abortions. This is very true. However, I don't think that a liberal, pro-choice society has to accept them as valid just because we are a liberal, pro-choice society. Human rights are never negotiable. This is the line we have been repeating to the rest of the world for years, and it is unconscionable that we would ignore this in our own societies at the same time we are promoting it in others. Just a thought...

Book Life 7: Beam Me Up, Chocolate, Armageddon, and OCD in Paris

2009-05-20T08:53:00.002-04:00

I won’t say a lot about these books--just random observations mostly--but they were all fabulous.

Mr. Monk is Miserable by Lee Goldberg

It should come as no surprise that I love Monk--both the show and the books. The producers do a better-than-average job portraying his ocd and how it can affect his life. There have been bad guys that got away (at least initially) because of various obsessive compulsive intrusions, for example. I would recommend these books to anyone who loves monk or mysteries--awesome on both counts. This one has Monk and Natalie in Paris and has some awesome tangents into the city's sights and subcultures.

Star Trek: The Next Generation Resistance by J.M. Dillard

Trekkie alert (and no I do not think that Trekker is a better name, nor do I think Trekkie is derogatory): ) I love all Star Trek books, fiction or not. I have a greater affinity for TNG-based (The Next Generation, for those out of the loop) plots, but all are welcome on my shelves. I also have a thing for Borg plotlines, which this one happened to have. All the Trekkies/Trekkers know that Capt. Picard was briefly assimilated at some point, and this book uses that extensively. Great read, but then aren’t they all?

Star Trek Destiny: Book I, Gods of Night by David Mack

For those who don’t like books that jump back and forth from plot to plot, this isn’t for you. Not only does this one jump from plot to plot (though they are ultimately all linked), it jumps back and forth hundreds of years in time. I happen to have no problem with these plot devices and loved this book. The Federation is in the midst of a Borg War (in Picard’s time), and an interesting parallel story develops through the past into Picard and Riker’s time. There is also an upsetting development with Riker and Troi (who are now on the Titan). My main HUGE problem with this book is that it’s part of a trilogy, and I couldn’t afford to buy all three when I bought this one. It ends pretty bluntly, so if you pick this book up, buy the other 2 at the same time if you can. Otherwise, you are gonna be pissed on that last page. (Book 2-Mere Mortals, Book 3-Lost Souls).

I’m Perfect, You’re Doomed: Tales from a Jehovah’s Witness Upbringing by Kyria Abrahams

Given that I am spending half of my time in college studying it, it isn’t a shocker that I’m interested in religion. I’ll read memoirs all day long, especially if they’re no longer part of the religion. But I was particularly interested in this one because my wife’s family is Jehovah’s Witness. I have been to a Kingdom Hall, people, and I tell you now that it is effin WEIRD. Anna verified many of the stranger tidbits in the book, and I still have trouble believing some of it. It is all very true, however unfortunate that may be. A great aside in the narrative was Kyria’s ocd. I really wish she would have gone further into it and maybe explored the link between her religion and the ocd, but still, interesting.

Candyfreak: A Journey Through the Chocolate Underbelly of America by Steve Almond

Unlike most of the food books I read, this one didn't make me afraid to eat things. Almond is a self-professed candyfreak who travels the country in search of the history of some of his and America's favorite candies. I have never heard of a lot of them, as candy is stilll a much more regional thing than I thought. He also discusses how the big conglomerate candy companies are running the mom-and-pop operations out of business or at least absorbing them. Fabulous read, especially if you are as obsessed with food and food history as I am.

yo, sweden, WTF!?

2009-05-17T17:51:00.002-04:00

I have taken to reading the Huffington Post through their fabulous app on the iphone. Today, I stumbled across this: "Sweden legalizes gender-based abortion". It's actually from babble.com, and as it is not very long, here it is:

Don’t like Your Baby’s Gender? Sweden Rules 'Gender-Based' Abortion Legal
Posted by Cole Gamble
Now, according to a Swedish medical ruling, if a mother or couple discover the gender of their baby and decide “that’s not what we were hoping for” they can get an abortion on that basis.
Here’s how it broke down. A Swedish mother of two girls requested two abortions in a row after learning the gender of her fetus. It became apparent to doctors her decision to abort was based on the discovery of gender, which obviously was not the one she was aiming for. Doctors at Mälaren Hospital expressed concern and asked Sweden’s National Board of Health and Welfare to draw up guidelines on how to handle requests in the future in which they "feel pressured to examine the fetus’s gender" without having a medically compelling reason to do so.
The board found such requests cannot be refused, and neither can abortions, thus medical staff cannot refuse to perform an abortion based on gender.
Now the idea of isolating a “gay” gene in fetuses and therefore “eliminating” it has been bandied about by rather tacky political pundits. But before we get to that moral maelstrom, pick-and-choose baby gender is already here. Sure, the day when doctors can fudge your baby’s DNA to increase the probability of a boy or girl is possibly coming sooner than later, but for now, if you don’t like what you got, scrap it and start again.
Does this already happen discreetly in America? I can’t imagine anyone would ever openly admit to their doctor or otherwise that they want to abort the baby because “I really had my heart set on a girl” but that doesn’t mean it isn’t happening. Do you think this is more common that people are admitting?

Okay, so women's studies majors and feminists worldwide have been arguing for YEARS against this very practice in India, China, and other "non-Western" nations who are supposedly not as "enlightened" as we are. Now, Sweden has gone and fucked the curve. No self-respecting "western" feminist can talk to gender-based abortionists from any sort of high ground any longer. One of our own has gone to the dark side.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am pro-choice to the hilt. Whether you wish to terminate your pregnancy because it is a health risk, the result of a rape, or simply because you know full well you can't raise a child right now, I will walk you through the clinic doors. But there is a limit to everything, and this is it. I understand that this legalization would make it just as easy for someone to abort a boy as a girl, but...What started this was a woman who had two abortions because she didn't want another GIRL. I am all for the rights of the woman first, but where does common sense begin? As a pro-choice feminist, it's hard to talk about something that would in all technicality limit abortion rights, but if this is wrong for women in India or China or wherever, it is wrong for women in Sweden. The argument is that they do it because of how their societies devalue women, but just what do you think is the reasoning of a woman in Sweden? The "West" may have slightly better views of women, but that does not equal truly valuing them. And this just proves it.

duct tape those puppies down: a response to the modesty survey travesty

2009-05-15T12:42:00.004-04:00

So, my dear friend Meghan sent me this link : the rebelution modesty survey a while ago, and I finally got around to digging through it. Basically, it was a survey given to Christians about what constitutes modesty and what constitutes a "stumbling block" (an obstacle to one's faith). They called it "an exciting, anonymous discussion between Christian guys and girls who care about modesty". I call it a hot mess. Let me first say that I do not think this survey is a crock because it promotes not dressing like a skank. I myself do not care for the skank phenomenon among young women just on personal taste. This could be due to the fact that I was raised by an older woman from the hills of Alabama. I don't know, but I digress. My issues with the survey stem from something much different...

Exhibit 1, a 24-year-old's response to the open question, "If you could say one thing to your sisters in Christ about modesty, what would it be?": "Sisters in Christ, you really have no concept of the struggles that guys face on a daily basis. Please, please, please take a higher standard in the ways you dress. True, we men are responsible for our thoughts and actions before the Lord, but it is such a blessing when we know that we can spend time with our sisters in Christ, enjoying their fellowship without having to constantly be on guard against ungodly thoughts brought about by the inappropriate ways they sometimes dress. In 1 Corinthians 12 the apostle Paul presents believers as the members of one body - we have to work together. Every Christian has a special role to play in the body of Christ. That goal is to bring glory to the Savior through an obedient, unified body of believers - please don't hurt that unity by dressing in ways that may tempt your brothers in Christ to stumble."

Honestly, I don't think a detailed response is necessary for anyone with any good sense, but here goes: WTF! So, even though the guys are ultimately responsible for their thoughts and actions before God, it is STILL the woman's responsibility to make sure he doesn't find her attractive in the least. Some may say to this first example, "well, dressing skankish is a bit wrong for a good Christian girl"...okay...

Exhibit 2, "It is a stumbling block when a girl reaches into her shirt to adjust a bra strap." You try wearing one of these things all day and see if you don't need to adjust. We're not talking about reaching down the front of your shirt to adjust the girls in their respective cups...just reaching into the shoulder of a shirt to adjust the strap is a problem.

Exhibit 3, "Showing bra straps, even unintentionally, is a stumbling block." I will admit that I don't like seeing bra straps, not because I think it's "immodest", but just because I don't like it. But they aren't talking the intentional use of a regular bra under a racer back tank top. They include the accidental showing of a strap. Things like this actually have very little to do with being "sexy" or anything of the sort. This is a ridiculous regulation designed to keep women constantly worried that they are being a "stumbling block" to someone. You can't worry your pretty little head about individual freedom if you're freaking out about bra straps.

Exhibit 4, "Seeing a girl's chest bounce when she is walking or running is a stumbling block." I don't know if these people understand the female physique very well, but the girls move when you freakin breathe! Let alone when you walk. If your chest is large, there is not a lot you can do to hold it down all the time. There are bras that help a lot, but short of duct tape a la christina ricci in now and then, they are not going to stay put one hundred percent of the time. Why don't they just suggest double mastectomies at baptism and get it over with.

And finally, a few of the ones that made my jaw drop with consternation:
*"It is a stumbling block to see a girl lying down, even if she's just hanging out on the floor or on the couch with he friends." I wonder if it's a stumbling block if they're in a hospital bed?
*"Nude colored nylons are a stumbling block." But it is also a stumbling block to wear skirts that show the calves, so ankles are apparently uber-sexy...can't even look at them through panythose...
*"Skirts made out of many layers of semi-transparent material to form an opaque skirt are a stumbling block, regardless of length." but...it's opaque...what the hell, man...is it the dance of the seven veils thing or what...
*"Jeans are generally immmodest even of they aren't tight." I dare them to tell me that huge baggy jeans are immodest...prove it, seriously.

I will leave the rest for you to discover, but I think you get the idea...None of this is really about women's faith. It's about men not wanting to be held repsonsible for their own thoughts and actions. This is unfortunately not found only in the Christian community. Any time a woman is raped, her clothing, location, and purpose in being in that location are autmatically called into question...it would not surprise me in the least to find that a majority of men who think along the lines of this survey argue that it is a woman's fault if she is raped. After all, she may have been wearing jeans...

wtf phizer

2009-05-14T16:00:00.002-04:00

okay so phizer is going to provide about 70 of its prescription drugs for free to people who have lost their jobs and insurance. this is a great idea. what pisses me off is that viagra is one of them...would they be providing birth control? i think not...wtf

bloggity blog on the go

2009-05-09T22:44:00.001-04:00

i just got a blog app for the iphone, so we'll see if that means i blog more often or not...