Why We're Fighting

Some days, days like today, all I want to do is curl up on my couch and cry and hide and hug my wife.  Apparently in Missouri, a gay man was arrested for trying to see his partner in the hospital.  The sick man's family didn't want him there, and the nurse refused to look at the power of attorney papers they had.  He was handcuffed and removed from the hospital.  Now he can't return at all because the hospital has placed him under a restraining order.  You can read the full story here.

I am constantly told by straight people, both ally and enemy to the gay community, that full marriage is not required.  That we have the capability of being just as protected as any hetero couple out there if we just have the correct legal papers in order.  Well, here's a newsflash for those who agree with that idea:

THEY HAD THE LEGAL PAPERS IN ORDER.

One more time in case you didn't quite understand:

THEY HAD THE FUCKING PAPERS IN ORDER AND STILL WERE NOT PROTECTED.

Regardless of the fact that Obama signed something "guaranteeing" that we would not have to deal with situations like this, apparently we still do.  Full legal marriage would prevent things like this.  A stack of papers "simulating" marital status does not.  This poor man just wanted to see his partner, who was lying sick in the hospital, probably just wondering where his partner was.  There is no telling what the stupid family told him about the absence.  They were obviously not the most supportive of the relationship from what I can tell.

THIS is why we keep fighting for marriage. Not civil unions or domestic partnerships, but full, protected marriage.  Yes, we take these lesser items when offered because any protection is better than none at all.  I will sure as hell be in line May 1 when Leon County, Florida starts letting us register as domestic partners.  We need the protection.  Just last year my partner had to have a surgical procedure, and I damn near gave myself an ulcer being terrified and worried that if (Goddess forbid) something happened I would be denied access and decision making ability.  That her family, which is 6 hours away and Jehovah's Witness affiliated, would be the only ones allowed to choose what happened.  I live my life this terrified.  What if I get hurt at work or somewhere, and they don't let her in to see me or make decisions for me?  What if...what if...what if... 

I'm tired as hell of living life terrified.  I decided long ago that my orientation and relationship were not secrets to be hidden.  I have not once changed a pronoun or deferred a conversation because I was worried about the consequences.  I am proud to be who I am, and I am certainly proud to be with my awesome wife of 15 years.  She's amazing and beautiful and brilliant and wonderfully geeky, but my pride will not protect us.  It will not grant either of us the power to control decisions if the worst happens.  And apparently neither will those papers of approximation. Think about that the next time you want to tell me a union or partnership or talk with a lawyer will be enough.    

Waxing Poetic the Sixth, Poetry Month, Day 5: I Do

As a poet, I never think I've written about certain aspects of my life enough. My OCD is one of these, but I have at least done some nonfiction and blogging about it. The lesbian aspect of my identity has not appeared nearly as much in my writing, which is why I am particularly excited about my newest news. I've never done a public reading at an open mic or anything. The closest I've come is reading a poem at our friend Violeta's memorial service. Buuuuut...during this year's Pride celebration, I'll be reading with 5 other local LGBT writers! I'm really excited (and a bit scared), and I wrote two new poems specifically addressing my lesbian identity, or at least the growing up with it. I think they're pretty good, but we'll see how they go over on the 18th.

In the meantime, today's selection is from the awesome lesbian poet and activist Andrea Gibson. FSU's Pride Student Union is hosting her on campus on the 14th, and she is going to be amazing. This is "I Do," which is beautiful and heartbreaking and well, here it is:

One down, too many to go...

Today Chief U.S. District Judge Vaughn Walker overturned California's Prop 8, declaring that it

"the gay marriage ban violates the Constitution's due process and equal protection clauses while failing "to advance any rational basis in singling out gay men and lesbians for denial of a marriage license...Indeed, the evidence shows Proposition 8 does nothing more than enshrine in the California Constitution the notion that opposite-sex couples are superior to same-sex couples," the judge wrote in his 136-page ruling." (from the Yahoo News article, from which the picture is also taken).

My first reaction is a crazy dance around my living room, all-caps responses to the texts alerting me, and a facebook status filled with many, many exclamation points. This is amazing news!! After all, if the California ban can be shot down by the Constitution, all the others can too, right? I hope so. But I have learned in this fight that it is never a good idea to assume anything...I assumed Florida voters would have enough sense not to pass Amendment 2. I assumed that humans would have more sense and sympathy for their fellow creatures not to protest and say nasty things at funerals. On both counts, I was sadly mistaken.

However, as incredibly sad and beaten-down as I feel everyday about these things, I am given hope today by Judge Walker. SOMEONE sees that we are not trying to destroy anything; all we're doing is trying to build lives and protect those we love, to make those shiny rings on our left hands a true symbol of solidity. Thank you Judge Walker.

Now, please excuse me while I dance!

Dear Anne Rice: An Open Letter to Someone I Used to Love

Okay, we all know that I am a huge book geek...speaking materially, books are my favorite thing on earth. There are some books I love so very much that I have read them over and over and over again--The Vampire Chronicles by Anne Rice are in this category. I have a (possibly) unnatural attachment to lestat, and i have read his adventures ad infinitum. In fact, the quote Ihave tattooed on my arm is from something I wrote that grew out of a quote from Tale of the Body Thief. The Chronicles are books I will always have copies of...

Naturally, I also became a huge fan of their creator. Anne Rrice has been among my favorite authors since I first read Interview with the Vampire. I stuck with her after she announced that Blood Canticle would be Lestat's final adventure. I bought the first Jesus book hesitantly, but since I'm a religion geek, I went with it. It actually isn't bad. I had no intentions of reading her new christian endeavor, Angel Time, but still, whatever, Anne.

So, wtf is this blog about, you ask...about 20 minutes ago, I found out that Anne, the mother of my beloved Lestat, granted an interview with The 700 Club, home to one of the most ridiculously evil men on the planet--Pat Robertson. Over the years, this man has blamed 9/11, hurricane Katrina, and now the Haiti disaster on the gay community and assorted nonbelievers. He was once quoted, on the very show that conducted Anne's interview, as saying that AIDS is his god's way of controlling the gay population.

Now, first let me say that it is not Anne's reversion to Christianity that is the problem. As long as you are harming none, I say, whatever gets you through the day. What is the problem is her total disregard for quite a large portion of her loyal fans--the gay community. The Vampire Chronicles, whether intentionally or not, have a way of making people of minority social groups feel not so alone or bad. I don't have the energy to analyze that right now, but suffice it to say that this is true. Not only that, but her son is gay. Further, she called New Orleans home (for herself and multiple characters) for many years, and it's incredibly insensitive to Nola to appear on this show.

I can't say that I will stop rereading the Chronicles, because I think that there's too much beauty and awesomeness in them to do that. But though I'm sure she could care less about one little fan, I am no longer one of hers. Lestat will always be one of my favorite characters of all time, but his creator has abandoned us to the dark side. She speaks now of her older work as the "darkness" she was "called out of", but I think that maybe she has it backwards. The darkness has called her out of the accepting and beautiful world she once inhabited. I am mourning for this betrayal and hope that she sees what terrible things this seemingly insignificant interview means to some of us...

The High Price of Being Gay...a commentary on the NYTimes

NYTimes article

Okay, so I read this article this morning through a blog I frequent. In theory, I love that they took the time to run all these numbers and show the world the financial hardships associated with being a non-existent couple. Health insurance, taxes, etc...they covered it. BUT I have an issue with their calculations. They based the numbers on a best-case and a worst-case scenario: best--both partners make $70,000 a year, worst--one makes $110,000 and the other makes $30,000. While they say that these are based on averages in the three states most full of gayness (California, Florida, and New York) for college-educated couples in their 30s-40s raising kids under 18, I would have to venture a guess and say that a segment of the gay population lucky enough to be making gobs of money skewed those averages. None of the gay couples I know make anywhere near that amount of money. What I would like to see is an analysis of the problems of gay couples living in near-poverty or at least in low-income circumstances. You get into a whole 'nother set of problems there--none of which I am sure they examined....i'm just saying...

Rest in Peace E. Lynn Harris

We were in Harry Potter all morning (it's a long movie!), so I just found out about E. Lynn Harris' death a couple of hours ago. For those who don't know, Harris was a fabulous openly gay African-American author known for tackling difficult topics like homophobia, religion, bisexuality, and men on the down low in the Black community. He was hugely popular, and his books were often found in the African American section as opposed to just the LGBT section, which I always thought was awesome because it probably meant more people read his books than might have otherwise. It also meant that stores like Wal-Mart (yeah, I know, evil, but...)carried them, which made them available to people in small towns that may not have had access to a bookstore or a library that stocked them (like Thomasville, AL, where I got one of his late books). His eleventh book, Basketball Jones, was published earlier this year, and he was on tour promoting it when he had a heart attack. The last time a writer's passing affected me this much was Kurt Vonnegut...so, you may be asking, why would a non-Black girl from Alabama love E. Lynn Harris so much?

I will admit that I haven't kept up with his books over the last couple of years. They make my to-read list, but lack of time has made that list very long. His first novel, Invisible Life, was the first gay book I ever read. I was fourteen years old, crazy religious, and just realizing I was gay when I stumbled on Invisible Life in my little small town library. At the time, I was still convinced that I was going to hell because I liked girls. You cannot imagine how comforting it was to live in Harris' characters' lives for a while. They were gay and bisexual and struggling with what the world and their families would think. They were so real to me. It took a few more years after reading it before I finally accepted myself, but I always carried the memory of that book with me. To this day, I can still remember what the cover looked like and exactly where it was on the shelf. Almost every stamp on the library card was mine. What's crazy is I don't think I reread it that many times. Sometimes, I would check it out just to have it. I guess it was comforting in some way to have proof that I wasn't alone in my struggle.

I wish that I had written or emailed him to let him know how much I loved his books years ago. Well, thanks E. Lynn, wherever you are...

E. Lynn Harris.com

We already know the back of the bus sucks...

Recently I was castigated for saying that the LGBT community is treated as a group of second class citizens. Teh offended party (an extremely white man, btw) claimed that I was ridiculous for comparing gay people's problems with those of African Americans, which I never actually did. I find the aforementioned person unworthy of anymore personal replies, but I wanted to address this clearly if in a slightly disjointed way.

First, I recognize that African Americans (and all minorities actually) have suffered and still suffer many, many indignities to say the least. It is a long, painful, and complicated path to civil rights. I do not deny this. I applaud all the women and men who have worked so hard to ensure that their respective groups have the freedoms they deserve and desire.

Second, I will never retract or apologize for my use of the term "2nd class citizens". It is completely appropriate. The LGBT community faces evidence of this daily; trust me, I know.

A 2nd class citizen is someone who holds citizenship in a country but is denied rights considered basic based solely on membership in a group one does not choose to be a member of. (I know, I know...Most of our opponents maintain that gay is a choice. Well, whether you believe it or not, gay is genetic. I never chose who I was attracted to...I just was.) I am well aware that we can vote, etc., but what straight person do you know who doesn't consider love, marriage, and family a right? None that I know of.

The opposition's major claim is that civil unions are the same thing as marriage and that "marriage" is a religious institution. If this is true, explain why you need a license from the government for a marriage to be official. If "marriage" is only religious, the government would not be involved. As for the civil union thing, if they're the same thing, why don't straight people get them? Because they know they aren't the same. We are being handed the idea of a partnership that is separate and supposedly equal. Doesn't that sound familiar to anyone? We don't want separate but equal, we want motherfucking equal!!! End of discussion.

Roy Moore rises again, or why is it always Alabama?

For those who do not know, I am originally from Alabama. Despite its many problems, I love my home state. It has some of the most beautiful land ever, not to mention most of our family and friends. But there are times when I am almost ashamed to even acknowledge my place of birth...one of those is when Roy Moore appears in the news. Roy Moore, also known as the 10 commandments judge, is best known for placing (and fighting to keep up) the ten commandments in his courtroom in Gadsden and a mammoth stone version of the same in the AL Supreme Court rotunda. (He was eventually forced to remove them both, thank goodness.) He failed once to get the Republican nomination for governor, but he's at it again. (I do have to give some credit, though: even the Republicans realize that the man is a psycho. For Jeebus' sake, James Dobson supports the guy...) The next election is 2010, at which time I will hopefully have been accepted to UA and will be eligible to vote against him IF he manages to get the nomination this time. Who knows, they may try it simply in a conservative backlash against the present presidential administration. I only hope that they have the good sense to deny him a second time. I will be forced to transfer grad schools if he gets elected.

Any state in which he basically has supreme power is not a state safe for anyone in the LGBT community. For example, he once removed a child from the home of her biological mother and her partner to give her to the father that had been accused of molesting her. The whole lesbian thing was apparently a much worse environment than daddy having his way with her on the dl. I don't know of any concrete examples of his stance on women and women's rights, but I can't imagine that they would be very promising given his supporters and very vocal EXTREME right leanings. So, women beware as well....

I will be following this as closely as possible. Stay tuned for more dispatches from the Alabamian in exile...

Here's an article at Religion Dispatches: "By the Way, "Ten Commandments Judge" to Be Alabama's Next Gov?"

Are you kidding me?

Late at night on the local channels, there are commercials for local phone dating lines and sites. While Quest and OnlineBootyCall.com are icky enough as it is, there is a new low in strange and fucked up dating services--enter AshleyMadison.com. The commercial opens with a women sitting in a restaurant with a man. The voiceover asks if you have ever been on a terrible blind date and then says "what if it lasted forever?". The man mimes her getting fat from dessert and gets up to go, saying "happy anniversary". The woman begins making eyes at a guy at the bar and the logo comes up, "AshleyMadison.com, when divorce is not an option".

Okay, let me lay this out for you...there is a website devoted entirely to setting up married women with affairs, apparently this is okay enough that there's nightly commercials. AND ANNA AND I CAN'T GET MARRIED. Someone please explain this to me. The right-wing morons claim that allowing gay people to marry will destroy the sanctity of marriage. And what exactly does this Ashley Madison thing do? Exalt it? I will spare you the ten page ranting and cussing about the complete idiocy of this situation...it would be redundant. They do it for me.

gay with ocd...does that mean you're fabulously organized?

So, in reading some comments on an earlier blog (which, forgive me, I did not even know existed for a few weeks after they were posted), I noticed someone had asked me to talk about being gay with OCD…That was in February. I’ve been pondering the connection in my life and if there even is one since then. While this will not in any way be a definitive or exhaustive answer and certainly not representative of all or even some lesbian OCD’s, inquiring minds wanted to know…

I have had OCD since I was a small child. The counting and ordering have been around since at least the age of 4 or 5, and I can remember being absolutely panicked when certain routines were interrupted--more so than just your random little kid. It got progressively worse for a while, and there were times when it waned. During times of crisis, it could be nearly unbearable, but either my family was incredibly inattentive or just didn’t care because no one ever really noticed. They did love that they never had to tell me to do my homework or clean my room…

Around the age of 11 or 12, I realized that I was looking at girls the way I was “supposed” to be looking at guys. Being raised in the extremely religious Deep South, this lead to what is so far the worst period of my OCD--the near six year stretch of scrupulosity and intensification of my other symptoms as well. (In case you are unfamiliar with the term, scrupulosity is basically religion-specific OCD.) And of course, as an aside, this was also the worst stretch of my depression, complete with a couple of half-assed suicide attempts. Some would say that it wasn’t scrupulosity but just hyper-piety. But I can tell you that there is a very distinct difference between the two…and I had scrupulosity. I spent most of my teen years poring over my youth bible and absorbing evangelical and pentecostal hate speech like oxygen. I made time schedules down to the minute--when to pray, shower, read the bible, eat, do homework, you name it. TV was whittled down to some very specific times and shows. In retrospect, I can see that all of this was to make sure that I didn’t have time to think about girls in any way whatsoever. I drove one of my closest friends, who was already out, absolutely nuts trying to save his soul from what I was sure was the eternal damnation we were going to share. I cannot tell you how many times I was saved. (I call it being the terminally redeemed) Each time I would feel so much better and cleaner, if that makes sense, but then I would begin having the “bad thoughts“ again, and I would need another booster shot of the holy spirit so to speak…but around 17, I thankfully finally accepted that I am gay and there’s nothing wrong with that. The scrupulosity faded away, and I became Pagan. Then I just had the regular OCD with which to contend.

So, what the hell is the point of all that? To tell you the truth, I’m not entirely sure. Denying my sexuality to myself and everyone else helped cause one of the worst times of my life, but that isn’t unusual and not specific to gay people with OCD. What impact does the one have on the other now? I am constantly aware of what compulsions I am doing in public, because I don’t want to look crazy (although I’m sure the very panicked look in my eyes when I suppress the compulsions makes me look really sane). And I think that in that is some desire to make my little lesbian life look as normal as possible. The public at large think we are some sort of strange race sent down from another planet with no resemblance to them or their lives at all. In my mind, it’s like, if I can somehow convince them that gay peoples’ lives are just like theirs, maybe we’ll gain an ally or two. Obvious crazy people actions will not assist in this. This is not an entirely reasonable thought though much more sane than many of my theories. It probably makes some symptoms of my OCD worse to concentrate so hard on concealing them, and looks very much like the hiding-the-lesbian-inside thing from earlier.

I am still working through the connections between my OCD and my gayness. This was likely not very coherent, but not much of what rattles freeform in my brain is. I would be very interested in hearing other gay OCD’s talk about the connection in their lives. so, please, if any of you are reading this, feel free to comment or email me…my inquiring mind would love to know…

the flaming liberal weighs in

I will be the first to admit that I am not the most politically savvy person, hence the reason I am a women’s studies/religion major and nota political science major. I also do not follow the news as closely as I probably should. When something seems particularly important or I happen to catch something that pisses me off inordinately much, whoever follows me generally knows it. But in general, I do not take up blog space with much political commentary. I am about to make an exception. Kathleen, my apparently much more politically aware friend, tagged me in a face book note, and I shall respond. (To read the original note, go to www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=92822465849 )

It is no big secret or surprise that I voted for Obama. At the very least, he was the lesser of two evils, and at best, I thought he might possibly make good on at least a few promises. (Of course, anyone with half a brain cell functioning should realize that no politician does everything s/he says s/he will do while on the campaign trail.) I am under no delusion that he will actually do a great deal to improve my immediate situation in which I find myself classified basically as a second-class citizen. However, I must agree with Kathleen on at least one point.

From the moment Obama chose Rick Warren to pray at the inauguration, I felt trouble brewing. Rick Warren is an odious creature I have not one positive comment about, and I will therefore continue on my way. I will say that it was a huge slap in the face to the glbt community, much of which backed Obama from day one, to have someone so opposed to our welfare presenting anything significant at any government function. He also, as Kathleen pointed out, has not even made mention of the atrocity known as the defense of marriage act. I never believed he would walk in and throw same-sex marriage at congress on day two, but bare minimum, I did expect some sort of civil union talk by now.

In short, I am still hopeful about the Obama administration. Michelle planted a vegetable garden at the white house and refused the agri-business suggestion of chemicals--pure organic, baby. I heard he replaced some government vehicles with hybrids. But on the issues closest to my interests, he has yet to show much promise. All the gay community can do now is watch and wait…

Book Life 1: The Tale of the Renaissance Lesbian Nun

Immodest Acts: The Life of a Lesbian Nun in Renaissance Italy by Judith C. Brown

I have been wanting this book since I came across it randomly mentioned in another book, for obvious reasons. My lifelong obsession with religion and asceticism combined with lesbian life in the Renaissance…who could ask for more.

In any case, the book was fabulous. Brown reconstructed the tale of Benedetta Carlini from documents she found in a miscellaneous file while researching another topic in Italian history. Sister Benedetta went to the convent at age 9, which was not that unusual then, and went on to establish herself as a mystic for a time. She would have visions of Jesus and various saints who sometimes spoke through her. She claimed to have literally exchanged hearts with Christ (which was not an unusual thing for female mystics in that era) and was married to Christ in a ceremony whose decorations, guests, and components were supposedly dictated to her by Jesus himself. She received the stigmata and a pale yellow wedding ring appeared on her finger.

Several inconsistencies and unusual pieces of the visions and actions of Benedetta drew an inquiry from the Church, and it was decided that she was a fraud. The Church took the more ecclesiastic route and declared her deceived by the Devil. The most interesting information that surfaced during the investigation did not precisely have to do with the divine or diabolical nature of the visions, however. When she began having visions and trance states, Benedetta was assigned a companion nun, Bartolomea, to stay near her to assist when these things occurred. In the second inquiry, Bartolomea revealed that she had been forced to partake in “lewd” activities with Benedetta, who was supposedly being used for the purpose by Splenditello, an angel that guarded Sister Benedetta for Jesus. Splenditello told Bartolomea that he wished for her to be his beloved and that what they were doing was not sinful (ostensibly since he was an angel sent by God and Benedetta had no idea what he was doing). Benedetta denied knowledge of the many, many, many occurrences (every night and during nearly every day for years), which would fit with her insistence that she was channeling Splenditello and not doing these things herself. However, in my opinion, the way in which Bartolomea described the whole encounter leads me to believe that it was a mutual relationship, and the two of them were simply doing what they had to do to prevent being burned at the stake (the likely punishment had they been discovered to have done these things willingly). One can’t really fault them for it, given the time period.

Brown discusses the Renaissance beliefs about sexual misconduct in the introduction as well as extensively in footnotes and the epilogue. What is fascinating is that the punishments handed out to “lesbian” offenders were generally harsher and more aimed at women who defied norms of gendered living rather than the sexual act itself. For instance, in one case, a young woman lived as a man to the extent that she took on a wife, and when they were discovered, it was the one living as a man that was punished. (She chose to die by hanging rather than return to life as a girl.) As far as the records go, the wife was not blamed for any wrongdoing.

A last idea that Brown included was the separation of what has been called “holy anorexia” from modern notions of eating disorders. I understand the distinction, as food has very different meanings now as opposed to then. However, in the particular descriptions given of Benedetta’s actions, I would have to say that I think she was suffering from a medieval version of anorexia/bulimia with all the attendant obsessive features, some so noticeable to the other nuns that they made constant mention of them.

All in all, Benedetta’s story was incredibly interesting, I’d recommend it to anyone interested in notions of gender either within religion or outside of it.

It is not political...

Thursday I had a conversation with a girl in one of my classes...somehow we got on the topic of gay people...she said, "I have no problem with people being gay. I have a lot of gay friends, but I don't believe in gay marriage." excuse me, what? First off, someone needs to tell your gay friends...second, how is that even possible? To be friends with someone, you should be able to empathize with them, and in order to do that, you have to actually think they are people. By saying that they don't deserve to be able to marry, isn't that just as good as saying they are lesser human beings?

I asked this person to give me a good reason why we shouldn't be able to marry that did not have to do with religion or scripture. The only response she had was to say that that isn't how it was originally created by God. Hello? A reason separate from religion. No one has yet to be able to do it...because there isn't one...Aside from their narrow freaking idea of creation and their ancient scriptures, there is nothing to be said that will hold up. I am so glad that someone else came up to talk to her after her response, because I was seriously about to go into raging lesbian mode and show the hell out. And I could not have helped myself.

To quote a fabulous lesbian I once heard speak, "It is not political, IT'S MY LIFE" We're fighting for our freaking lives here, dammit...

The True Definition of Gay Rage

In one particular gay-bashing/murder case a few years ago, the perpetrators/defendants/evil morons tried to use a defense of "gay rage". Their definition: they were uncontrollably enraged by the victim having supposedly hitting on them. My definition: the feeling an lgbt person gets when they read crap like that and what i read today.

In the spring, I'm starting an honors in the major thesis on the quiverfull and purity ball movements among modern American evangelicals. In searching for resources, I read through some of the Duggar family website (see TLC's specials and reality show) on which Michelle mentions a "Christian medical doctor". Intrigued, I searched the web...lo and behold there is an organization for them, the Christian Medical and Dental Association (cmda.org). They have various crap lying about, and I found their ethics statements on homosexuality. (see www.cmda.org/AM/Template.cfm?Section=Sexuality&CONTENTID=4089&TEMPLATE=/CM/ContentDisplay.cfm)
If this is the kind of bullshit fundamentalists are being fed, no wonder they hate us and think we can't handle marriage or that we'll destroy the world at some point. I quote:

"Homosexual relationships are typically brief in duration. Homosexual behavior is destructive to the structures necessary for healthy marriages, families and society. Men who commit homosexual acts have a high incidence of promiscuity, child molestation, and sexually transmitted infections. Homosexual behaviors burden society with increased medical costs, increased disability, and loss of productivity.

Homosexual behavior can be self-propagating. Some homosexual groups and individuals engage in active recruitment. A child who is sexually molested has an increased likelihood of later engaging in homosexual acts. There is also an increased incidence of homosexual activity among children raised by same sex couples. Adoption into such environments puts children at risk.

Legalizing or blessing same sex marriage or civil unions is harmful to the stability of society, the raising of children and the institution of marriage. If the only criterion for marriage were mutual consent or commitment, there are no grounds to prohibit polygamy, polyandry or incestuous unions." [emphasis added]

Are you kidding me? I mean really, are you fucking kidding me? This is what causes TRUE gay rage...this is why the top of my head feels like it's going to blow off most of the time...These are licensed medical and dental practitioners, and they are spreading these lies! They are in positions of authority for people, and what do they do with it but spread this...someone tell me if I'm wrong, but doesn't this seem to be against some sort of oath that a doctor should take? maybe not, but dammit WHY not!

state of the nation

okay, this will be way too short to cover everything I've been thinking lately, but...

first off...YAYAYAYAYAYAY that Obama won...I was not exactly thrilled at the idea of going to grad school in canada...although due to other disturbing developments at the polls, it may still be on the horizon...here in florida, amendment 2 (an entirely redundant anti-gay amendment) passed...and then there is arizona with the same issue and arkasas amended their constitution to say that no one unmarried can adopt or be foster parents...the biggest disappointment was california...i was so sure we would be able to keep it there...

why is it that the idea of us having legal rights and protections is so wrong to these people? I get that they have this warped and retarded notion that if we have marriage, then theirs will be undermined....but I have yet to figure out how. This whole debate is all based on fucking fundamentalist xianity and I for one am sick of it...THIS IS NOT A THEOCRACY! and my lesbian Pagan ass is sick and fuckign tired of having my life decided by these people...

canada may be an option yet...

The Back of the Bus

I missed the actual VP debates because I was at an awesome Indian dinner, but I was watching parts of them on youtube. Let me preface this by saying that I will be voting--for OBAMA. I do not think that not voting will help anything.

That said, I am highly unimpressed and pissed off by the Obama/Biden response to gay marriage. Biden specifically said that he thinks the definition of marriage should be left up to "the faith communities". Um, is it just me, or does letting the "faith communities" decide ANYTHING legal such as that seem like a serious breach of the separation of church and state?! Maybe that's just me...

Aside from that, I am happy that Obama supports civil union-like legislation. We would have many of the things that, because we don't right now, keep me and many other gay and lesbian couples in constant fear. However, civil unions strike me as simply a newer version of "separate but equal". by naming our relationships anything but marriage, it opens the door for the changing of wording in contracts, employment policies, etc. All opponents would have to do is say only married couples are included in whatever, and our frail little civil unions are worth nothing. Our families are worth so much more than a "shut-up" change. Yeah, we may not have to ride in the back of the bus, but they are sure doing their damnedest to make us uncomfortable enough at the front that we go there anyway.

The Myth of the Wealthy Gay People

Let me just start by saying that I love Chris Rock. I think he is hilarious and tells the freakin truth when it needs to be told. However, he made a comment in a show I watched the other night that bothers me. And truthfully it didn't offend, and really it isn't even something only he says. He just happens to be the one that said it the most recently in earshot.

There is this notion in the media and among the straights that we gay people are significantly more well-off than the straight people. While in theory, this might make sense...many of us do not have kids and therefore do not have the extra expenses that this brings with it. However, it is simply not true. As a matter of fact, the majority of gay couples and singles that I know are working class or just plain poor, myself included. We do not have all this expendable income lying about. We live paycheck to paycheck just like some straight people (and I would say the majority) do. Even our own media and larger community buys into this or at least gears itself toward this ideal. Take a look at Out magazine or The L Word sometime. The people are generally affluent. And these are just two examples. When was the last time you saw a poor gay person on tv? Chris Rock also made the joke that there are no gay homeless people. This, again, is simply not true. The first two homeless guys I ever met (as in more than a conversation about whether I had change) were gay.

So, what does it matter if the world thinks we're fabulously wealthy? Well, it matters. If we are presented as this community that is kind of elevated above the "regular" society, this is just one more way for us to be the "other" rather than just the people next door. In the long run, this will hurt us. The only major difference between my marriage and that of my straight friends is my spouse is a woman rather than a man. Once the world can accept this, we might be able to convince them that certain rights and privileges would not be out of order.