Friday, February 25, 2011

Speaking De-Motivationally: Poverty and Random Disorders Take Their Toll

I tell people I'm medicated--for my safety and theirs: 100 mg of sertraline (which is just the generic form of Zoloft). While I absolutely hate medications and have my issues with the traditional medical and psychological professions, it actually helps. On my meds, my brain no longer feels as though it's being shaken all the time, and I can usually find the wherewithal to do things that need to be done. However, when other disorders are added into the equation....

I have some odd thing, related to narcolepsy though not the same, that means while my body is awake, my brain has not yet gotten the total message. Therefore, I am always tired. Always. No matter what I do or how much sleep I manage to get, I feel as though I just got off a 12 hour shift unloading trucks or something (which I have done before, so I know whereof I speak). Luckily, there is a medicinal fix to this problem. It's called Provigil and is in the same family as but is not actually a methamphetamine--non-addcitive, even. And it works. However, even with decent prescription coverage (decent meaning my other meds--all generic--are less than five dollars), my co-pay for it is forty dollars a month. Compared to many other people's prescription costs, this is insanely cheap, and in that sense, I am thankful for the coverage I have. But we simply can't afford it right now. What this means is that though my brain in one way says, "Hey! That needs straightening/cleaning/whatever! Let's do it!" The rest then says, "*Yawn* Nap first, clean later." I have no motivation to do anything whatsoever. Therefore things are not as clean as I would normally have them, and that in turn makes my brain feel all shakey, regardless of the 100 mg of Zoloft.

In fact, we have friends coming over tomorrow afternoon, so I have to straighten and clean. I know this, but what have I done? I took a two and a half hour nap, after which I was supposed to go ahead and finish Latin homework and find an article for a paper I have to write this weekend. Didn't happen. Nap, sandwich, and now this blog. And I am still tired. I will still be tired in the morning after 7 or 8 hours of sleep. I will be tired the next morning no matter how much sleep I get.

No comments: