Sunday, January 8, 2012

It's a Small, Disordered World

My entire life I have fought to conceal my OCD and its weirdness, the oddball compulsions, and general insanity accompanying it. I never wanted people to notice me checking the door locks over and over, the way I have to walk on sidewalks with cracks, and the way I can't function properly on brick or cobblestone walkways. Now I find myself expounding and expatiating on every bit of minutiae associated with it--in blogs, essays, and (at least attempting) poetry. On the one hand, this makes me vulnerable to comments I would otherwise be able to avoid, and on the other I'm making myself part of a community. So, what's the point? Earlier this evening, I read some comments on another OCD blog asking for help. The person was dealing with a particular type of obsessive thought and was trying to find out whether he was alone. While it is true that every person experiences their disorder in different ways, obsessions and compulsions repeat themselves over and over. I used to have the very kind of intrusive thought the commenter was worried about, and I was able to reassure him he is not alone.

Honestly, I have no other real point here...just that I am constantly amazed at how freakin' small the world gets everyday.


Janice said...

Hi there. I just wanted to write to say that for some reason, this post makes me feel less alone. I am a OCD sufferer, and right now, I'm feeling pretty alone. I want to reach out, but I'm so afraid that other people will notice how weird I am and judge me. It's a double edge sword, I guess. Just wanted to write to say that even if you don't know it, your words are helping so many out there! is another great site for OCD suffers. Keep up the amazing work, and thank you so much for sharing your story. For a moment, at least, it made me feel less alone. And that's no small thing.

obsessive compulsive dawn said...

Oh wow. This is amazing to read. Thank you so much for reading my blog, and I am just ecstatic that I can help in any way. I don't know whether it applies to you or not, but I also occasionally blog over at Even if you aren't LGBTQ, my OCD posts are usually pretty general. Thank you again!