Saturday, April 25, 2009

Hoarding Intervention! the Sequel: I was afraid this would happen

Okay...I just left the community shredding/recycling event a bit ago, and I am at the end of a minor but distressing panic attack. I was okay yesterday, but then again the papers were still in the house, just in bags ready to go. I was even okay on the way there and when I handed my big green tote bags to the attendant, but as soon as I heard the shredder start and he handed back my now very empty big green bags, I realized the papers were actually gone beyond my retrieval. Then I began to panic. To my insane little mind's credit, it was a relatively minor panic, but a panic nonetheless. I had to pull into the gas station down the street to calm down bef0re I could drive safely. And over what? Articles and papers that I have on the computer and random, useless stuff that we really didn't need. I hate this. I hate feeling so damn crazy over PAPERS for jeebus sake.

What's worse (and what worries me) is that we're supposed to do our major room purge next weekend. How in the hell am I going to get rid of big stuff when two bags of paper give me a panic attack? I tried to go through the bookshelf today, because it's one of the more major projects and very time-consuming. I did pretty good considering--two large tote bags full of books to trade, but they are still in the house. Books are one of the hardest things for me to get rid of...I'm always afraid that I'll need it once I trade or donate it (and this has happened a couple of times--so justification!). Not to mention that I get very attached to books. I give hours or days to a narrative, whatever it may be, and I make some sort of weird connection. Therefore, getting rid of books=putting a kid/pet up for adoption...(crazy math, gotta love it).

I've said this before, but it bears repeating: The worst part of OCD is that we know we're nuts and are aware that the things we do are completely unreasonable, but we can't do a damn thing about it. It's aggravating, stressful, and honestly, very very scary sometimes.

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